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Men, listen up: This TikTok lists the essential things you gotta do for your postpartum partner

Woman shares postpartum list for men on TikTok
melissmesser/TikTok

If you’re the partner or spouse of someone who is postpartum (or soon will be), one TikToker is detailing all the ways you can help support her as she rests, heals, and cares for baby. In fact, content creator and mom Melissa Messer created a handy postpartum list with every essential you’ll want to have on hand. So listen up and take some notes, because she’s breaking it all down.

Messer calls this list “the bare minimum,” and honestly, she’s right. Too many spouses and partners think there’s little they can do if they’re not the ones going through it directly, but that’s not quite good enough.

First, make hydration and healing your top priority above all else. She needs tons of water to stay replenished—and yeah, that includes keeping a stash of her favorite snacks close to the bed and nursing chair.

“Okay, first and arguably most important is that water bottles should always be filled with ice water,” Messer began. “Like, don’t even let it get to the point where she has to ask. Just have that thing ready. Another thing that should be filled without them having to think about is their peri bottle that they’re using to heal.”

Keep her “healing center” stocked with all the essentials: Tucks pads, adult underwear, anything she’s using as she recovers from birth should always be within reach for a new mama, and she shouldn’t ever have to think about going to grab it if it’s just there.

You should also be taking the reins on household chores and baby care duty, because mom deserves a nap, a shower, and a few quiet moments whenever possible. “Laundry and housework,” Messer continued, “especially if this is your first child, you should be keeping up with this a lot … Also changing diapers, making sure you take the baby so that she can shower and nap whenever she wants and stuff like that. That’s kind of like a given.”

If you have older children, it’s also your job to ensure they’re cared for during this time period. “You should be doing everything with the other kids,” Messer added. “Checking in and asking if mom needs anything, even though you’re with the other kids the whole time.”

Of course, your house will be messy, but staying on top of things as best you can will help it from feeling “completely overwhelming,” she said.

Lastly, emotional support goes a long way as her mind and body heals from all it has gone through. If she’s breastfeeding, Messer recommends to “wake up in the middle of the night for moral support, you know? … Tell her she’s a good mom, at least three times a day minimum. It can feel lonely to be up in the middle of the night with just the baby … just make sure you give her a pat on the back.”

“Just be a little extra nice … Go to the store, get her a special treat, you know?”

She might not have the time or energy for her beloved Target trip or coffee run for a while, but you can take the kids out of the house and bring her back something that she loves. So do that! Postpartum mamas should never feel as if they’re caring for themselves or a new baby alone, and being a good partner means anticipating her wants and needs so she feels loved and supported. You’ve got this! And don’t forget the snacks… trust us on this one.