People Are Sharing Stories Of Marrying Someone Their Friends Hated, And The Consequences Are Eye-Opening

This post includes discussions of abuse.

Recently, I asked the BuzzFeed Community, if you married someone your friends disliked, what happened?

It got so, so many responses! Here's what people said.

Some entries have been edited for length and clarity.

1."My best friend (and roommate for a time) and my now-husband did NOT mesh for years. They beared it for me because they both loved me, but it was very clear they didn't like each other and only put up with one another for me. It took until we were engaged and celebrating my birthday party that they took each other to the side and just hashed it out. They misunderstood each other's motivations and just needed to hear each other out. Now, they love one another and support each other 100%. They'll never be each other's besties, but they don't need to be :)"

2."No one trusted him or liked him. They endured him for me, but their discomfort was clear when he would say problematic rude shit or behave inappropriately. Eventually, I became isolated as no one wanted to hang out with someone temperamental, loudly creating conflict and drama. 8 lonely years later, after lots of emotional abuse and two instances of physical abuse, I left him. I take full responsibility for my choices. I had a lot to learn in life. But my friends never left me, and they wish they had done more to intervene before I got married. I’ll never undervalue true friendship again."

—bittercactus405

3."No one expressed their opinion about my ex until after my divorce, and then everyone came out of the woodwork to tell me how awful he was. It would have been great if someone shared their opinion before I married him, but not a single person did. That added to how awful the whole ordeal was."

—born_with_no_bones

4."I ditched them all and found new, better friends who love my husband. Now, we have been happily married for 10 years. If you don't like my husband then I don’t like you :)"

5."I had a whole friend group decide they didn’t like my boyfriend after spending a total of maybe 48 hours with him. They didn't try to get to know him. I just received a call from two of them saying I needed to break up with him. I was shocked. The scenarios they brought up about him were easily explained, and they were sensitive because he’s a direct person. We’ve been married for four years, and I’m not friends with any of them. They refused to get to know him and told me they did not support us. It really hurt because I was there supporting all of their relationships and eventually, their marriages, even though I didn’t agree with everything their S/O said or did. Ultimately, I have wonderful friends now who love my husband (who is also my best friend in the world), and I have no regrets whatsoever. It was their loss."

—sarahjeanring

6."My husband and I got married at 20. The amount of friends and family who told me I would waste my 20s was overwhelming at first. But honestly, we have spent our twenties traveling, having so many firsts together, watching each grow, and gaining new passions and hobbies. It's so special to cherish together. We are dual-income, with no kids. We are in bed at 8:00 p.m. every night, and it is wonderful. Our life didn't end when we got married. Yeah, we don't go out and party, but who gives a rip? Dating in your 20s sounds exhausting, and we are both grateful we met each other when we did. Here's to proving them all wrong!!"

—creativeorc26

7."My friends didn't like him, but nobody told me. They all just drifted away — except one, who I found out after the divorce was having an affair with him. After we split, all those people spoke up about how much they didn't like him. I wish they would have actually told me. Maybe I would have seen the red flags everyone else said they noticed."

8."Not me, but my brother married a woman that no one could stand, and they separated last year so she could go on trips with her new man, and my brother can raise their children and maintain their home."

—Bread

9."We had been best friends since we were kids, and she tried to talk me out of getting married. She even tried to get my mom to talk me out of getting married. But she never really explained why she did not want me to get married. She just thought it was a mistake. She was my maid of honor, but we only spoke a few times after the wedding. My husband and I are celebrating our 17th anniversary this year... I made the right choice."

—kaytayout

10."Well, I'm divorced now and still friends with her, so I think it all worked out!"

11."I've been with my husband since I graduated high school. My friends did not like him because he was a heavy drinker. We decided to move in together, and my friends all disapproved, telling me it would be a terrible mistake. They all disappeared, but so did his drinking problem. He needed to move out of his family's house to see that they were the ones pushing him to drink. 20 years later, we are happy with two wonderful kids. Those friends who said it would never last are still shocked. Most of them are in miserable marriages, fighting with exes, or single parents now, but we still support them through all their drama. He proved to me people can change when they really want to, so we will stand by them if they need help."

—anonymous

12."I am the friend in the situation. My best friend was dating a guy I thought did not treat her right. The best example I can give is when I heard him say to her, 'Go make me a sandwich, bitch.' I told her how I felt about how he spoke to her, that it was demeaning, and how I thought she deserved someone who treated her better. It has been a few years, and we are no longer friends, and I believe she is still with the guy. While I miss our friendship, I stand by what I said. I know no relationship is perfect, but I cannot stand by if I feel like my friends' significant other does not treat them right."

—anonymous

13."She ended up cheating on me multiple times, before and after the marriage. There was lots of verbal and emotional abuse, too, and one time when she got physically abusive, she knocked me to the ground in front of a crowd. After the police were called, she got pepper sprayed and spent a couple of days in jail. In retaliation, she tried to have me arrested for abuse, but lucky for me, I had a witness who knew she was lying."

14."Everyone could see how much of a condescending A-hole he was to me from the start. It was my first real relationship, and I was around 20. In the early months of dating, he would see other girls, so when he finally settled down with me, I felt like I was the one who was finally good enough. When we got married, he only became worse. I realized he didn't really have friends and was actually quite jealous of my group of friends, who'd only hang out with him because he was with me at events. I was his only social connection, yet he was still horrendous to me and would put me down in front of everyone with passive-aggressive comments and snapping at me. We divorced after three years, and he's on his third marriage."

—anonymous

15."My best friend tried to warn me off my fiancé, but she was much too nice to flat-out tell me why she didn’t like him. I found out much later that he had made several passes at her and cornered her at our wedding. I wish I had paid attention to her subtle clues. He’s gone, and in the meantime, I lost a good friend."

—anonymous

16."Ok, this is actually the opposite. My best friend married a guy I could not stand. I was always polite to him, for her sake. There was just something off about him. Anyway, I agreed to be her maid of honor and picked out my dress and everything. Fast forward a year or so later, they split up. Their daughter had to call me behind her dad's back to even be able to talk to me because my friend had moved on and married someone from our high school. I got cursed out several times by him for the phone calls. I guess he decided he was tired of her happiness, so at 2 a.m. one morning, he DROVE THROUGH THEIR HOUSE!! Right through their bedroom. Neither was hurt, but she finally got the protective order she needed. I don't know where he is now, and I don't really care."

17."My best friend was a very social, extroverted person. I met a man who was introverted, didn't like big crowds, and struggled a bit with group conversations. Unfortunately, I aired out issues with my boyfriend to my best friend, and even though I meant to balance it out with the good things about him, she got a bad impression of him. He didn't get along well with her, but he was completely civil and never told me anything negative about her. She was openly judgmental about him and made it clear that getting along with a friend's partner was very important to her. In the end, I drifted apart from my friend because it was frustrating not to be able to be myself around her and share details of my life. I married the man, and while he's not the center of a party, he gets along a lot better with my new friends and has remained a reliable and loving husband."

—anonymous

18."My best friend flat-out told me not to marry my husband. She refused to come to our ceremony and told me I was making a big mistake. According to her, he was 'too wild' and was going to 'break my heart' because she couldn't see him being loyal to just one person due to stories she'd heard about him. At that time, she was dating one of his friends from work. I thanked her for her opinion but said I was going to marry him anyway."

"Yes, things had moved very quickly in our relationship, and yes, he was wild, and yes, I thought long and hard before marrying him because of the stories (most of which were true). My best friend and I remained close, but it wasn't the same. I wouldn't confide anything to her because I knew she disapproved of our marriage. Eventually, we drifted apart. We Facebook message each other on birthdays. My husband and I have been married for 30 years, have four children and four grandchildren, and are still in love. He has never had eyes for anyone but me since we got together. Isn't that the way it is supposed to be??"

—anonymous

19."I was the friend who disliked the boyfriend-turned-husband. I told her not to marry him and that he was not a good person and definitely not the person she thought he was. He was in the military and always taking assignments away from home and leaving her to raise the kids that he had with a different woman. After they got married and had a kid of their own, his going away continued. Come to find out, he had a kid with another woman in another state and was sleeping with several different women."

20."He was a huge narcissist. He love bombed me so hard, and I dismissed anything negative anyone had to say EVER. I loved him to no end, unfortunately. I severed all and any real friendships I ever had due to his triangulation, unbeknownst to me at the time. He helped me out a lot financially at first. It wasn't the countless times he cheated, the verbal abuse I endured, or the relationships that suffered due to ours that made me want to end it. It was the spilling of my blood in my brand new vehicle, forever tainting the joy of that purchase."

—anonymous

21."The other day I realized what would’ve happened if I would’ve moved in with him all those years ago. I would’ve had the financial responsibility of a child, my car totaled with his driving without a license, and I could be dead. My best friend saved my life."

—anonymous

Did you marry someone your friends disliked? What happened? Share it in the comments below.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.

The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.