Mom asks if she’s wrong for telling her son to live with his dad because she doesn’t have room
Reddit’s “AITA” forum never fails to deliver on drama, and today, there is a doozy of a story from a scorned mom who’s asking if she’s in the wrong for downsizing her home after a divorce and getting rid of her teenage son’s bedroom. I know that sounds bad on the surface, but wait til you read the whole story to pass any judgment here.
“My ex-husband and I divorced when my son was ten,” the Redditor begins. “My ex had found someone new. We went for 50/50 custody but he still had to pay some child support,” she wrote. “I went back to school at that time. On the weeks his dad had him I buckled down and did nothing but schoolwork. When he was with me I made sure I had time for him before and after school. I did expect him to help around the house but nothing excessive. Mostly just cleaning up after himself and helping with cooking and laundry.”
But as these things often go, she added, “His dad’s house was more fun. I tried to make my home welcoming. I bought a used PS4 and I got fiber optic internet. It wasn’t enough for him. When he was 14 he and his father got the court to award my ex primary custody. I did fight it but my son made it clear he would run away if I didn’t give in. Counseling didn’t help. I tried everything. It was devastating having my son decide I wasn’t someone he wanted to spend time with. He started skipping visitation. When he did come he would leave the house and not come home until it was time to sleep.”
Despite all that, Mom moved on with her life.
She wrote, “During this time I started a relationship with my current husband. He helped me through this. He wasn’t on my radar romantically, nobody was, so he got close by being an amazing friend. I asked him out and we got married six months later. We had known each other since I went back to university. Six months after we got married I got pregnant.”
And as a surprise, her ex-husband was expecting a baby at the same time.
“By strange coincidence so did the woman my ex was cheating with. Not the woman he left me for. A newer model,” she explained. “I had sold my house and my husband and I bought a condo together. Just a two-bedroom apartment with a tiny den. We made the den into a nursery and consolidated our offices into the second bedroom.”
Here’s where things start to really go south.
“My ex moved in with his new girlfriend and she isn’t a fan of my son. His stepmother doesn’t want him there if his father isn’t there so my son is also in the new house with his dad, his dad’s pregnant girlfriend and her mom,” the mom wrote. “My son is sixteen now and he called me to see if he could stay with me. I said I didn’t really have any room. He asked me what I did with his room. He didn’t even know I sold the house. He is very upset. He called me a b—- for not having a place for him to stay. I said he could stay in our living room on the couch. Not acceptable.”
This poor mom is truly doing everything she can, including making plans to buy a new house with room for her son. As anyone looking to buy in this market knows, that’s a big sacrifice.
“I talked to my husband and we have enough money from the sale of my house and his old bachelor pad as well as our condo to buy back into the market. We were waiting for interest rates to fall. And we were going to move to a more reasonably priced city. I told my son if he could take the living room for now we could have a room for him in six months,” she wrote. “He moved in with his grandparents. He isn’t happy there. At least his dad got him a car so he can drive to his same school. My son is pissed that I prioritized my new baby and my work over him. I had no expectation to ever need to house him again. My ex called me and told me to make our office into a room for our son. I told him that our son’s circumstances were his fault not mine.”
Unsurprisingly, there are some seriously mixed feelings here. Many people feel like the son is old enough to face some consequences of his actions—especially since the mom is doing what she can to get a bigger house with space for him. But are they really his actions, or was Dad alienating him the whole time? And did Mom have a responsibility to keep a room for him just in case? There are a lot of points to consider here.
“ESH (Everyone Sucks Here). Your son made his decision, and he got what he wanted. It’s not cool that he is now facing the consequences of his fathers infidelity (again), but this decision is legally bound. It is your ex’s responsibility to care for your son—by his own doing,” the highest-voted comment reads. “With that being said, as a mother, I think you are letting an opportunity to rekindle the relationship pass. He is sixteen, and it was probably really hard to reach out to you and ask for help. There has to be a more creative solution that can get you both under the same roof, while also giving everyone their space during such a transitional stage.”
Another top-voted comment is more on Mom’s side.
“It was fine for you two to downsize to accommodate the lives you CURRENTLY HAD. Your son didn’t want to be with you until he realized he wasn’t a priority with his dad anymore. Yes, he’s a child. But he and his father both made the choices they made and that just isn’t working out for him now is it?” it reads. “It’s lovely you and the current husband are looking for homes to accommodate him, truly, it is. But I think that the relationship between you and your son could use some counseling before he comes back to your house and sh*ts all over you, your husband, and the baby.”
Who do you think is in the wrong in this situation?
