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Michelle Heaton had "given up on life" before seeking treatment for her alcoholism.
The Liberty X singer - who has been open about her battle with addiction - has celebrated one year of sobriety and admitted she "wanted to die" after hitting rock bottom.
She told Closer magazine: "I'd given up on life. At my lowest point, I'd wake up in the morning and pray for someone to help me or I just wanted to die."
The 42-year-old star - who has kids Faith, 10, and AJ, eight, with her husband Hugh Hanley - has admitted the worst part of her struggle was what she put her family through.
She added: "I didn't care about losing my family or friends, it was only about where the next drink was coming from.
"My skin was grey, I was exhausted and my body was completely unrecognisable and bloated."
And she revealed how she would wait until her husband had gone to bed before she drank vodka "in the middle of the night".
She said: "I'd be vomiting in the bathroom and then lying to the kids, saying I had a bad headache. And believe me, Mummy had a lot of bad headaches.
"I feel so ashamed and sad when I think about how I lied to Hugh – I'd wait until he went to bed to start bingeing on vodka in the middle of the night.'
She noted that since going to rehab for a 28-day stint at The Priory last year, she has worked on her marriage.
She said: "I'm completely honest with Hugh now and he feels like he's got his wife back."
Michelle previously revealed she didn't go a day without alcohol for a three year period before checking into rehab in April last year, and she is now continuing to follow the 12 Step Programme while attending AA meetings.
In September last year, she explained: "It's the first step and its the hardest to admit you have a problem and that you're powerless to drugs and alcohol."