I love my husband but I think of other men when we have sex
My husband and I always fancied the pants off each other and sex is a big part of our relationship. Sorry if that sounds shallow, because we also get on so well otherwise, but that’s a constant connection for us. We had the usual dry spells that all parents endure when you’re up feeding, or dealing with an ear infection, or even just navigating around children bursting unexpectedly into your bedroom. But we always got back on track and I rarely glanced at anyone else. I don’t think he did either, apart from a lasting passion for Debbie Harry, which I could totally understand.
Ten years ago, we hit a tricky patch which really took me by surprise. I’d worked part time since our first child was born and then a promotion opened up in my work. After discussing it with my husband – it was longer hours but the kids were getting more independent so we both felt it was a great opportunity – I went for it and got it. The first few months were wonderfully smooth and the extra money was very welcome; we saved most of it but had a family treat once a month. I could also use the new company gym and decided it was time to get fit, so that became part of my routine.
Our oldest son started babysitting for some of our friends, and that made me want to go out more with my husband and socialise with other couples. I wasn’t planning to exploit my son as I’d happily pay him the going rate to look after his siblings, but my husband wasn’t that keen. He said he was much happier just to lie around at home so suggested I saw more of my friends. That was all right to start with, but I’ve always loved his company so I really wanted us to do a bit more together.
But he didn’t want to and then he started getting jealous, which he’d never been before and it really turned me off him. “Who are you dressing up for, are you and your friends on the prowl, that’s a lot of leg you’re showing…” were some of his comments, which really offended me, so our sex life almost disappeared. I’d never realised before how much I appreciated his kindness – when I’d been at my most disorganised and shattered with young toddlers he’d never made me feel anything other than attractive and now I was actually looking good and feeling confident he was so nasty I couldn’t touch him.
In the end, I did start looking at other men, and sometimes even women, but I didn’t do anything about it and one weekend when the kids were all away I gave myself a shake and had it out with him. I hid my irritation and said he was the one person I wanted to be with but he was making it very hard and he opened up and said he felt unfit and hated getting older, whereas I seemed to be revelling in it and looking great. We sorted everything out, and started to do much more together, including socialising, and our sex life came roaring back. But it’s further fuelled these days by me always having a crush going on, sometimes at work, sometimes a friend, and though I never act on it, it adds a very exciting edge to our sex life. There’s nearly always a third person in my head when we’re in bed together, and I no longer feel guilty about it, because we’re having the best sex of our lives.
