Making a small 'lily-pad jump' may be the key to achieving big life goals - here's how
You may be surrounded by an influx of 'New Year, New You' energy, but all you feel is stuck—in your job, dating life, unhealthy eating habits, whatever makes you feel meh.
The familiar parts of a daily routine often feel as comfortable your favourite cozy jumper that fits just right. But sometimes, you stay in familiar patterns simply because they're comfortable—you might know that a job, romantic relationship, or other habit isn’t really working for you, but making a huge change can feel so overwhelming that it’s easier to stick to the status quo.
Getting out of your comfort zone can be scary, but what if, instead of taking a giant leap of faith into the unknown, you made a lily pad jump?
Unlike leaping across or diving headfirst into a raging river of change, a lily pad jump is just what it sounds like—hopping toward your next best option, which then leads to your next best option, and so on until you make it all the way across to your ultimate goal.
In more realistic life terms, 'a "lily-pad jump" signifies any small change that you can build on in order to get closer to the ideal change you’re looking to make', says Lauren Elizabeth Larkin, LMHC, a psychotherapist based in New York. The idea is that you don’t have to get from where you are to where you ultimately want to be in one shot; any change at all is better than continuing to sit in stagnation. And you can make that first little jump even if you don’t know exactly what your dream outcome is.
Making a lily-pad jump is all about progress, not perfection
It takes courage to make a change, and you might feel pretty anxious about making the 'right' choice because the stakes feel so high. 'So many people fall prey to thinking in extremes. We get narratives stuck in our heads for who we are supposed to be and how life is supposed to be and [that] can often be very inflexible,' says Larkin.
Those with perfectionist tendencies, she adds, can be especially prone to these rigid thought patterns and may have more difficulty changing them. They think they need to be 100%t ready for and confident in their next move before they can make it. But the reality is that while a lily-pad jump might not be perfect, it will be progress, says Larkin.
When looking for that first lily pad, aim for a goal that requires a bit of a stretch, but isn't so far away that you're too scared to try. 'It’s important not to settle for less than you are capable of', says Arlene Hirsch, LCPC, a Chicago-based counsellor specialising in career and psychological counselling. Especially as we get older, 'many people become more risk averse because they are afraid of failing', she says. 'Although failing is often painful, some of the most important lessons come from failure—if you have the courage to face your fears and keep moving forward'.
Even if you, say, get a new job, and decide, nope, this isn’t it either, you’ve got momentum. Now, you have the confidence to know you can take a leap—or a series of small ones—to get to where you want to go. Once you can see the next lily pad, make the jump.
Ready, set, jump! How to land on your lily pad
Ahead, the experts share three techniques that can help you make your next move.
1. Get your priorities straight
When making a life change, reflect on why you want to do this, says Colleen Christensen, a registered dietician in Grand Rapids, MI. Where does your motivation come from? What’s important to you? There’s always going to be something you wish you could change about a job, relationship, exercise routine, etc., but to make a meaningful—and lasting—change, you first need to identify your non-negotiables and your core values.
When it comes to switching jobs, Hirsch encourages her clients to take the time to think about what they want and need to feel fulfilled in their career, and then see how those values align with their current role. 'If your top priorities can’t get met, it’s time to look for something else', she says.
To find a new career that better aligns with your core values, think about times in your life when you felt really happy and energised, and then write a few paragraphs about those experiences, suggests Hirsch. It could be something small, like a specific part of a project you enjoyed, or a big accomplishment you’re proud of. See what themes and patterns emerge, and then do some research on what jobs or careers are likely to create those kinds of experiences. (BTW: Do your best to block out what you see other people do on social media, or what hustle culture is demanding, and focus on what feels right to you.)
Don't sweat the small stuff (seriously). All those silly little things that aren’t as high up on the priority list? Let ’em slide, says Larkin. If your new gig adds ten minutes onto your commute, or your date shows up in the wrong shoes, these are probably things you can work through. You can’t have everything, but you can have your most important needs met.
2. Rethink your rebound
It’s easy to write off dating after a long-term split as 'rebounding' or a series of short-term gigs as 'job hopping', but it’s time to reframe these experiences as 'pit stops' where you got to learn more about what you want and don’t want in the future, says Larkin. By reflecting on what led you to this pit stop, 'you’ll be able to identify a few things you want to repeat and a few things you could do without for the next time', she adds.
This part of the lily pad jump process is all about trial and error, but still remember to trust your gut. One of the most common mistakes job seekers make is ignoring warning signs they saw during the interview process, says Hirsch. Same goes for dating—the red flags you chose to ignore can be exactly what ends up making a new situation an unhappy one.
But don’t be hard on yourself if you misstep. Remember: 'It's never too late, and we're never too far gone to start over', says Larkin. 'We live in a world of instant gratification rather than appreciation for trial and error. Failure is associated with so much shame, when it's really just useful information.' Heard that!
3. Focus on your foundation
Making a change can feel overwhelming—and ultimately end up failing—if you try to do too much at once. Instead, start by building a solid foundation, says Christensen. For example, if you want to live a healthier lifestyle, don’t jump straight to cutting out all sugar and hitting the gym every day. You'll create much more sustainable (and enjoyable) change if you focus on tackling one week and one habit at a time.
First, take stock of your starting point. Write down your current habits—what you eat, how much you move, and how you take care of your emotional well-being—to identify how each part of your daily routine makes you feel, and what patterns you’re seeing. You may notice that fatigue is keeping you from the gym, or that at many meals you're getting less protein than you need.
Every week, decide on one change you want to make, and commit to it. If you want to move more but don't have the time or physical stamina to spend an hour at the gym, for instance, set a daily goal to take a 10-minute walk during your lunch break. If you're on the job hunt, you might commit to submitting one application or setting up one networking chat each week. We often underestimate the impact of smaller actions, says Christensen.
At the end of the week, look back at how you did with curiosity, not judgment. You’re a scientist gathering data, not a judge deciding a verdict. 'Tune into how different things make you feel,' says Christensen. If your goal was to cut down on sweets, and you reached for fruit instead of chocolate after dinner four out of five weeknights, take note and celebrate that progress.
All these small changes add up over time, so keep it simple, collect and review your data, track your progress, and remember to give yourself grace throughout the process.
What if I regret it?
So you made the jump, but... it's not exactly what you hoped it would be. Maybe your new job feels like an even worse fit than the previous one, or dating is a lot harder than you expected. You may feel further away from your goal than when you started, but consider the personal growth required to get here.
It took courage to leave your previous situation, and you did that—even though you didn't have had the next thing lined up. Not only can you do it again, but you're now better equipped to navigate your next step.
We don't always get it perfectly on the first try—that’s what lily pad jumps are all about. It may take some more reinvention and rerouting to get to your ultimate goal. But you now have more experience to draw on, and you can use it to your advantage.
First, reflect on your lily pad jump, and investigate what you thought this would look like versus what it turned out to be. That’s useful information, says Hirsch, to avoid repeating that same mistake. Before you make your next move, write a pros and cons list on both your current and past situation—what did you give up for what you hoped to gain? If you gave up something that you now regret, you now know that's a non-negotiable you should prioritise when considering future opportunities. 'There isn't any one right path; rather, there are numerous possibilities', says Hirsch. 'The key is to keep exploring and experimenting in order to find the ones that work best for you.'
That said, if you’re going through a season of life when you’re just keeping your head above water—like taking care of a newborn baby or ageing parent, for example—it's okay to pause on a lily pad. Sitting in a comfortable place doesn't always mean you're stagnating.
We’re all looking for balance in life—and whenever you're ready, a lily-pad jump can be a skip in the right direction.
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