I love office gossip – but there’s a right and a wrong way to do it

It was the best way to start my day. I’d stroll into the office, reply to a few emails and set my agenda. Then I’d gently nod across the desk towards my friend, a tacit, long-established code between us that indicated it was time for tea. Not tea in the traditional sense, of course – though we’d often make some in the process. But tea in the more interesting sense, the one pertaining to gossip.

Spilling the tea, as goes the parlance, became an integral part of our respective morning routines. Sometimes we’d talk about dates we’d been on the night before. Other times we’d over-analyse texts those dates had sent us, and draft new ones together in our Notes apps. More often than not, though, we’d talk about the people we worked with, trading various tidbits of gossip we’d overheard during post-work pub sessions.

This, it transpires, may have been affecting other people’s perception of us more than we realised. That’s according to a new study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology by the University of Leeds business school, which found that gossiping at work helps build social connections. By presenting 1,400 participants with hypothetical workplace scenarios, the researchers carried out five experiments involving different bits of information about a colleague named “Alex”.

In each one, half of the people involved were told that Alex enjoyed talking about those he worked with, while the other half were told that he actively didn’t talk about anyone else. Participants were then asked to judge Alex’s personality as a result of his gossiping tendencies. The half who were presented with the gossiping version of Alex rated them as more sociable but less competent and moral. They also said they’d be less likely to go to Alex for advice, but more likely to ask them for help when planning social occasions in the workplace.

“Gossip is often helpful in uncovering workplace issues that might not be reported through formal channels and can help increase employee morale,” the study’s co-author, Dr Nahid Ibrahim, told The Times. “It can be seen as a hallmark of a well-connected individual with an extensive social network.”

“However,” Ibraham continued, “it can damage individuals’ reputations and create misunderstandings among members, disrupting teamwork and cooperation. Although gossipers are seen as more sociable than someone who does not gossip, they are also seen as less moral and competent. It can be seen as a hallmark of a well-connected individual with an extensive social network.”

Swings and roundabouts, then. But don’t underestimate the value of having an extensive social network in the workplace. Back in my office gossip days – I’ve mostly been remote working since the pandemic – it helped forge strong friendships between myself and my colleagues, meaning that if one of us was ever in a pickle, we’d always have each other’s backs.

That said, I could definitely feel the lingering judgements of others. Once, my friend and I were told by a more senior colleague not to go to the kitchen together any more because it might make other team members feel excluded. After some more tea time, both we and the other team members we told about this concluded that the senior colleague was the one feeling excluded. We laughed – and continued going to the kitchen together.

To be clear, we were never discussing anything particularly serious. In fact, the more far-fetched the gossip, the better. That’s the thing about workplace gossiping: it has to verge on the absurd in order to parse. Otherwise, you enter slightly more slippery territory. My point is that there are some things you can gossip about and others you can’t – or at least shouldn’t.

In the former camp, you have the basics: rumours about the drinking habits of senior colleagues, who snogged who at the Christmas party, who wished they snogged who at the Christmas party, and what bitchy thing someone said about someone else at the pub. That’s all fair game. And it can help you bond with colleagues, improve your mood in the office and probably also your performance, too.

In the latter camp, you have the heavier stuff. Actual drinking problems. Rumours of infidelity. Allegations of abuse of any kind. That stuff is a slightly different kettle of fish in the gossip game, simply because it’s more serious and shouldn’t really be discussed informally at all, mostly because it could warrant action of some kind. In short, if what you’re gossiping about could be interesting to someone working in your HR department, it’s best left out of your tea time sessions.

But as long as you’re focusing on all things light and frothy, gossiping is nothing but good for you. Frankly, as someone who deeply yearns for the tea time sessions of yore, I strongly advise anyone who works in an office to schedule it into their day immediately. How to go about it? Start a message with the words “have you heard… ?” and watch what happens.