The Midlife Revolution Has Arrived. Breaking Down Why 50 Isn't the New 30 — It's Better (Exclusive)

When you’re young, midlife feels like an abstract and distant concept. Something you know you’ll hit one day, even if you can’t fully picture it. Or don’t want to.

In my early 20s – around the time the Spice Girls were topping the charts — the term “middle age” was associated with nylon nightgowns and comfortable shoes, with bald patches and terrible music, with Marge Simpson, love handles and a bewildering obsession with what the neighbors were up to.

That wasn’t going to happen to us ... was it?

In fact, today’s 40- and 50-something women do look and feel different from their mothers at the same age. Old ideas about this life stage are undergoing something of a rebrand.

Far from sounding the death knell of your health, looks, libido — and fun in general – there is a growing recognition that these years are precisely the moment to start living your best life. Better still, no “crisis” is needed to get there.

As Kate Winslet said in a recent BBC interview: “I’m 47. A lot of women come into their 40s thinking this is the beginning of the decline. Things start to change and fade and slide in directions that I don’t want them to. I’ve just decided: No. We become more woman, more powerful, more sexy. We grow into ourselves. We have the opportunity to speak our mind and not be afraid of what people think of us.”

Until recently, inspiring representations of women over 40 in fiction or on screen were thin on the ground. But the middle-aged heroine is having a moment – and, far from glossing over her age, it’s front and center of the story.

My novel, It’s Getting Hot In Here is a romantic comedy featuring a twice-divorced TV executive named Lisa Darling as she navigates perimenopause, raises teenagers, whittles down the to-do list from hell and clashes with a handsome new colleague at work who has reignited some long-forgotten feelings.

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Other takes on midlife in 2025 will include Jane and Dan at the End of the World, by Colleen Oakley – which follows a couple caught up in a hostage situation on date night — and One Good Thing, about new beginnings after divorce, by Confessions of a Forty-something F*** Up author Alexandra Potter.

In Hollywood, Back in Action — the Cameron Diaz and Jamie Foxx comeback movie about two former CIA agents coming out of retirement — has cemented the audience appeal of this age bracket after it accrued 46.8million views in two days. And on Valentine’s Day, we will be reintroduced to a now 50-something Bridget Jones in Mad About the Boy, the latest in a series of movies – like The Idea of You, Babygirl and Lonely Planet – to flip the age gap stereotype on its head.

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Meanwhile, on social media, there is a growing population of midlife influencers – covering everything from fashion and makeup to fitness and travel – who don’t disguise their age but fully embrace it.  Jen Polt, on Instagram as @makingupforglossedtime, inspires women to “get bolder as you get older,” while designer Folake Kuye Huntoon (@stylepantry on Instagram) — whose biography describes her as “menopausal ... embracing a new era, unapologetically” provides her effortlessly stylish take on fashion for the over-40s. Far from being “past your best,” these influencers show that midlife can be a time to thrive.

It is no coincidence that this optimistic wave of midlife-focused content is happening alongside a long-overdue increase in awareness about menopause. It seems hard to believe that not so long ago something affecting more than 50 percent of the population was barely even talked about. But thanks to Oprah, Dr. Mary Claire Haver and many others. it’s now firmly on the agenda and being comprehensively destigmatized.

In Naomi Watts’ new book Dare I Say It, she discusses how, at 36 — having just filmed King Kong and about to start a family — she was told she was on the brink of menopause. And she’s not the only one proudly owning the topic.

“A few years ago, if I told someone I was writing a book about menopause, I’d get sideways glances or an awkward silence,” says Tamsen Fadal, whose own book, How to Menopause is out in March. “It was a topic whispered about, something we were expected to endure quietly. Now, women will walk up to me and, before even introducing themselves, tell me they’re in perimenopause or menopause! Women are tired of struggling through this phase of life without answers, research and support. The shift we’re seeing isn’t just about awareness, it’s about empowerment. We’re demanding solutions, reclaiming our energy, confidence and joy.”

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None of this is necessarily about defying your age, but owning it, enhancing the experience of it and celebrating the best parts. Some have always been there; but reaching this age can bring perspective, confidence and those joyous long friendships that have sustained many of us through several decades.

But others represent a tangible shift.  As urogynecologist and surgeon Dr. Jocelyn Fitzgerald recently posted on Instagram: “Peri- and menopausal women are the single richest and most educated generation of women that has ever existed. You think they are going to accept the frail, incontinent fate of their mothers and grandmothers? Think again.”

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There is an increasing realization that what many women previously thought of as a  “crisis” that comes in midlife might simply be an opportunity to shift priorities and focus on our health.

Dr. Stacy Sims, an internationally-renowned exercise physiologist and nutrition scientist, describes the way we have started to look at midlife in recent years as, “a sociocultural shift.”

“Women in our age bracket grew up with the ideology that we can do or be anything . . . but only until we are 40, then we ‘age out,’” she says. “Talking about periods and menstrual cycles has become less taboo and it follows that women in their 40s onwards are now facing a ‘wtf’ moment in their health. This has opened up the conversations around peri- and post-menopause, allowing women to find empowerment through conversations, experiences and the global swell of awareness. It is fabulous to see.”

This feeds into the idea of our 40s and 50s as just the start of a stunning second act, offering opportunities that were not forthcoming previously. That’s why so many of us cheered from the sidelines as Sophie Ellis Bextor enjoyed a midlife career renaissance with Murder on The Dancefloor and when Demi Moore received her first Oscar nomination for The Substance at 59.

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I know the feeling well in my own small way. Despite being a bestseller in the UK and Europe, it’s taken until the age of 51 for my books to gain traction in the U.S. As a result, I have the privilege of undertaking my first American book tour — 20 years to the month when I started writing, while on maternity leave with my first baby.

That’s why I’m hopeful that for our daughters, middle age is not the uninspiring prospect it once was. Though I do have a confession: those comfortable shoes weren’t a bad idea after all.

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It's Getting Hot in Here by Jane Costello is available now, wherever books are sold.

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