Josh Patterson opens up to RW about his mental health journey
A few short years ago Josh Patterson felt so devoid of purpose he considered taking his own life. Thankfully he found his ‘why’ and has since embarked on a ‘mission to change how society perceives mental illness, and inspire mankind to find their strength to achieve the impossible’. He’s done this through a refreshing willingness to talk about his mental health issues and via a series of arduous physical challenges that have generated both inspiration and much needed funds for good causes. The latest of many his running achievements saw him run 76 marathons in all the UK’s 76 cities in 76 days to raise money for Samaritans. He sat down with RW to share the inside story of his journey from desperation to inspiration.
RW: In the foreword to your new book, Fortune Favours The Brave, you talk about a period in your 20s when you couldn't think of a single reason to keep on living. Why did you feel you wanted open up about that time?
JP: ‘I think it's really important to express yourself when you have that opportunity and platform to do so, because there are a lot of people out there who probably question whether they are even enabled to feel something like that – whether it's normal, and how they can cope with it. That period was difficult – I’d wake up and just didn't have any purpose. I didn't have a job, I had no qualifications, no direction in life. I just didn't see a reason to live. What was my value? What impact could I make? I'm very grateful that the day I hit rock bottom, and it was one way or the other, I went the right way. And the fact I'm talking to you now and I'm the cover of Runner’s World is testament to why you should just never give up.’
RW: If you were able to go back to that moment when you were able to bring yourself back from the precipice, what would you want to say to yourself?
JP: ‘Just thank you, because the courage and strength it took for you to not follow through that particular day and to persevere, without any real understanding of why you should, takes an awful lot. Because of the decision my younger self made, I'm here today having lived the life I have and I'm eternally grateful. So for me, every single day is about making the most of that every 24 hours. Don't take it for granted.’
RW: How did you begin to find a way to improve your mental health?
JP: ‘When I came into this journey of understanding that I struggled with my mental health, what maybe the condition was, and how to tackle it, there wasn't really any understanding. I remember the first time I went to the equivalent of a school clinic to explain my symptoms, the guy basically said, “You've got anxiety”. But that was it. There wasn't anything on what could be done to improve it. I left thinking, I've got anxiety, but I have absolutely no idea what that means, or what I can do to improve it. Then it became this journey of just doing things that made me feel better, and realising I was able to subside those negative emotions, and it was a process of building on from that. I've come to terms with a life where I live with anxiety, but I now know the coping mechanisms to make it easier, and also the things that trigger me. And that makes the whole thing far less overwhelming than it once was.’
RW: Did your close friend Tano’s life-changing accident make you reassess your own life?
JP: ‘Yeah, that was a really powerful thing. I’d say to anybody to just look at what goes on around you – even if it's not directly affecting you, there are still messages there. Seeing my friend have his life changed in a single moment – being told he'll never walk again – and seeing the struggles he was faced with daily was the biggest wake up call. I suddenly appreciated that I have the gift of waking up every day and I can put my trainers on and I can go for a run. I can move freely. He can’t. And so I wanted to do this, not just for myself, but for him. I needed to try and motivate him in any way I could – him seeing me tackle my fight with my mental health would hopefully give him the strength to fight the adversity he was faced with, and hopefully take those steps he was told he'd never take again.’
RW: The subtitle of your book is about finding strength in vulnerability. How important do you think it us for people to allow themselves to express vulnerability?
JP: ‘It’s so easy to sit here and say, “it's fine to be vulnerable”, but it's been such a long journey for me to get to that point. I'm a 35-year-old man. I've got a seven-year-old daughter. I've been through a lot to get to this point where I am strong enough and comfortable enough to be vulnerable with people. It can take years.
I think it's important for people to understand it's okay to cry. I cry all the time – sometimes happy, sometimes sad, sometimes because I'm inspired. Emotion has been embedded in every single one of us, we have that opportunity to express ourselves, so why hold that back? It's an incredibly powerful thing. I think that being vulnerable is ultimately what's enabled me to get through every single challenge I’ve faced. My battles with my mental health have been my biggest motivator. Would I have achieved the things I have, or even considered doing them, had I not faced those adversities and felt vulnerable? It's about changing the narrative around it, rather than seeing weakness, see strength.’
RW: You seem to get a buzz from helping others achieve their goals. What do you get from seeing somebody else discover they can do something beyond what they believed they were capable of?
JP: ‘I came to realise that my purpose in life is people. It wasn't making money, I get my fulfilment from helping others. If someone has a dream and I can be a part of that, seeing them fulfil it is the greatest feeling on earth. When Matty, who was the youngest person to qualify for the Ironman World Champs, came to join me for one of the marathons of the 76 he told me that I was one of his biggest inspirations. And to know I played a small part in him achieving something greater than I probably ever will, is amazing. Because it's a ripple effect – what I've done for him, he will now do for someone else, and that person for someone else. And long may that continue.’
RW: You’ve said you’re not a natural runner, so why did you choose the challenge of 76 marathons in 76 days?
JP: ‘Yeah, I didn't like running, but for me that was the trigger. I thought, what can you do to test yourself? And starting with something you dislike will be the first hurdle. Also, naivety is bliss. When I face these things I probably don't understand the magnitude of what I'm facing. People said listen, it takes years to prepare to achieve something like that. But said, who wrote that book? Who's gets to dictate when somebody can and can't do something? Now, you're going to have people with different abilities processing the accomplishment of that challenge differently. Most people will be blown away, but there will also be a demographic of runner that won't be as impressed, because they're basing it on the times. But that's not what we were trying to achieve. I'm not trying to be the greatest runner on earth. All I want to do is inspire people to run. The important thing for me in that challenge was to run times that were achievable for anyone. And we fulfilled that when people would come with the ambition to run only 5km or 10km or a half, but would run the full marathon with us. It was a case of change the environment you're in and see what's possible – and seeing the elation in their faces was just the greatest feeling.’
RW: In your book, you also talk about the importance of surrounding yourself with the right people. How do you find and recognise them?
RW: ‘I’m such an average, ordinary person, but I surround myself with exceptional people, and that's what's enabled me to fulfil everything I've set my mind to. It's a process of trial and error. You could bring somebody into your team because on paper they're incredibly qualified, but if your personalities don't connect, it's not going to work. I'm a very playful person. I take my work incredibly seriously, but I also like to enjoy myself. All my team members understand that so when it comes my strength and conditioning or my running coach, I want them to absolutely beast me, but I want us to have a laugh along the way. So there have been certain team members who are amazing people and phenomenal coaches, but it was just a little too on the serious side for me. Also, as a parent, it helps to bring team members in who also have children as they can spot the burnout signs in me. It's assessing your lifestyle and understanding who would be the best fit.’
RW: You also mention that people close to you can put limits on you. How can those taking on big challenges keep believing in themselves when others doubt them?
JP: ‘A lot of people who invest in you have invested in a version of you that they're happy with. So when that version starts to change, they find themselves in unfamiliar territory and if they're not content within themselves, you're going to be triggering that. It's not what they want. They like the dynamic as it was before. Some of it does come from a heartfelt place of protection, but I don’t think it always comes from the best place unfortunately.
You have to go with what your heart says. You're never going to be as prepared as you think you can be. I've never gone into a challenge thinking we're 100% perfect. It's not a case of, don't go to someone for advice, because there are amazing people out there who will listen and support you, but I think make that decision for yourself and go for it. One of my biggest frustrations is how many people have a dream they've given up on because of the influence of somebody else.’
RW: You’ve described yourself as having an ‘ADHD mind’ and suspect you may have ADHD, but haven't had a firm diagnosis. Has that ever led an obsessive approach?
JP: ‘Exercise, for me, is the difference between life and death. That's a very intense thing to say but with how my mind works, I’d struggle to live without it. It's what keeps me in check, it's what makes me happy, it's what fulfils me, it’s what gives me purpose. But I also think it's important to about find a balance between giving 100% to something and then giving your body time to reboot. In the past I would commit myself to the next thing and the next thing, and never appreciate my body for what it was doing. The world feels like it's never been more active, which is wonderful, but sometimes people aren't taking into account how taxing that is and the body is eventually going to break down. Mine has several times because of wrong decisions I've made, but with age and experience, you find a better system.’
RW: You’ve mentioned you feel calmer in the countryside. Do you find trail running more therapeutic than city running?
JP: ‘I love the country because it strips everything back. You're not there to be stimulated. You're there to be soothed. Running in London is completely different and I love the adrenaline it brings, but I try to inspire people to get into trail running, to reconnect with nature – I think that society is taking us further and further away from our natural roots, but there are ways we can inspire younger generations to be invested in nature.’
RW: How do balance the time demands of your challenges with being a parent?
JP: ‘I think to be good at anything you yourself have to be in a good place, and to be fulfilled. There are a lot of sacrifices that come with me doing the things that I do, but instead of focussing on the times when I’m away from away from my daughter I had to re-process it as, I need to do this to be the best version of myself, and to be the best dad I can be to her. And there are ways in which I can bring her in on this journey with me, where she's excited by it. As she gets older and becomes more receptive to what I'm doing, hopefully I can influence her life in a positive way. Not necessarily to be a runner, just for her to fulfil whatever goal she may have because already, at the age of seven, I can see doubt creeping into her mind, like most humans on this earth. I want to show her that it's worth facing.’
RW: Why do you think you’re drawn to take on these extreme challenges?
JP: ‘I just absolutely love it. This is the first year in six I've not done something and I'm struggling. I love coming up with an idea and seeing the shock on my team’s faces. I love telling my daughter and it goes straight over her head. But the most important thing is not to lose the ‘why’ behind it, and for it to become more about the validation of other people. That's not what mine have ever been about. The original challenges were to inspire my best friend on that journey to walking again. The 76 was about giving a person a reason to live. Having come from a point of contemplating suicide, I know there are so many people around the UK who are struggling. Also, I know I come from a very privileged position where I've never had to worry about therapy or financial support to get the means to help me through, but I know there are so many people who don't have that same support. So I worked with Samaritans. They're not trained therapists, but having someone there that an individual who struggles can call up and get that support for as long as they need it can be the difference between life and death. So when you're at breaking point and your body is shattered – during the 76 I got a stress fracture in my left foot at marathon nine and tore my right calf around marathon 40 – you think about the people out there literally at breaking point in their lives and think if I give up, what message does that send to them? You really have to evaluate the ‘why’ behind what you're doing, because when it becomes just about what people think of you, that's going to make it a hell of a lot harder to get through the really tough moments.’
RW: What role does running play in strengthening your close relationships?
JP: ‘Running is the most welcoming sport I've ever had the pleasure of being a part of. It doesn't matter whether you're an elite or a newbie, there's just a mutual respect for the distance. And there's something about sharing those challenges that builds a bond like no other. To be the support for someone when they're going through it and experiencing those highs and lows together, it really does bond you like nothing else. So to anyone contemplating it, your initial reaction to maybe going to a run club or connecting with other runners might be fear of rejection, but in reality you’re going to have the warmest embrace.’
RW: What are your ambitions for the future?
JP: ‘My biggest dream in life is to be at peace. I just want to wake up every day and feel calm. I want to look back without regret and to know that I made the most of the life I was given. People keep saying to me, is this the last challenge? You're going to wreck yourself. But actually the older I get, the more I realise I want to do this until I die. I absolutely love it. And I think the older you get, the more inspiring it gets, because the odds become increasingly against you. It's about exposing yourself to different terrains and conditions, meeting different people, raising money for different foundations or for different individuals. You're always going to be faced with different forms of adversity, or friends and family will, and I think you can be incredibly inspired by that. So there's an awful lot that I’m excited about, and if the next challenge materialises next year, the most important thing is we raise money and awareness for the foundation we're focused on, and we can inspire, educate and excite as many people as possible.’
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