"I Knew At The Reception We Would Be Divorced Soon." People Who Got Divorced In Their First Year Of Marriage Are Revealing What Actually Happened
Warning: This post contains mentions of alcohol and drug addiction.
We recently asked people of the BuzzFeed Community who got divorced in their first year of marriage to tell us what happened. Here are the heartbreaking — and thought-provoking — results:
1."My husband was just a liar. He expected me to make all the money, blamed his poor decisions on me, and posted so many negative things about me on social media — all while planning with his criminal of a father to divorce me and take (it failed) my family's assets."
2."As soon as we got married, I was being told where to work, what route to take to work, who to talk to at work, and who not to talk to at work. I asked my wife if she was afraid I was going to cheat on her or meet someone else, and she replied, 'No.' I then stated that it's 'coming across pretty controlling,' and she said, 'That's just how I come across.'"
3."We both were ignoring our own traumas and hoping they would just magically go away. She tried to unconsciously push me away so many times, and I was not brave enough to let her go. Top that off with her father projecting his own traumas into our relationship and pressuring me into saying things that only triggered the trauma he had put on her. The kicker…he was a licensed marriage and family therapist."
"He lives alone now. Last I heard, she was able to move on and work through her own stuff, which is really awesome. She did not deserve what life had thrown at her."
4."Not me, but my sister. She found out before her wedding day that the groom was cheating. The problem (besides the cheating) was that the wedding was getting lots of media attention from our town because they chose the same wedding day as Prince William and Kate Middleton. The amount of free things they got for the wedding was wild."
"My sister ended up sticking it out for six more months before calling it quits and divorcing him. Good riddance!!!"
5."After we got married, I finally realized he was actually drinking and using drugs every day instead of just when we got together. He started staying out all night right away. He came home with a new cellphone, and his credit was so bad that he couldn't get one on his own. So, we were arguing, and I said, 'I am not sharin' my husband with NO other woman!' He asked me WTF do I know about Sharon?"
"Turns out, that was the girl who put his cellphone on her account for him! The things that this guy did would curl your hair. We made it nine months before he had to go!"
6."In hindsight, I can see that we were both dealing with a lot of unresolved issues. He's a narcissist with borderline personality disorder and several substance abuse issues, and I have serious abandonment and self-worth issues, so for the first few years of our relationship, we fed into each other because I desperately wanted it to work, and he loved being the center of my life."
"But I guess the shine eventually wore off because, after about six months of marriage, he cheated — and after convincing me to lie to his parents about it — he left me a month before our first anniversary. Last I heard, he got shotgun married to the woman he cheated with, so good riddance to the both of them."
7."We got married in our 10th year together in a beautiful, small ceremony with family and friends. The honeymoon was great and very 'physical.' From the outside, it looked like a dream come true. Shortly after the honeymoon, the physical part of our relationship all but disappeared. We began ordering out often and drinking wine almost every night. He was my best friend, but I came to find that I was no longer in love with him. He was always looking forward to the next hangout with our friends, and it felt like we no longer made time for each other in a romantic way. I think I fell out of love with him for longer than I realized, but we got along so well that I didn't question it immediately. Around the same time that I began questioning our relationship, a coworker of mine resigned, and I came to find that I had developed feelings for him."
"We had been friends at work for a few years, and I had gotten so used to seeing him every day that it was very confusing for me when he announced that he was leaving. I had never developed feelings for anyone but my partner throughout our time together, so I knew that this was something different. To be clear, nothing happened between my coworker and me while we worked together. We were both in relationships and often spoke about our SOs. Something about him leaving the company and me not being able to see him every day shook me. My partner and I separated just shy of one year of marriage. I have recently applied for divorce, which should be granted in the next few weeks. I am dating my former coworker now (we gave it time before we got together), and my ex is also seeing someone. My ex and I co-parent our animals and are fairly amicable with each other. My ex is a great person; he just isn't the person I was meant to spend my life with. We are both happier than ever, so divorcing was truly our best option!"
—30. Canada
8."We lived together for several years and had two kids and a house. He wanted to get married, but my gut said don't do it. We were already fully entangled, so I went along with it. First sign: He didn't want to get me a ring, even though I told him I wouldn't tell people we were engaged until I had one. I eventually just bought my own because he started telling people anyway. The wedding was amazing, and I don't regret it. The kids had a blast; it was probably the most fun wedding I have ever attended. Afterward, the issues we had got even worse. I didn't expect it to fix things, but I didn't expect it to exacerbate issues we already had."
"He quit even pretending to try. The silent treatment was a common tactic before, but it became more frequent and longer. Before we were married, he did leave me out of important decisions, but he started leaving me out of EVERY decision — he was absolutely the one in charge; he expected me to just go along with his authority at all times. We went to a couple of counseling sessions, but he didn't want to do the homework, which was talking to me every night for 10 minutes. So, I moved him out of the bedroom, thinking that would be the shake-up he needed to work on things. Nope. He moved into the basement and figured I should be willing to live like that until the kids were 18. Hell no. Things are great now for me: I have my own house and have peace. He is still VERY angry and will not go to anything that I am attending, which means he didn't see his kids graduate and missed all sorts of other milestones. He has been like this for YEARS. I had to get my lawyer to intervene so he would actually attend a medically necessary doctor appointment with me for his daughter. It's ridiculous."
—47, Canada
9."I was in the military and got orders for Korea in 1992. She suggested we marry to stay together, and I went for it. Later, I realized she was taking my allotment money and using it for her new boyfriend. We divorced In 1993, and I moved on. Remarried in 2012 and just divorced again in 2023. I don't know what happened to my first wife. Really wish I did and was able to talk to her."
—57, Arizona
10."I was very young when I first got married, and he was very lazy. I constantly asked him to contribute to household chores instead of playing his Nintendo 64. We fought like siblings, pushing and shoving. I'd use all the gas in his car, only for him to run out of gas on his way to work. I asked him to move his car so I could go to work one day, and he refused while he was involved in his game. Soooo, I proceeded to repeatedly and aggressively back my truck over the hood of his Honda hatchback something."
"Needless to say, he called me the c-word and picked up a stick. I grabbed a stick, and we swatted at each other in the yard until exhausted. We annulled within the month. It was like War of the Roses meets Step Brothers. We were very young. He has since been in jail, and I've grown up quite a bit since then, but I still laugh thinking about how ridiculous that was."
—46, Maryland
11."I knew at the reception we would be divorced soon. I had asked that we not smash cake on each other’s faces. He smashed it in my face and up my nose. I'm so happy to be single."
—Anonymous, California
12."Found out my wife met one of the five boyfriends that I now know of, only nine days before our wedding. She slept with him three days before our wedding and one day after...and many times after that. I found out because she had photos of them kissing in her purse that she left at home — after she gave me gonorrhea from him. I've started the divorce process."
—38, Indonesia
13."He was depressed for a long time but was/is a wonderful, kind, loving person. For some reason, he just didn't accept love or maybe didn't believe he deserved it. I think he was so used to being depressed that he was scared to get better because he wouldn't recognize himself. 'Who AM I if not THIS?' type of thinking. After five years together, going to therapy and talking to a doctor was a prerequisite for us getting married. He went, got antidepressants, talked through things, started getting better, and everything was looking up, so we got married. Then, he told me after we got married that he lied...Shortly after starting his healing journey, 'just to appease me,' he'd stopped his meds, lied about continuing therapy, and wasn't going to go anymore."
"He had only started it all because I wanted him to, and it was 'fine,' 'he's fine,' 'it's all fine.' Insert narrative voiceover: 'But it wasn't fine.' SHOCKER! He quickly got worse. As we approached the six-month mark, it was a problem that he adamantly denied. As we approached a year, I begged him; I said, 'It's not just affecting you, it's affecting me; it's affecting the US. If you won't try for you, will you try for me or us? Aren't WE worth even TRYING for?!' And he looked me straight in the eyes, without emotion or hesitation, and said, 'I guess not.' So, I left. I sincerely hope my ex gets the help he needs whenever he decides he's worth it; he deserves to be happy, but he must decide for himself. He's a wonderful person, and he could be so happy if only he'd let himself be. But I have since found my now husband (who I think my mom loves more than she loves me, ahaha), and we're SO happy. We've been through a lot over the past few years, but we got through it together and are stronger for it. I think about my ex every so often, and I hope he's found a reason to try to be happy and healthy."
—34, USA
14."My (now ex) husband shared, after just over a year of marriage, that he had feelings for another woman, and I immediately knew who it was — his coworker who was also a 'friend' of mine. I thought I could correct the course and immediately signed us up for couples therapy. We did one session together and one separately, and then, he just said he was done with our marriage and with me. I then learned he had feelings for this woman the entire time we'd been together (six years!). They worked together and 'commiserated' over how bad their respective partners were; of course, neither of them thought that maybe it was them who were the problem or that the problems we experienced were very common among most couples (communication issues, sex life, extended family, the usual). He ended it, I spiraled, and tried to get him to come back for a month while he asked for no contact for 60 days."
"At day 30, I sent him an email, but by day 40, I realized that I didn't miss him and felt a lot better about myself without him around. When he finally did respond, I waited a little and then let him know that I was done with him and that all I really wanted was an apology for his cheating on me. Still waiting on that, BTW. I forgive him, I really do. There's something so wrong deep inside of him that he felt the need to cheat on and lie to me, even though I was his wife, and made it clear that he could tell me anything and we could work through anything if we worked together.
Through a LOT of therapy, I've realized that it's actually no reflection on me whatsoever, and this marriage wasn't worth fighting for. I feel bad for him, almost. He's gotta carry that weight for the rest of his life, and no matter how he treats future partners, he'll still be a liar and a cheat. ... I'm better off without him and exploring love in so many ways with new people and new experiences... I'm open to love, know what I want, and know that I'll find the right person to settle down with someday. It was hard to move on from the life I'd planned and thought I would have with him, but it gets easier every day, and I'm excited for what's next in my life."
—Anonymous, USA
And finally...
15."So many things. It was my second marriage, her first, and we had a 15-year age gap. She had a secret alcohol addiction, was habitually dishonest, was irresponsible with money, was the mother-in-law, and was cheating. There was at least one affair that I know of. We had worked together for over a year, but she kept all these things hidden well. A year after the divorce, she reappeared and said she had done rehab and counseling and wanted to get back together. We did. Nothing had changed."
"She was still drinking, lying about work and money, and had at least three more affairs (that I know of). We are now done."
—60, Alaska
If you got divorced in your first year of marriage, what ended the relationship? If you're comfortable sharing your story, feel free to comment below. Or, if you prefer to remain anonymous, you can use this Google form.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you or someone you know is struggling with substance abuse, you can call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) and find more resources here.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
