Married women who kept their maiden names share the pros and cons

The Editors

From Cosmopolitan

Keeping your maiden name or changing it to match your husband/wife/partner's surname after you get married is something many couples fret over. For women, changing your name is undoubtedly a convention steeped in sexism - it harks back to a time when women had to match their husbands' name. Even the term maiden name is slightly ridiculous when you think about it. But many women now choose to do so, and that's absolutely their prerogative because: feminism. So if you're wondering whether to keep your maiden name, here are women who did explaining the pros and cons.

1. "Positive: didn't have to do any paperwork, plus I love my name. Negative: everyone who's met my husband first refers to me as Mrs. Hislastname. It used to bother me but since I'll rarely see them (his work acquaintances) I just have them use my first name and go on with my life." [via]

2. "I kept my maiden name legally and professionally and just changed my social media accounts to my husband’s last name. I worked really hard for an advanced degree under my maiden name and had papers published under my maiden name. Nobody in my personal life has any idea I didn’t actually change my name unless I tell them, and that works out fine for me. The only negative I’ve experienced was some initial snark from my husband about it. He felt like not changing my name was a way of me not fully committing to the marriage, but after assuring him that my decision really had nothing to do with my commitment to him, he got over it." [via]

Photo credit: Brianna R / 500px

3. "Positive: No paperwork and I got to keep my identity. I have a pretty distinct last name that people used to make fun of me for so I feel like I’ve earned my name and I’m proud of it. Negative: My husband was a little sad but got over it when he realized how much paperwork goes into it. I think my in laws were a little peeved but never told me to my face." [via]

4. "I kept my name. I can’t imagine being called anything else and I like my name, if I didn’t and I liked my husband's more then I would’ve probably changed it just for that reason. It hasn’t changed a thing. I wear a ring and no one asks if I use my maiden or married name, maybe they assume? Either way it’s had zero effect on my life personally." [via]

5. "Positively, I kept it because all my academic and publishing has my maiden name. It's easier to deal that way." [via]

6. "It has had zero effect on my life whatsoever. At most, I feel like other people want me or my husband to feel bad about it? But I don't." [via]

7. "I thought it was going to be WAY more of a big deal and it’s not. The only time I’ve even thought about it is when someone addresses me as Ms. or Mrs. and tbh I don’t know if that’s just because I feel old..." [via]

8. "I've done it both ways. I'm so much happier with my decision to keep my name. It causes less confusion because I am of foreign origin, and my name matches that. Before, people were shocked when I spoke with an accent. Now they go in knowing. [It's bene positive] not having to fuck with changing my name on everything, and knowing that even in the event of divorce (god forbid) I won't have to change it, either. The more traditional family members raised their eyebrows, but most came around quickly when told them it's not such an outlandish idea for a woman to keep her own name she's had her whole life. We've agreed any potential children would have his name." [via]

9. "It hasn’t had any effect really besides occasionally having to say 'try my husband’s last name' when someone is looking up a file at the mechanic’s or vet’s or something." [via]

10. "Everyone who’s met my husband first also refers to me as Mrs. Hislastname. However, everyone who has met me first refers to him as Mr. Mylastname, so it’s more funny than annoying!" [via]

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