The moment I knew: the day after our first date I told my mother I’d met the man I was going to marry
In 1996 I was working at the Illawarra Community Development Program in New South Wales teaching print-making and establishing a gallery there. One spring day I wandered into the office and saw this tall guy in goofy glasses and a green Hard Yakka uniform standing behind a desk. I’d never seen him before but something about him was instantly magnetic to me.
When I found out we were workmates I was shocked at how excited I was. Even though he wasn’t my usual type, I was drawn to him in a way I hadn’t experienced before. I made a point of befriending him but it wasn’t long before cups of tea in the staffroom weren’t cutting it, so I bit the bullet and asked him out on a date.
This wasn’t my usual style. While I’m an outgoing person, romantically I’d usually gone with the flow – I didn’t pursue people. But Ulan was different. I had this overwhelming sense that I needed to get close to him.
We arranged to meet at the uni bar in Wollongong. We’d both been students there a few years earlier but had never crossed paths. I’d just left a long-term relationship and had moved into an empty house literally that day. After a few drinks we wound up at my place, sitting by a fire in the yard.
The conversation flowed easily towards life’s big questions: what did we really want? What was important to us? How open were we to adventure? It quickly became apparent we were on the same page.
We were both 28 and shared this fluid concept of what a good life could and should look like. We agreed we could uproot ourselves at any moment and live anywhere. In that instant, I could envision a life with him.
Related: The moment I knew: he gave the homeless man his number in case he needed someone to talk to
I knew I had found someone who matched my energy and imagination and was open to anything. I called my mother the next day and told her I’d met the man I was going to marry.
Things developed quickly and within a few months we were living together. He just had this amazing spirit to make things happen rather than being overly practical. With him I felt this sense that anything was possible, that we could make whatever life we wanted, rather than doing it by the book. By autumn 1997 we’d bought an old Volkswagen van for $1,500 and were setting off together for Cape York. I had another community development position; Ulan was more than happy to come along for the ride and found work there himself.
A year later, on the anniversary of our first date, we were married on his sister’s property in Mudgee. We were so starry-eyed we hardly noticed what a massive undertaking we’d thrust upon her and her husband. Everything seemed possible to us – nothing was too hard.
In some regards we are different people but we complement each other so well. Ulan has always been so happy to jump onboard with whatever wild scheme we hatched – he is almost like my “yes guy.”
The past 26 years have been a rollercoaster of ideas and adventures that we could never have pulled off if we didn’t have the dynamic that we do. We share all the wins and take equal responsibility when things don’t go to plan. We’ve always trusted the process and had a great deal of respect for each other’s strengths and talents. Taking risks and going with the flow doesn’t come easily to everyone but together we’ve always been comfortable taking each other’s lead and finding ways to make life happen.
Rachel Burns and Ulan Murray are sculptors based in regional New South Wales.
