People Are Sharing How Their Significant Others Changed When They Came Into Money, And Some Of These Surprised Me
Some people like to pretend that money doesn't matter, but the truth is it affects most areas of our lives. And if a lot suddenly falls in your lap? Yup, that's probably gonna have an impact.
So, we asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us how their significant others changed when they came into money. Here's what they said:
We also included similar responses from across Reddit.
1."For the early years of our marriage, I was basically a stay-at-home mom, working part-time and going back to school to slowly get my degree (I had three kids). Fast-forward 20 years, and I have (far) surpassed him in earnings as I started my own business. He seemed miserable in his job so I suggested he take an early retirement. I could support us. And I did. Fast-forward to the pandemic, and my business revenue plummeted, his dad died, and — lo and behold! — he had a $1-million+ inheritance burning a hole in his pocket."
"Suddenly, he wants a divorce and has a girlfriend. Now, I am in an unenviable position, due to our state laws, of all my wealth being community property and him having a huge pile of money that is not community property."
2."My partner (M56) and I (F53) have been together for about 22 years. For approximately 18 years, I have been the sole consistent provider for our family (two kids together). He has worked in the past 22 years; however, it is not consistent. At one point, I worked three jobs and also withdrew from my RRSP (Canadian retirement fund) more than once to help him with his financial difficulties. From 2019 to 2022, I used my credit cards to help support our family (his industry shut down)."
"Once he received his inheritance, I asked him if he could help me pay down my credit card (I explained to him that I used it for groceries and such) by using his inheritance. He said no problem. However, he is asking me to repay him $200 per paycheck. I am confused. I feel like a fool. I never asked him to repay me… I should have."
3."My now-former husband was given three-year stock options when he started a new job. The company stock increased significantly, and he was able to cash out. He decided that since he had this money, he could do whatever he wanted. We had been married 20 years and had two children. He decided adultery and drugs would be fun things. He wound up giving a third of our cash to his paramour. We divorced, he filed for bankruptcy, and he lost his nice car. He lived in his car off and on for a while. He’s clean now, but it’s been rough for him."
—Anonymous
4."I live in California and have been married for 30+ years. We were broke when we married, and I was the primary earner while my wife was a stay-at-home mom. As a podiatrist, my earnings were low seven figures annually. My wife and I never had separate money, and differences over finances were a common argument throughout most of the marriage. Long story short, we never saved, and I accepted that I would not be able to retire. Surprisingly, she inherited a total of $18.6 million in 2021. She thinks that should be separate money for her and keeps different accounts with the inheritance money."
"I am so hurt and bitter! I hide my finances from our four kids as they watch her travel around while I work and pay off the $1.5M mortgage (yes, a mortgage that high exists, as wild as it is). When the kids ask why I work, I say I still work because I want to work."
5."I work in sales (F39) and, to be fair, I’ve been burnt out in my job for a while. I do the typical complaining to my spouse (M40). My husband came into family money recently. It’s a nice chunk of change, over seven figures but not an endless amount. We keep our finances separate: He owns his house outright, and I have a renter in mine. We both have car payments and some outstanding credit card and student loan debt. Anyways, my husband has been on me about quitting my job so we can spend more time together and start our own business."
"I’m willing to move to contract with my job as we work toward starting a company, but I’m not ready to go cold turkey on my income. I feel like that’s a recipe for resentment down the line. I realize this would be awesome for some people, but I don’t like the idea of being dependent on anyone."
6."I had a great-uncle who passed and left me almost $50k in a trust, and $10k of it must be placed in a brokerage or retirement account based on his wishes. My husband is upset with me because I did not consult him beforehand. He said any money should be family money. When he received money from his grandfather, I never put my hand out for any of it. He never even offered. Every time I get a windfall of money, my husband does this. But when he gets a windfall, it’s his money."
"This weekend we sat down and had a huge fight about money. He wasn’t like this prior to us being married. We seemed to be on the same page. We agreed on a set amount, and we saved. He got that windfall, and he started to spend like he was rich."
7."I have been married for almost 20 years. My wife is a well-educated person who was doing well in the workforce, but she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom when our first daughter was born about 10 years ago. We are happily married with no prenup, and my career has gone very well, where our income is now what most would call wealthy. My wife’s grandfather recently passed away, and she received about $20k from his will, where he said in the will he’d like the money to be enjoyed."
"I deposited it into our checking account and asked my wife if she wanted to save it for a trip, do some house upgrades, or if she had other thoughts for the money. She got mad that I put it in the joint account as opposed to her setting up an individual one (we don’t have separate accounts). She told me not to worry about it and that it’s her money, pointing out how my side of the family doesn’t have anything, and we won’t inherit anything from them. I was pretty caught off guard. We have never fought about money, even when we had a lot less of it.
This isn’t a significant amount of our savings. She has expensive habits that I encourage because they make her happy. I ended up saying that I was a little hurt that she would be so selfish with this, considering the financial contributions that I make to our family, and maybe she should use the money on her $300 haircuts or clothes. I am at a loss how money was never hers or mine until this."
8."Not my partner, but my dad built a successful business and started making a lot of money when I was growing up. He's now a totally different person, full of greed and laziness as he can pay people to do everything for him. He even admits to me that money is like a drug to him. Don't get me wrong — I had amazing holidays abroad, and I'm grateful for a lot of things, but he thinks of love as buying people things. However, there're no real, genuine memories, just material items."
—Anonymous
9."This probably isn't what most people imagine when they think of 'coming into money,' but my then-boyfriend lost his job and filed for unemployment. He still lived at home and didn't have to pay any bills (his parents were wealthy). I, on the other hand, grew up in poverty and was working while going to college. One night, we went out to a bar, where he ordered around $50 of beer, and I just got a small snack (that cost maybe $6)."
"When the bill came, he expected us to split it down the middle. I was surprised, considering he was getting money for lounging around at home, where he didn't contribute financially whatsoever. He knew money was very tight for me, but he was essentially asking me to pay for half of his beer. We split the bill like he wanted, but I never forgot it. Though we kept dating for a little while longer, I think I knew at that moment it wasn't going to work out. Sometimes people with money can be way more selfish than people without it."
—Anonymous
10."My fiancé was in private equity and ended up landing some really good deals. Their wealth ended up growing significantly because of these deals. We stayed together for a while, but eventually, things just didn’t really work out. The wealth just changed things — everything became about deals, meetings, and more money. We drifted apart because we weren’t on the same page anymore. We went our separate ways, and now they’re happily married to someone else. Honestly, I’m really happy for them. Life works out how it’s supposed to!"
—Anonymous
11."My husband received roughly $200K from a deceased family member. While it’s not a ton of money, it completely changed him by removing so much financial stress from his life. He is much happier now knowing there is a cushion for emergencies."
—Anonymous
12."When my wife inherited money, she decided what to do with it unilaterally. I assumed this was a precedent. Now, I will inherit a significant sum, and my wife is already planning on what we will do with the money. She said that this is a lot more money, and she should have an equal say. Historically, that means she decides. If my wife is involved in a decision, she will not stop debating it until she gets what she wants."
13.And finally, "I’m not sure if this counts as 'changed' so much as enhanced what was already there. While he was a rabbinical student, my fiancé Mark lived next door to an elderly woman. He helped her out with chores around her apartment and the occasional errand. He thought he was just being a good neighbor to someone who didn’t have family in the area, and she reminded him of his grandmother. After the old woman died, Mark found out that she was actually very, very wealthy, and since she had outlived most of her family, she left a part of her estate to Mark."
"He had grown up comfortably middle-class and, even as a student, felt he had all he needed. So, he used the money to establish scholarships and donated to various charities where he had volunteered. We used to sit up at night, scan through GoFundMe pages, find those that were close to their goal, and then put them over the top. Always anonymously. He died eight years ago after being hit by a distracted driver, and I miss him more every day."
—Anonymous
Now, I'm curious: Has money ever affected your relationship? Do you argue over spending? Wish your partner saved more? Still daydream about the honeymoon you never got because your spouse wasn't financially responsible? Let me know in the comments below or in this anonymous Google form.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
