This Phallic Graffiti In Ancient Roman Ruins Proves That Humans Will Never Really Change
One thing about humans is that we love to make silly (and inappropriate) doodles. There's graffiti basically everywhere, worldwide — and it isn't some new phenomenon that arose with the invention of spray paint. In fact, we, as a species, have been drawing stuff on walls for fun for thousands of years.
The Ancient Graffiti Project, a research team that has included around 70 people over the past several years to locate and study graffiti from the early Roman Empire, has painstakingly documented and digitized drawings from the cities of Pompeii, Herculaneum, Stabiae, and Smyrna.
According to the Ancient Graffiti Project, graffiti differs from inscriptions on stone that may be commemorative, dedicatory, or sacred because those are usually created with some type of forethought. Graffiti, on the other hand, is "more often the result of spontaneous composition and [is] the handwritten creation of the 'man on the street.'"
Smyrna was an Ancient Greek city located on the Aegean coast of Anatolia (now known as Türkiye). After an earthquake, the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius had the city rebuilt around 178 AD. Today, the ruins contain several graffitied erotic images that can be found in the Basilica in the Agora of Smyrna.
Since this ancient graffiti was scratched into plaster walls, it's less likely to have survived. Luckily, some of these drawings are still around for us to look at while we have a little giggle.
Ancient Romans believed that the symbol of the phallus could protect someone from the evil eye, a malicious force that caused things like bad health and bad fortune. Today, the laughs we get from spotting a well-placed penis portrayal are also likely to ward off bad vibes. So, here's a peek at 14 of the drawings from the Agora of Smyrna for your viewing pleasure:
1.This drawing was found on the back wall:
The Ancient Graffiti Project's description of this drawing says, "The corpus of the penis is rendered by a lower straight line and an upper curving one. The area of the epithelium is indicated by a short vertical line departing at two-thirds of the corpus’ length. A series of concentric lines outline the round testicles, the lower one slightly bigger in size. Positioned at the two sides of the corpus, they are clearly separated from it and from each other."
In case you couldn't quite make it out, here it is outlined:
Hopefully, this one isn't too hard to find.
2.This drawing was found inside a door jamb:
The description says, "Only the testicles, both elongated and teardrop-shaped, are still visible. The upper one is almost completely faded."
And here it is outlined:
Well, here they are, I guess.
3.This drawing was found high up on the back wall:
The description says, "The corpus of the penis, damaged by a large lacuna [missing section] toward the center, is rendered by two horizontal and roughly parallel lines. The area of the epithelium is indicated by a short diagonal line. The two testicles, drawn roughly as ovals, are placed to the sides of the corpus and are very close in size."
Here it is outlined:
And no, that's not a set of instructions — the wall broke sometime later.
4.This drawing was found on the eastern section of the back wall:
The description says, "The corpus of the penis is drawn diagonally, with its tip at the upper right. It is composed of a diagonal line that terminates at the top in a large oval, indicating the prepuce. The foreskin is further accentuated by a second concentric curved line. The corpus’ lower outline is defined by a short curved line that creates an overall teardrop shape. The two testicles are also placed diagonally. The outline of the right one, teardrop-shaped, partially overlaps that of the corpus. The left testicle is barely sketched, with one broken line that suggests its position and size."
Here it is outlined:
I like the artistry of the angle on this one.
5.This drawing was found on the face of the pier:
The description says, "The ink is largely faded. Of the upright corpus, only the left contour is still visible, made of a longer curved line and a few shorter ones next to it. Better preserved are the testicles: the left one is almost horizontal, flat at the top, and concave at the bottom. An inner concave line gives the impression of three-dimensionality. The right testicle is larger and roughly oval. Drawn diagonally, it is characterized by a double contour line that is similarly meant to convey dimensionality."
Here it is outlined:
The "dimensionality" has been conveyed.
6.This drawing was found on the upper left quadrant of the back wall:
The description says, "It is now quite damaged by a large lacuna, so that only the left painted testicle is still clearly discernible, while of the right one only the base is left. The shaft was probably never drawn, suggesting that this could have been just an early attempt abandoned halfway in favor of another one of the numerous penises that are present in this bay."
Here it is outlined:
Love the idea of this artist only having time to do half this drawing before starting another one somewhere else.
7.This drawing was found on the back wall:
The description says, "The graffito is in a poor state of preservation, as most of the original color has faded. The corpus of the penis is drawn irregularly, with the upper line delineating a more realistic outline while the lower one follows a zig-zag pattern. The two testicles are placed perpendicularly to the corpus and drawn as two detached circles."
Here it is outlined:
Now, this one's got flair.
8.This drawing was found on the back wall:
The description says, "The graffito is damaged by the large gap in the plaster that affects most of the wall’s surface. Additionally, parts of the outline are illegible due to fading. Of the original graffito, the two testicles, placed right below a face in profile are still clearly identifiable. Both are oval in shape: the left one is smaller, while the right one is larger and points downward toward the right. The corpus of the penis, noticeably larger, follows the same orientation, also pointing downward. Its right end is damaged by the loss of plaster."
Here it is outlined:
How aggressive! This one's coming right for us!
9.This drawing was found on the back wall, as well:
The description says, "The corpus of the penis, pointing downward, is drawn vertically in two lines: the left one is straight, while the right one is convex, creating the overall shape of an elongated drop. The two testicles are attached to each other, and they are placed horizontally on top of the corpus. The one to the left is larger and roughly rhomboidal in shape, while the one to the right is significantly smaller and oval."
Here it is outlined:
"Rhomboidal" is a fantastic descriptor for this drawn testicle.
10.This drawing was found on the upper right quadrant of the back wall:
The description says, "The corpus of the penis is drawn horizontally. Of it, only the upper curved line is still preserved. The two testicles are rendered in one single streak shaped as an eight: beginning at the upper right corner of the lower testicle, the line descends to define the first oval, ascends to close the oval and to outline, without closing it, the second upper oval. Clearly associated with the drawing is the word ψωλή, immediately above it."
(Google Translate says ψωλή means "penis" in Greek.)
Here it is outlined:
In case anyone is unsure about that drawing, it's a ψωλή.
11.This drawing was found on the eastern half of the back wall:
The description says, "The drawing is heavily damaged by very large lacunae. Additionally, the black color has faded in several areas, making it difficult to recognize the overall outline. From what is discernible, the corpus of the penis is drawn horizontally with two parallel lines converging at the right end in a rounded tip, where a series of shorter, vertical streaks might indicate the foreskin and the meatus. The two testicles are drawn perpendicularly to the corpus and are detached. Roughly circular in shape, they seem to have been drawn first in red and then retraced in black."
Here it is outlined:
I extend a hearty thank you to the Ancient Graffiti Project for using the word "meatus" in the description of this image.
12.This drawing is also on the eastern half of the back wall, but is heavily damaged:
The description says, "Large lacunae in the plaster have affected most of the drawing, and only parts of the shaft are still preserved. The shaft is drawn in two parallel lines, roughly horizontal. The tip, toward the right, is made of a curved line, while a thick vertical line depicts the epithelium."
Here it is outlined:
Heavily damaged but still visible. All one can ask for from a thousand-plus-year-old sketch.
13.This drawing was found in the upper left quadrant of the back wall:
The description says, "The graffito has almost completely disappeared into a very large lacuna in the plaster at the center of the wall. Only parts of the two testicles are still preserved. Both are drawn in multiple concentric strokes (at least four are identifiable) that overlap all preexisting graffiti, suggesting that this image was the last one drawn on the wall. The upper testicle is almost entirely preserved: oval in shape and placed diagonally, it was probably attached to the second one at its missing end. The lower testicle is almost completely missing. What is left suggests that it was probably similar in shape and size to the other one."
Here it is outlined:
It's difficult to get a sense of the scale here, but these testicles definitely feel...big.
14.And finally, this drawing doesn't have a description, but probably doesn't need one:
There aren't any specific details about this drawing, but with all the practice from the previous images, you can probably pick this one out.
Just in case, here it is outlined:
So, next time you have the opportunity to make a little doodle on the wall in your favorite hangout spot or dive bar bathroom, remember that maybe — just maybe — people will be giggling over it a thousand years from now.
And if anyone catches you and asks about it, just let them know it's warding off the evil eye.
Also, which one of these was your favorite? There's some stiff competition. Tell us your thoughts in the comments below.
