17 Relationship Misconceptions People Used To Believe, But Later Realized Were Completely Toxic
Let's face it, there's no such thing as a "perfect" relationship. There's always going to be something you and your partner will disagree about. From little things like splitting the chores to bigger decisions, such as whether or not you want kids, it's not always "happily ever after..."
Luckily, there are ways to make relationships easier...but, there are also some unhealthy misbeliefs that can make a relationship more difficult. So, when Reddit user u/FunctionInitial3534 asked, "What’s a common misconception about relationships that you wish people would stop believing?" I had to share some of the best and most insightful responses. Here's what these 17 redditors had to say:
1."It isn’t always a love story 24/7."
"Relationships go through ebbs and flows. Sometimes, the person you are with is just the person that gets you and loves/respects you for who you are. Also, effective and open communication has to be the most important aspect of a good relationship that so many people fail to realize."
"Before my husband and I got married, the priest told us: Marriage is forever, and honestly, there will be days you wake up, and just hate that person. It's inevitable. We all get mad at our friends or family. But in those times, it's important to remember the reasons you fell in love in the first place."
2."That arguing in front of your kids is bad."
Netflix / Via giphy.com
"No, fighting in front of your kids is bad. Having a healthy and respectful argument without screaming or name-calling is beneficial for kids to learn conflict resolution."
"I will say I still believe if the arguing involves something to do with your kids, it’s best not to have it in front of them so there’s no 'good guy' or 'bad guy.'"
3."That your partner needs to be everything to you."
"Nobody can be everything, and expecting them to be is selfish. I have a wonderful, loving, supportive husband who is my best friend. But I still have other friends. I have interests that he doesn't share, and vice versa. That's healthy. That's normal. We aren't together 24/7. We are separate people, joined at the heart, not the hip."
4."Don't go to bed angry."
"You're allowed to go to bed angry. In fact, 'sleep on it' is a well-respected and highly successful fight avoidance technique."
5."I am a 66-year-old boomer. A few years ago, my therapist gently brought up the term 'codependency' in one of our sessions."
"I had always imagined the stereotype of this syndrome, at least in my own mind, as being lonely, old, unfulfilled moms allowing their grown sons to live at home and use them, as codependency. Turns out it’s a bit more than that. I understand codependency now as the hope that if you're 'just good enough,' in whatever way that applies, it will eventually enlighten an unkind, unresponsive, controlling partner to suddenly 'wake up,' realize how wonderful and invaluable you are, and then CHANGE."
6."That if you love someone, you'll never be attracted to someone else."
"You probably will, but you don't have to act on it. If you love your partner, you won't."
"Another thing to remember is 'the best way to not be tempted is to avoid temptation.'
I’d like to think I’d never cheat on my wife no matter what the circumstances, but I’ll never know, because I never put myself in circumstances where cheating is possible."
7."Opposites attract."
"What people are really looking for are complementary partners. If one person hates cleaning bathrooms and the other hates doing dishes, then together they can switch off these chores for a functional household. Instead what so many people end up doing is dating someone completely opposite. One person is an early riser/seize-the-day sort even on weekends, the other believes in relaxation and is a lazy genius...they'll butt heads.
The rampant propaganda encouraging the grumpy-sunshine/black cat-golden retriever dynamic is also not helping. People seem unable to recognize a miserable git or toxic positivity in the name of this pairing.
While opposites may initially be exciting because they push you to experience something new in the (hopefully positive) framework of a relationship, eventually the juxtaposition leads to annoyance. From annoyance you build resentment until the relationship is finally broken off. The high of opposite pairing is not for everyone and seldom lasts."
8."That you need to find someone who is hot."
"Character matters so much more than looks, especially in long-term relationships when looks start to change and you start to go through the difficult parts of life together. You want someone who will support you on your hardest days."
9."That relationships are supposed to be hard."
"No.
Life is hard. Navigating life is hard. And that can put a strain on peoples' ability to give their best all the time in a relationship.
But the relationship itself should not feel like work. It should be a safe haven from the hardness of life.
If your relationship doesn't make you feel stronger, safer, and more able to take on the ups and downs of life, you're in the wrong relationship.
A relationship definitely should not leave you regularly feeling drained, frustrated, or hurt."
10."Communication is key.”
"No. Consideration and COMPREHENSION is. You can communicate how you feel all day, but if your partner doesn’t consider and comprehend those feelings, then nothing is going to be solved."
11."That you should stay together for the kids."
"Kids are generally much better off with two happy, separated parents than in an unhappy two-parent household."
12."Sleeping in separate beds means a relationship is on the rocks."
"My husband and I have our own rooms due to new babies, pregnancy, and me being a light sleeper, snoring, etc. Sleeping separately has only improved our relationship tenfold."
13."The idea that 'no one is perfect' means you tolerate poor treatment."
"NO. 'No one is perfect' means your partner will annoy the crap out of you sometimes and you will not see eye to eye on everything.
It does not mean they can be awful to you in any way for even 1% of the time.
You do not tolerate: unkindness; them taking out frustrations on you; disrespect; name calling.
There are probably other things on this list.
A partner cherishes you and sees problems as 'us vs. the problem,' not, 'you are the problem.'”
14."That’s it’s normal to resent your partner."
"The number of people on social media and in real life I see complaining about 'the ole ball and chain' or making comments about their partner not being trustworthy or whatever it is is just sad to me. It’s not normal to always kind of hate your partner or want them to be different. That’s not healthy, you should actually LIKE your partner as well as love them."
15."That you have to share everything and 100% of your history with someone."
"No, you don't. Everyone — even those in committed relationships — has the right to keep some things private.
Some things are simply no one else's business, I don't care who they are."
16."That you need a partner to complete you."
"I really think that people should be at a point where they’re fully confident and happy with themselves before seeking a partner to fill the voids in their lives."
17."That you need to find 'the one.'"
"There are many suitable partners on this planet of 8 billion people. If we all only had one possible life partner out there, the likelihood that they miraculously live within 50 miles of you seems pretty small. At some point, the species would die out."
"I stopped believing in 'the one' when I realized my grandpa married someone so good for him but she was widowed. She loved her first husband and her second husband, so obviously there was not just one true love for her. There were two. And I think that’s awesome."
What misconceptions do you think ruin a relationship? Do you know of any other "relationship myths" that weren't mentioned? Let us know in the comments below!
Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
