People Should Get A License To Be A Parent Because These Toxic Moms And Dads DON'T Deserve The Title
We asked the BuzzFeed Community, "If you have an unhealthy relationship with your mom, what's been your experience?"
Unfortunately, many people chimed in with disturbing things both their moms and dads have ever done to them. They're toxic and unbelievable, and have left a very damaging mark on folks today.
So, here are some deeply horrible things parents did to their kids:
Note: Some submissions were pulled from this Reddit thread by user u/Maxcipher80.
Note: Some submissions include topics of child abuse and verbal abuse. Please proceed with caution.
1."Growing up, whenever I'd make a mistake, my ma would get frustrated and say to me, 'What are you, STUPID?!?!' It always hurt because most of the time (when I hadn't 'messed up'), she'd tell me that I was very smart. It wasn't until I was 14 and we were arguing in the car that I finally fought back. I'd done something minuscule, like forgetting a homework assignment that was due the next day, and she pulled out the old reliable, 'What are you, STUPID?!?!' So I responded, 'No, but when you say that, it makes me FEEL stupid.' She got a funny look on her face and was quiet the rest of the drive home. I don't remember her saying it to me ever again."
2."When I was a teenager, my boyfriend cheated on me...with my mother. They tried to keep it a secret — when I broke up with him, my mother let him MOVE INTO OUR HOUSE. She tried to tell me I was 'crazy' to think that they would be together. I genuinely believed I may have been 'crazy' — who would do that to their own daughter? I must be 'losing it.' When I got a new boyfriend, this ex went wild. His own mother called the cops to my home because she knew he was angry (he told the cop that he was going to kill me if it was the last thing he did). I was put into a cop car for my protection, and he was put into a cop car to be taken for psych evaluation. I watched my mother follow the cop car he was in while I, at 16 years old, was there alone in a cop car."
"I moved out of my own house. I eventually saw texts between them that proved they were together a few years later, and I confronted them again. They still tried to deny it all, but everybody knew at this point.
They dated up until five years ago (11 years dating total). She was only open about the fact they were an actual couple once they broke up."
—Anonymous
3."My mother was terrible to me growing up — she was a covert narcissist. She would ridicule my appearance, tell me that nobody would ever be friends with me, and claim I would be a failure as an adult. She constantly compared me to my eldest sister, who was 'the golden child.' On my wedding day, she told me I looked pregnant in the wedding gown that I picked out (I wasn't pregnant — I was a size 0). My entire life, I hated myself [because of her] — I was never good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough. In my thirties, I finally went to counseling and realized what was wrong. I cut her off a few years ago (my sisters did, too), and since then, I've learned I’ll never be perfect. But I am beautiful and smart and successful, and I have a good heart (and I’m working on loving the person I am, which is much easier without her in my life)."
—Anonymous
4."My parents were never affectionate to me or even said anything nice to each other. But when they did say something nice to me, it was to get something from me since they were divorcing. Now, anytime someone says something nice, I can’t help but think, 'What do they want from me?' If someone says something small like, 'Hey, I like your shoes,' in my head it translates as, 'I need/want something from you.'"
5."They always acted like nothing was ever wrong. Now, don't get me wrong — my parents are amazing people, and I think they did a great job raising my sisters and me. I really wouldn't change a thing. They bent over backward to make sure our lives were as safe, stable, and comfortable as they possibly could for us. But, [acting like nothing was wrong] taught all three of us a very wrong lesson, 'Adults don't have problems. If they do, they have failed.' They didn't mean to do this and they meant well. I don't have children of my own, but if I did, I'd do it a bit differently."
6."My husband's ex-wife talked shit about him constantly, and while he had his issues, she was a far worse parent. She would make the kids do the housework, and she would 'forget' to make them food during the day (she spent all day reading and ignoring them). When my stepson was around six years old, he would make himself and his younger sister ketchup sandwiches. My husband won't say anything bad about his ex-wife in front of the kids because she's their mother, and he doesn't want them to think that's okay. The worst thing she did was tell the kids that my husband was dead and wouldn't let him see them. I don't know how that got resolved, but my stepson recently told us that it really messed with him. She's a monster, and I know the kids will never allow themselves to be or do anything like her. Like I said, he had issues in his twenties, but he's really turned it around and has the best relationship with the kids now."
7."I have six younger siblings and would constantly have to watch them. My mom was gone for a couple of hours every day, and I would be stuck watching my siblings with no pay. The worst part is my mom would come home and yell at me for 'being lazy,' and she complained that the house wasn’t clean enough. I was depressed growing up, but I was always too afraid to tell my mom about it. I hated that I never had a choice — I just had to go along with what my parents told me to do. Most of my childhood was taken away from me because of this."
—Anonymous
8."Starting when I was around five, my dad’s preferred method of punishing me was to give me the invisibility treatment for several days. It was more than just not speaking to me — he completely ignored my existence and refused to make me dinner or take me to school. Again, I was five years old when this started, and it continued well into my twenties. I’m still unpacking all of this with my very patient and wonderful therapist, but I have learned how this terrible approach to parenting (among other toxic things my dad did) has left me with deep scars. I struggle with believing I'm worthy of love and fearful that those I let in will abandon me. I purposely keep my relationship with my dad now to a surface level and try to limit the amount of times I’m around him. I can empathize with his childhood situation of not having emotional needs met, but I have yet to reach a point of forgiveness — maybe someday."
—Anonymous
9."My parents would constantly lead me to believe we had money problems. We didn't — we were very well off. My mom just complained that we didn't have enough for her middle school-age daughter. Now that I am an adult, I constantly think what I'm making is 'not enough.' I refuse to touch my savings even, if it is the difference between me making rent or not. My mom's constant talking about money, even though we were very well off, has made me believe that no amount of money I make will ever be enough. I am 27 and working three jobs, despite the fact that I make a solid income with just one."
10."I'm a 32F, and growing up, I had a great relationship with my father. We went fishing on the weekends (just the two of us), and he coached my older sister's softball team. When my sister and I came to puberty, everything changed. He wouldn’t talk or try to relate to us — it seemed like he was mad at us for aging. She was four years older, so I witnessed it happen to her first (back then, I didn’t know what it was going to mean for me). She was in high school, so I was around 11 years old. I remember he pushed her out the front door late one night (just for missing curfew), and I threw sandals after her so she wasn’t barefoot. I didn’t understand it then, and I can’t understand it now. Dads: Please be nice to your daughters — it’s not their fault they grow up."
—Anonymous
11."My mom said in family therapy that she didn't want to be there, and only came because she promised 'she'd never open up to me. I'm 30, and need to solve my own problems.' I was 'failing my kids as a mom' for 'not teaching them about god.' Fun times."
12."I was pregnant with my first child due May 2020, so in the beginning of the pandemic. My mom was mad because I canceled my baby shower because of the pandemic. She said, 'I’m coming anyways,' and I had to explain to her how that made me feel uncomfortable because I was pregnant (we lived in different states, thank god). A bit closer to my due date I had a lot of fear and anxiety, and I enrolled myself into therapy. Due to the work I was doing to prep for my first child, I told my mom that I needed space. I expressed how the pandemic affected me, and needed space (this only meant not talking every single day). I went to bed and woke up to an email she wrote me about how I’m selfish, I didn’t let her zip up my wedding dress (I got married in 2018), and a few other things that supposedly caused her stress."
"I didn’t talk to my mom during the last two months of my pregnancy. I did let her know when I was in labor, but nothing more. I was so mad when the nurse told me my mom was on the phone (I was in labor, so I wasn't responding to her).
I still have a rocky relationship with my mom, and I also still have the email she sent."
—Anonymous
13."My mom told me that I was a disappointment when I was 16 years old. I had just gotten my first 'C' in school, and she was furious. She said that I was never going to amount to anything, and that she was ashamed of me — I was devastated. I had always tried my best in school, and I had never gotten a 'C' before. I didn't know what I had done wrong, and I felt like a failure. That one comment from my mom stayed with me for years. It made me feel like I wasn't good enough, and it made me doubt myself. It took me a long time to realize that my mom's words didn't define me. I am not a disappointment, and I am capable of achieving anything I set my mind to."
14."Saying, 'I love you, but I don't like you.' I make sure my kids know they are loved and appreciated every day, even when things get difficult."
"I'm not sure [my parents even realize they do this]. Growing up, I caused the least amount of trouble (the worst was not doing my homework), but I'm different enough from my siblings that I'm bottom rung."
15."We were having take out one night, and I remember my dad having the foil wrapper from his burger rolled up in his hands. I’m not sure what the argument was about, but my mom corrected my dad’s behavior. He said, 'It’s not my fault! See that' while pointing at me. He then threw the tinfoil ball at me, hitting me in the head."
16."I've been thinking about my mom's cruelty towards me about male attention and heartbreak. I was weirdly both neglected and very sheltered, I went to a girls' high school, and a few absurdly hot boys from our brother's school started following me around. They would make sure they went to the events I went to, dates to dances — it was just 'sweet puppy love,' nothing intense. I was shocked and flattered. I had no idea why they liked me, but I rode the wave. I felt unworthy because my mom would say, 'Why are *they* with *you*?' As if I was very unattractive and unlikeable. I internalized that."
"When those boys found someone new, my mom never comforted me. It was always, 'Well of course — what was he doing with you, anyway? He was too good-looking for you.'
I believed her for a long time and thus shot low. I see now that it was all her unhealthy jealousy of me. It was so mean."
17."My parents 'stayed together for the kids,' which was way worse for us than if they’d just gotten a divorce. I would never stay with a spouse just 'for the kids.' The mental toll constant fighting parents takes on a developing brain is severe."
18."My earliest memories are of my mom telling me that she had only wanted four children, and had been so disappointed when she became pregnant with me (her fifth). That was the start of what has been one long, manipulative relationship. Now she's in her eighties, and she constantly tells stories from my childhood about what a good mother she was (these stories never happened). If anyone suggests that her recollection is less than accurate, that begins a months-long barrage of angry messages about what an ungrateful person I am. I keep her at arms length for my own peace of mind, as do all of my siblings. I just want it to be over honestly."
19."I’m adopted, and my birth mom and I got in contact when I was 15. At first we were super close, but then she acted more like an older sibling than a parental figure. She flirted with guys I dated and would get my friends' numbers and talk to them regularly (but hardly return my calls or messages). My ex (who she didn’t even want me to be with) and I finally split because he had been cheating on me and eventually left me for someone else. She told me I needed to do more to 'win him back.' When I got a new partner, she acted like she wasn’t over my ex and me breaking up the whole time. But weeks later, my ex visited her with the girl he cheated on me with and posted pics online saying how good it was to see them and meet her."
—Anonymous
20.And, "I used to think of my dad as Superman — I was 'daddy’s little girl.' But as my parents' marriage became more hostile, the more he began to resent me. I look identical to her and have wondered if that’s why he has been so violent and emotionally abusive toward me. I once asked him in a very deep conversation if he would please be nicer to me, stop interrupting me, and ask if things could be better. I was tearful but rational and wanted him to see how much I wanted him to be proud. He screamed that I was unstable and hysterical, 'not normal,' and that I needed mental help (he's a nurse and is obsessed with diagnosing mental disorders, usually in women). After this, he called the police and then fled. He then called my mom and tried to turn my entire family against me. A lot of people trust his word — he is one of the most cunning and intelligent people I’ve ever met, which makes him even scarier."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you are concerned that a child is experiencing or may be in danger of abuse, you can call or text the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453(4.A.CHILD); service can be provided in over 140 languages.
