Mental health coping strategies at Christmas
It’s no secret online, or in my personal life, that I suffer from quite serious mental health difficulties all year round. I just don’t go into specific details except to say that I have chronic OCD and generalised anxiety disorder too. Christmastime is particularly difficult however, so I wanted to share some more information with you on how I struggle with this season and what works for me in coping with it.
Why is Christmas hard for me?
Don’t get me wrong, I adore Christmas – I love to decorate the house, get crafty, buy (and of course open) gifts and eat until I can’t move. I’m not lonely and I have plenty of friends and family to celebrate the holiday season with. However, I get very depressed at Christmas and New Year and my OCD goes into overdrive. Instead of enjoying the family I have around me and being thankful that they are here, my OCD makes me focus on the fact that they are going to die one day and that this could be the last Christmas I have with them. Walking down the street and seeing life around me at this time of year just seems to make me sad that the people I see could lose someone they love at Christmas. New Years, I can’t even do at all, so it’s bed at 21.00. For me, the New Year just makes me one year closer to the people I love dying.
I get obsessed with making Christmas ‘count’ and with making ‘clean’ and ‘unspoiled’ memories – my OCD means that if I open a work related email during my Christmas time off or I hear a song that holds bad memories on the radio, that day is spoiled and I can’t keep it as a good memory. This puts a lot of pressure both on myself and my friends and family as they have to almost tip-toe around me and put extra thought into all their actions in-case they upset me. About 10 years ago, I made my family literally re-do Christmas Day a few days later as I felt that the original 25th December had been spoiled. Everyone had to play along so that I could create a new memory. I love Christmas, but every minute of this season is a struggle for me as my illness makes me put too much importance on it.
What coping strategies do I use?
1. Mental reinforcement
What works for me to ease my Christmas anxiety is to constantly remind myself that this really is just the same as any other time of year. It holds no more and no less importance than February or August. Beautiful memories with the ones I love can be created just as well then as they can at Christmas. I also find that constantly reminding myself that I have OCD, and that the anxiety I’m feeling and the thoughts I am thinking are just my OCD and are not real, helps too. I tell myself that you cannot control life and that days or moments cannot be ‘contaminated’ like my OCD tells me they can. Looking back on previous Christmases and birthdays, I remind myself that I only really remember all the nice bits and that all the years tend to merge together in my memory anyway.
2. Re-thinking what Christmas means
I try to understand that Christmas Day really isn’t about perfection – it’s just a day to slob out, eat lots and do what makes you happy. Nothing more and nothing less. Silentnight’s sleep expert Dr Nerina Ramlakhan says that “constantly telling yourself ‘I must do’, ‘I should do’ is draining. Remember that comparison is the thief of joy. You can’t do everything this Christmas. Practice acceptance and say to yourself regularly ‘this is good enough and I am good enough’”.
3. Pampering myself
I also like to take regular hot baths with my favourite Aromatherapy Associates oils or Lush Twilight bath bombs, slather myself in lavender-scented body lotions and always have a good supply of engrossing audiobooks to listen to as I try to fall asleep. A hot water bottle is always really comforting to me too. Dr Nerina recommends that you “use aromatherapy oils in your bedroom to optimise your sleep like lavender and eucalyptus. Orange oil is also really useful, not only is it a warming festive scent, it will give you a boost”. She also suggests that, “it’s especially important to make time to get outside during the winter months when there are fewer daylight hours, and Christmas is a great time for a wintery walk with family; just 20 minutes of exposure to sunshine is enough to boost your vitamin D levels and your mood.”
4. Talking about how I feel
You need to look after yourself at this time of year if you struggle with mental health problems and part of that is learning to lean on others when you need to. Sometimes just talking about how you feel can ease the pain of it. Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends and family for help or just for a listening ear – people will be more accepting and understanding than you think. You can also always call The Samaritans 24/7 on Freephone number 116 123. You are not alone and you will get through this.
