Motherhood Isn't In The Cards For All Women, And Here Are 15 Who Defied Society's Expectations
We wrote a post about parents who regretted having kids.
This inspired the women of the BuzzFeed Community to share their own stories in the comments. They expressed why they decided not to have kids, and their reasons are 500% valid.
So, here are some women who've never wanted children in the picture:
Note: Not all submissions reflect a universal stance on motherhood. Every woman's experience is different.
1."I'm nearly 38, and I still don't want kids — I never have. Honestly, the thought of another person being dependent on me for the rest of my life absolutely terrifies me. However, not a single person in my life who matters has ever questioned my decision; they all accept me for me, and that's the way it should be for everyone. I can't imagine a child knowing their parent doesn't want them."
2."I decided not to have children, and I think I would have been a terrible mother. I have no problem believing I would give every ounce of myself to care for a child — I just know I'd burn out. I know I'd neglect my own needs, and I’d be unable to function — I also don’t want to make another me. People ask things like: 'Don’t you want to make someone with your kind of intelligence?' I live in this brain, and I would not want to inflict my depression, anxiety, and OCD on my kid, so no. 100% no."
3."As a teenager who was able to process my parents' divorce, I realized I didn't want to raise a child if it happened to me. But also, when my nieces and nephews were born, I realized they could solely depend on me to care for them for years. I saw how postpartum affected my sister and the struggles she went through. I became way more comfortable with wanting to be child-free once meeting my current boyfriend, who also doesn't want children and said that it was okay not to want them 100%."
4."I don't want children (never have, never will), and there are a number of reasons for that, but one is that I have a lot of health problems. So not only would I not be able to physically care for a child, but I'm pretty sure they'd also have health problems, too. That doesn't seem to be a valid reason to a lot of people, and it apparently makes me selfish 🙃."
5."I’ve known I don't want kids my entire life — I dislike everything about children. I don’t want to put myself through pregnancy, and I don’t want to put all of my time and money into raising one. It’s not my dream or my passion, and there are millions of other people out there who can do that instead. I will live my life how I want, just like they do."
6."I’m 36, and my boyfriend is 40. Every time we take a random nap, see a screaming child in public or decide to get drunk and scream karaoke in our living room, we high-five each other. We talk about how happy we are not to have kids. We love the freedom and extra money, and neither of us have ever wanted kids."
7."When I was a kid, I never dreamed about getting married or having children like my friends. I knew in high school that I didn't want to have children for sure. When asked, 'Where will you be in 10 years?' other girls would say, 'Married with kids.' Instead, I would say, 'I'm not sure — hopefully traveling.' I was told over and over and over that I would change my mind — when I meet the right guy, when I'm older, when I'm settled down. Welp, I'm 46, met the right guy, married him, got pretty settled, and NEVER CHANGED MY MIND. I do make sure to travel internationally every couple of years. I love some of my friends' kids and I'm a good auntie. Spending time with them still only reaffirms my desire never to be a parent."
8."For some reason, because of COVID, this is the first time in my life no one has argued with me when I've told them I don't want any kids — it's like I'm finally being heard. When I was six years old, I told my older cousin, 'I don’t know why people have kids — they should just get more dogs,' and I still feel the exact same way."
9."I've spent years and years and years telling people, 'No, I don't want kids and no, my mind won't ever change.' They're STILL not listening to me or validating my choices. So, I have gone the 'mean' route (sorry, not sorry). I've started to just be really blunt with people when they keep pushing, and that eventually wards them off. I've tried being nice, polite, and mature about it for years to no avail. These people can't respect my choices, so why should I respect their feelings after telling them for the 300th time that my decision to remain child-free has not changed?"
10."When I was a kid, I was certain I wanted to have a bunch of children. This lasted all the way through college, in fact. I used to say I wanted to be finished having them by the time I was 30. I also thought I wanted to drive them around in a Volvo Station Wagon like that was the ultimate prize (it was the '80s...I don’t know). Then, in the '90s, my friends started having kids right around the time I found a career that I loved. Suddenly, my ambitions changed. I never wanted to be a working mother — I know myself. That’s a juggling act I didn’t want to attempt. Mostly, though, I found myself looking at friends, colleagues, and even strangers with gorgeous babies, and my main thought was, 'Better you than me!' And that’s when I knew it wasn’t for me."
"The funny thing is, despite the societal pressure (especially back then), and although I never planned it, a lot of my oldest friends don’t have kids either (male and female friends).
We’re in our fifties now (holy fuck!!!) and free as the wind. Maybe it’s the career I chose or the independent people I’ve attracted, but I don’t find myself as the sole childless one in a sea of parents. I think that that’s what scares some women, being the 'odd one' out if they don’t have kids. It definitely doesn’t have to be that way."
11."I love kids and love being an auntie, but I love the 'return policy' more. As an aunt, I get to experience the fun parts and then 'hand them back' when I’m done. At almost 39 years old, I don’t see this changing. I’ve always said I don’t need to birth my own kid (there are enough bad genes in my family). Also, pregnancy doesn’t sound fun at all. If I would somehow change my mind, there are many kids looking for a family to love them."
12."From the time I was 13, I have said that I would never have kids. Of course, I got the usual 'Wait until you’re older — you’ll change your mind.' But the one that really ticked me off was people saying that once you have your own child, it is completely different. I wanted to ask whether they would raise my kid if I decided I still didn’t want one. Children are not like fish — you can’t 'throw them back' if you decide it was a bad idea."
13."I wanted kids my whole life. I would tell people I would die happy if I had kids, then I changed careers. I realized the thing I was missing was my career, and I’m 100% fulfilled with it. I’m glad that my partner and I are childless by choice because we are building an awesome life together and children just don’t fit into that picture. We both also have mental health issues, and we could never have a child and risk them also having the issues we have. That wouldn’t be fair to them."
14."My fiancé and I are both in our thirties. We’re both in a shitty spot mentally and have been for a while. We're finally starting to dig ourselves out of it, and the older we get, the more it’s looking like kids won’t happen. Aside from all that, we’re both bad with money and definitely can’t afford a kid now. Everyone around us has more than one. I get overwhelmed playing with my niece and nephew for more than an hour, so kids might not be in the cards, and that’s just fine. Forcing people to have children they don’t want is more selfish than not wanting to have kids in the first place."
15.And finally, "I don’t want to have kids because I think I couldn't parent them. I know I couldn’t punish someone or set ground rules. I grew up with parents who were extremely hands-off, and I just can’t conceptualize being able to handle a teenager or an infant. I read something about parental rules, and I couldn’t believe how strict the rules were that everyone agreed were reasonable! And I don’t want my poor partner to have to be the only one who can actually be a parent. I’m a lesbian, so I feel a lot of pressure to have a child in some way. My mom is always trying to pressure me to have children, but it’s like...she didn’t even raise me. I just don’t want to have to deal with all the drama and behavior problems that I know I couldn’t navigate. I honestly don’t know how people do it. I have two dogs and a kitten, and I’m perfectly content."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
