Nelly Furtado says being single at 45 is 'like a new beginning for me': 'I didn't really get to be single in my 20s'

Nelly Furtado is all about the topic of love, but that doesn’t mean she’s been immune to some of the problems that can arise with self-love and relationships. The Canadian pop singer recently spoke to Alex Cooper on the Call Her Daddy podcast, where she opened up about ex-partners, music and body positivity — and how she’s embracing where she's at today.

Below are the highlights we learned from the “I’m Like a Bird” singer’s interview. Scroll through to see what the artist shared about embracing the single life, loving her curves and how she got out of a past relationship that had "abusive qualities."

❤️ Furtado is fully in ‘love’ — with being single

Furtado, now 45, has had her fair share of relationships. Talking more about her dating life and giving some insight into who she might be interested in, she said her “type” of man continues changing — especially upon age.

“It’s like a new beginning for me,” Furtado explained. “It’s a very fun time in my life because I didn’t really get to be single in my 20s. I was pretty locked down in relationships.”

In her mid-20s in the early 2000s, Furtado was in a relationship with composer Jasper Gahunia. They welcomed daughter Nevis, who’s now 21, in September 2003. However, the couple ultimately broke up in 2005.

A few years later, Furtado married sound engineer Demacio Castellon, with whom she worked with on her third album, Loose. However, they separated in the summer of 2016. Since then, Furtado has welcomed a daughter and son with rapper ex-partner Jerry, who's formerly known as Hodge.

“Only recently, in the last few years, I’ve become single again. It’s just so fun dating — I love it. … Now, my type is like, come correct,” she shared, explaining she likes a man who exudes confidence and isn’t afraid to ask her to dinner.

“You have to enjoy being single, authentically. … If you’re looking for a relationship for real, then be authentic about that. But if that’s not what you’re looking for, ask yourself, ‘What do you want?’ If you want to just have fun and see what’s out there, that’s fine too.”

💆‍♀️ Furtado is embracing her body, curves and all

Reflecting on her rise to stardom as a young adult, Furtado noted the beauty standards were different in the 2000s. In those early days of her career, she said her entire life was like a “whirlwind,” and that it was jarring to see her body edited in photoshoots as well as what she looked like on TV for the first time.

Speaking to People earlier this year, she said magazines would “lighten my skin” and “take my hips down” when editing photos in the early-2000s. It was a practice she said made her angry by the release of her second album.

“You know what so funny? I feel the most confident now. One hundred per cent, it’s now,” Furtado said on Call Her Daddy, adding she doesn’t know exactly why that’s the case.

“I had the 40s glow-up. I was just like, ‘Wow, I feel like me.’”

Furtado went on to explain what might’ve contributed to that mindset is that she’s had the time to work on her inner life: “I’ve had time to work on the things you don’t have time to do when you’re busy.” She shared that included doing things like journalling and going to therapy.

“I had a good time of three or four years doing that,” she said. “I think by the time I got to this stage in my life, I just feel super happy with myself even when I get criticized.”

She noted she understands it’s not the best thing for any one to read online comments about herself, but that she still sneaks a peek at what people say about her from time to time. What she’s noticed is that her body is “polarizing” for many people.

“It’s so interesting what fuels and triggers people, but I think at the end of the day, it can be really positive because you’re starting conversations,” she said. “That comes from confidence. When you’re confident, … I guess sometimes it could be threatening or very empowering.”

Since having three children, Furtado explained her body has obviously changed. But she noted the curves she now embraces isn’t necessarily a unique body shape, particularly where her parents are from in the Azores Islands in Portugal. Instead, she chalked it up to “context,” noting people might be comparing her body to “another era” when she physically looked different.

“I’ve had fun with it, because I’ve been wearing very body-con clothing and it’s very empowering,” she said. “I love feeling this confident.”

💔 Furtado recognizes the benefits of hitting rock bottom

Furtado also reflected on past relationships, noting she’s typically been the person who’s initiated a break up. However, there have been a few times she’s been on the receiving end, and she admitted that isn’t easy.

“Having your heart actually broken by someone that doesn't want to be with you anymore really hurts really badly,” she said. “It’s really, really upsetting. I hadn’t experienced that until much later in life, quite recently, in the last five years.

“That was really hard for me because I wanted to hang on. I wanted to hang on and I didn’t get it and I built up a lot of expectations and things based on things that maybe were more about me and selfishness. Then it was like, ‘OK, when do I come to grips with reality?’”

She further shared how breaking up with someone is difficult but that it can be also be the “best” thing to happen in someone’s life. “You’ve got to hit dirt. You’ve got to hit rock bottom. I had hit rock bottom before and it’s beautiful because then I just come out so strong.”

🧍‍♀️Furtado loves love, but ADHD doesn’t make that easy

But Furtado said she’s always been lover. Although that’s something she’s seeing change in her life, she will always find enjoyment in relationships.

“I need muses, I’m a muses girl. I think it’s because I’m an artist. … I love the idea of being just really inspired and the joy in dating — there’s nothing like that,” she said. “But I also really enjoy my solitude so much.”

She shared people in her life have asked why she even bothers being in a relationship because she seems to enjoy her own presence so much. “It is true. I like my solitude so much that sometimes it is hard for me to be in a relationship.”

For one, she said that might be because she’s so focused on following her own passions and interests. But that might be because of her ADHD, which she only learned she had after having her second and third kids within 14 months of one another.

“I read a great book and it talked about how even as women with ADHD, we can pick partners that kind of make us feel like we’re in the passenger seat because you want somebody else to make all the decisions for us and we just want to coast. I found that really interesting when I read that because I was like, ‘Oh, yeah.’

“I think when I’m on my own, I’m more able to navigate my whole life in a way that works for my brain and for my comfort levels. But I do love love, and I do love falling in love and I find that fun still, but I think my priorities have changed.”

❤️‍🩹 Furtado isn’t immune to being blind while in love

Furtado’s last breakup was difficult. She shared she had this dream of settling down and that she’s always wanted a family. Her last relationship appeared to be arriving at that point of peace, to her “Yellow Brick Road” for the first time in her life — until things came crashing down.

“It’s that idea when the certainty just kind of gets pulled out from under you or the rug gets pulled out, and you go, ‘Oh my God, I have a lot to learn still. I have a lot to learn about me.’ ... “I went through a very difficult time where I think I accepted some things that I would never accept now, in terms of the way you’re treated.”

In relationships like that, she said it’s often the case where you’re blinded and don’t see what might be obvious from the outside. “Sometimes, we just love so hard. … We’re quite vulnerable when we become mothers because we just want what’s best for our kids and we want to protect them.”

That sense of being blind within a relationship can happen to anyone who’s “feeling powerless,” she shared. “You could have all the money in the world and all the resources. But in the mind, really that is your only wealth.”

She further noted that it’s hard — particularly when it comes to getting out of abusive situations — when you’re in a relationship that has an “imbalance and abusive qualities.” That’s largely because you often isolate yourself within that relationship, and that you choose love over telling other people the truth about your situation.

“As women, we think we tend to sacrifice our happiness sometimes once we’re in it. Once we’ve fallen in love. We tend to sacrifice ourselves sometimes and we think we’re doing the right thing.”

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