My girlfriend asked me to move out for 'space', but dated someone else
How I was dumped is a new Yahoo UK column in which anonymous writers share the shocking and heart-wrenching ways their relationship ended.
Carl*, 31, had lived with Lisa*, 33, for four years when she suddenly announced she needed a break.
Life with Lisa was great. We’d met on a night out in our early twenties and I loved her energy and independent spirit. By the time I was 25, we were living together in a rented flat. We threw parties and went interrailing. It sounds all fun and games but Lisa was also hugely driven, into her media career and extremely tight with her own friends.
She often went out with them after work. I was never invited but I was fine with that. They were ‘her’ people, and I knew she’d resent me if I tried to curtail her social life. Anyway, I trusted her. We were still young – of course we didn’t have to do everything together.
Then one weekend she seemed to be in a strange, low mood. We’d been watching TV all afternoon when she announced, snappily, that she was off for a soak in the bath. I assumed she was probably just burnt out from too many late nights and carried on watching TV. An hour or so later she reappeared in the living room, wrapped in a bath towel, and blurted out: "I’m really unhappy. I’m sorry – I need to be by myself for a while. I feel like I’m going mad."
Bombshell news
Crying now, she insisted it was all about her; that she was stressed with work and needed some headspace. All I wanted was to put my arms around her and hold her tight. So I hugged her and told her we’d work this out.
She reappeared in the living room, wrapped in a bath towel, and blurted out: 'I’m really unhappy. I’m sorry – I need to be by myself for a while.'
I moved into my friend Johnny*’s house temporarily. We’d agreed that Lisa and I would keep contact to a minimum, so she could have her 'space'. Life was pretty grim but I still believed it was just temporary. After a couple of weeks I needed some stuff from the flat. Lisa said that was fine, but that she’d prefer me to come over while she was out.
Making light of the split
It felt weird, stepping into the flat where I’d believed we were so happy. Lisa had left me a cute note saying, 'Hi, hope all okay!' and making some funny remarks about Johnny’s eccentric ways. She’d ended the note with a jokey line: 'Take anything you want – except for the toilet!' And she’d drawn a funny cartoon of me with sweat droplets flying off me as I carried the toilet out of the flat.
Her note was so light-hearted, I assumed she must be feeling better and we’d be back together soon.
That’s more like my Lisa, I thought. It was so light-hearted, I assumed she must be feeling better and we’d be back together soon. But I was wrong.
The weeks stretched on. I carried on sleeping on Johnny’s sofa. Then, out of the blue, Lisa asked if we could meet up. ‘At the flat?’ I asked hopefully. She said no – she’d prefer breakfast in a cafe. Neutral ground, I realised. Plus, breakfast – not even a drink. This wasn’t good.
The truth comes out
As we sat in the cafe, I tried to eat mushrooms on toast as Lisa spilled out that she’d met a man called Harry*, connected to her work. She insisted it was 'early days' and that nothing had happened while we were together. A few days later, still shell-shocked, I moved my stuff out of our flat. Still living at Johnny’s, I put off finding a place of my own as I still hoped we’d get back together. But finally, I knew I had to move on.
The weeks stretched on. I carried on sleeping on Johnny*’s sofa. Then, out of the blue, Lisa* asked if we could meet up.
I heard through mutual friends that Lisa and Harry were a proper couple pretty much from the off. I couldn’t help wondering how many times he’d been with her on those after-work drinks, when she’d crash in at 2am, smelling of wine and cigarettes. There was never any real explanation of what she’d been doing, or exactly who’d been there. It was always just 'stuff', with 'people'.
Two years on, Lisa and Harry are living together and they’re getting married soon. I’ve met someone else too. I accepted Lisa’s version of events that there was no crossover between me and Harry, because that’s what I wanted to believe. I couldn’t bear to think she was with him, all those times I lay awake in our bed, waiting for her to come home. But obviously, it wasn’t 'headspace' she’d needed. It was Harry. I just wish she’d had the courage to tell me the truth.
*Names have been changed to protect identities.
Read more: All of Yahoo UK's How I was dumped stories.
