Ok So... How Do You Actually ‘Hold Space’ For ‘Defying Gravity’?
It’s fair to say the new Wicked film promo run has been a little intense. Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande have been bursting into tears on the press tour (I sincerely hope they’re OK), mirroring each other’s emotional peaks and troughs in a way that feels somewhat capricious. The latest viral moment came last week when Out magazine posted a clip of Erivo and Grande being interviewed by journalist Tracey E Gilchrist – equally emotional and incredibly bizarre.
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In the clip, Gilchrist tells Erivo: ‘I’ve seen this week people are taking the lyrics of ‘Defying Gravity’ and really holding space in that, and feeling power in that.’ Despite this making little to no sense, Erivo appears touched and shocked, holding a hand to her chest. ‘I didn’t know that was happening… that’s really powerful. That’s what I wanted,’ she says. Erivo then turns to Grande, who takes hold of her long manicured finger in a show of support (now also, heavily memed). “I didn’t know that was happening,” she continues. Gilchrist responds: ‘I’ve seen it on a couple posts, I don’t know how widespread [it is], but you know, I am in queer media…. that’s my… you know.’ To which Erivo says: ‘That’s really cool.’
It’s easy to see why the exchange has gone viral. Watching the clip is kind of like watching one of those ASMR videos where the creator mumbles nonsensical phrases into the mic. It’s so surreal it’s practically Lynchian. What is anyone actually saying here? How can you ‘hold space’ with the lyrics of ‘Defying Gravity’? What does ‘holding space’ even mean?
Gilchrist later clarified what she meant in an Out article published after the clip went digitally stratospheric: ‘When I posed the question to Cynthia about people holding space with the lyrics to ‘Defying Gravity’, it was two days after the election, and everyone I knew in the LGBTQ+ community was trying to make sense of what we might be facing,’ she explained. ‘I loved her response, and I love that people are having a laugh, because I know I could use one about now.’
In therapeutic settings, however, the term ‘holding space’ has a very specific definition. ‘Holding space in a therapeutic setting means being fully present with somebody else in a non-judgmental way, making room for their experience and perspective, without trying to sway the outcome,’ says psychotherapist Sarah Epstein. ‘Holding space requires empathy, non-judgment, and presence.’
It seems as though ‘holding space’ is yet another example of psychotherapy jargon being co-opted by people who don’t really know what they’re talking about. No shade to Gilchrist: I didn’t know what ‘holding space’ meant until a few days ago myself, and besides, that interview and the subsequent memes have really brightened up my week. Plus, as Epstein says, the rise of therapy speak isn’t all bad. ‘On the bright side, the increase in access to information has gone a very long way in removing the stigma around mental health,’ she explains. ‘Normalising therapy and its vocabulary allows people to access the care they need and feel empowered to discuss their lived experience with confidence.’
But there are also real, troubling downsides to losing sight of the true definitions of words and phrases associated with ‘therapy speak’. ‘Popularising specialised jargon will inevitably lead to misuse,’ Epstein continues. ‘In its worst moments, therapy speak becomes weaponised rather than used to articulate one’s own experience and act in healthy ways.’ Many of us will remember the viral screenshots of Jonah Hill’s texts to his ex-girlfriend where he asserted the ‘boundaries’ he wouldn’t allow her to cross, including ‘going surfing with men’ or ‘doing modelling work’. In reality, this wasn’t really a true example of ‘setting boundaries’ – instead it appeared more like coercive control.
Thankfully, the Wicked ‘holding space’ interview was a far more innocent misuse of therapy speak. But we could all do with genuinely holding space for one another, especially in an age where people are increasingly polarised, largely thanks to algorithms boxing us all off into our own personal echo chambers. On social media especially, people often only seem capable of thinking in binaries and appear unwilling to acknowledge nuances. None of this is conducive to true empathy – or ‘holding space’ – so how can we get better at being patient and gentle with one another?
‘People can build the skill of holding space by building out the skills needed to hold space effectively,’ Epstein suggests. ‘For some, that means listening without judgment. For those who listen non-judgmentally but may get distracted, it might mean working on setting aside one’s phone to listen intently. And for others, it might mean learning to respond more empathetically without trying to solve your friend’s problems. The skill of holding space comes when you can sit with the discomfort of somebody else’s pain without trying to fix it. Just be there.’
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