This Person Is Married But Has A Crush On Someone At Work And Asked The Internet For Advice — Here's What They Had To Say

Watching Severance puts the complexities of workplace dynamics under a microscope, although it's certainly not an accurate depiction of day-to-day life in the office. Despite how 'lax your job might be, relationships between every person you interact with, whether the CEO, your colleagues, or custodial staff in the office building, differ.

But, what happens when real feelings start to develop for a coworker and the lines between personal and professional start to blur?

The concept of a work spouse seems a bit more problematic for Reddit user r/Wild_Dance1143, who asked the r/bodylanguage sub, "How do married people get over their workplace crushes as quickly as possible?"

Here's what they had to say:

"The title tells it all. I am married, and so is this man I work together with, and I think he is also crushing on me maybe. I know it must be a proximity thing, but I cannot avoid him as we work very closely in a team. He has kids and a wife, I have kids and a husband, and I absolutely feel horrible and would like to get back to my normal self and just have this silly crush out of my system once and for all. Please tell me some things that help you overcome your crushes in similar situations. Thank you!"

The post gained significant traction with users providing some incredibly insightful responses, some of which derived from from personal experience. But those who hadn't experienced something similar still had pragmatic advice. Here's what the internet had to say about work crushes:

u/AshamedLeg4337 explained that the realistic outcome of trying to pursue a workplace crush would only be disappointing in the end. "By realizing that the person you’re crushing on is in your head," the user stated in response to the post. "They’re a fantasy. They would forget to take out the trash and close the cabinets. They would nag you about putting your dishes up. They might yell when [they're] angry and comfortable with you. They’re probably dull when they run out of stories you haven’t heard. The picture in your head of them is pure fantasy, and the reality is multiple ruined lives."

The user continued, "Easy to not give in to temptation when you realize the thing tempting you doesn’t even exist and that the cost to get it is your entire life you’ve built over multiple decades."

Expounding on a similar sentiment, u/slickeighties said, "You are getting his perfect self. Some people are a nightmare once the honeymoon period is over and you see them under pressure behind closed doors. Your kids are number one before you. You owe them as much stability as you can give, because people in this world will try and harm their progress when they're older, so they don’t need the BS of a broken home. If this guy is so great, why can’t he be loyal to his wife and kids? If he’s not loyal to his kids he won’t do it for you."

In response to u/AshamedLeg4337, u/excessive-pooping reinforced this by sharing their personal experience after facing a similar dilemma. "And even on the lust front, it's a fantasy. I had a work crush and we kissed, then it became a long flirtation and foreplay situation."

"When it finally happened, it was disappointing and not at all what it built up to be. He was not attentive, not a good kisser, not a good lover, and not very passionate. It was a few months of ping-ponging between lust and reality before it actually hit me, and I could see it more clearly. It helps to repeat this in your head over and over and to separate facts from fiction. It's just blind desire. But it takes time to get over it; I will give ya that.

What also helps to stop obsessing: set boundaries in your head when you're allowed to think about it, keep to them, stay busy, and focus on your own life."

Another user who was previously in the OP's shoes provided a more extreme response to dealing with these emotions. "Speaking personally as someone experienced in what you're going through, I would change jobs. As this is your first extramarital crush, you don't have the real knowledge of what can happen if you do go all the way. Unless they do something to put you off, it's unlikely the crush will fade," wrote u/Icy_Compote_8396.

"The first sign of dissatisfaction at home, he'll seem more inviting. By trying to get over him, you'll just think about him as much and, in my opinion, it could grow tension. Don't forget he could feel the same and give in and tell you how he feels.

Then, you have confirmation from your crush to deal with.

It's hard, and I'm not saying you can't try to forget it and move on. But unless you've had the feelings, you're starting to have people who won't know how strong it can be. You're not a million miles away from falling in love. I'm saying all this with zero judgment or criticism.If you want to be scared straight, I'll tell you the fallout of divorce."

Others took on a more urgent tone to help OP out, such as u/Ok_Original_9063. "Dangerous situation. you are close to a physical affair. YOU HAVE TO CALL A HALT TO THIS BEFORE YOU RUIN TWO MARRIAGES."

"Talk to the boss about separating you and the guy you work with. I am sure your husband is aware of something going on. Your crush is impacting your marriage whether you realize it or not. Better take steps to get close to your husband again before you do something stupid. Only you can put a stop to this. Only you can save two marriages. Yes, I know what I am talking about."

u/JohnnyShiba shared a response that put things into better perspective. Despite the emotional struggles this might cause the OP, the user explained that it's important to acknowledge these feelings first before being able to address them properly. "By being honest with yourself and acknowledging that you have a crush on said person, and then remembering how much you have to lose by giving in and letting a single, regrettable action take control of your mind.

"If your partner is giving you 80% and that 20% is what you’re craving, think critically and understand that you will be left with 0% when it’s all said and done."

Ultimately, it seems that the bottom line for most is that boundaries and distance are key. "[It] happens all the time. Avoid being alone with him. Avoid talking to him about personal matters, especially any problems with your spouse. Make sure you are not flirting with him. Office romances can absolutely gut a marriage and ruin families, so have very strict boundaries with work friends," said u/CarolinaMtnBiker.

According to u/BurdyBurdyBurdy, the crush might not be the actual issue but rather the result of an issue within OP's marriage. "Your marriage may be lacking intimacy. You’re likely thinking about intimacy with the coworker. He’s something new, and your husband is familiar. Coworker is interesting, unknown, and hubby is the same everyday. Bring back real intimacy to your marriag,e and you will never have these thoughts. Good luck."

"The grass isn’t greener on the other side…the grass is the greenest where you water it! So water it with your husband and put your energy into that. You got this!" wrote u/No-Difficulty-723.

In constrast, u/hyzer-flip-flop999 offered an alternative to help OP mitigate their feelings. "Find an ick about him. Every time you look at him, think about the ick and nothing else."

Across each of these comments, the common thread was that entertaining a workplace crush is a risky game that will ultimately cost more than it's worth. "You’re playing with fire. If you’re hanging out together and finding ways to go out to lunch just the two of you, then you’re really in trouble. One step away from crossing a line that shouldn’t be crossed," said u/secrerofficeninja.

After fielding hundreds of comments, OP made it abundantly clear that they have no intention of acting on their emotions.

"I would never in a million years would act on this for sure!" they wrote. "I even started to avoid team events and any outing that would involve us having a drink together and chitchatting. I try to remove myself from situations and avoid him in general when I can. But I feel no matter what I do, it's like a magnet pulling me to him, and despite all my efforts, I feel so stupid for feeling happy when he's around, it is wild. I hate to feel this way and want to feel this way with my husband again."

But, unfortunately, this isn't a discussion OP feels they could share with their husband.

"I feel it would really break my husband’s heart to know I have these feelings for another man, I really cannot tell this to him. I need to work through it by myself  and that is what I am basically doing by trying to gather some words from Reddit from strangers, as I really cannot talk about this to anyone. My husband is my best friend, we have been together for 11 years, married for six, and have two beautiful kids. I love my life with him and with my kids. It's everything I ever wanted and more. Still, I started to have this silly crush on someone else. I hate this feeling; it is pure misery!"

Yikes. After breezing through all of these comments, I'm curious what you think about this situation. What advice would you give OP in this predicament? Have you faced a similar dilemma? Sound off in the comments below and share how you would handle this situation.

Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.