Louise Thompson gets emotional in candid chat about her 'brain breaking and losing control' after birth of son Leo
Louise Thompson has taken to her Instagram account to share an emotional excerpt from her book, Lucky, a chapter called Loving Leo.
The former Made in Chelsea star announced she was getting emotional “even looking at these pages” as she reminisced on the early days of mother hood with her son, Leo and how it was hard for her to bond with him at the start.
“No one will ever really know how challenging that beginning phase was for us,” the 34-year-old said.
She then assured any first time parents who are going through a hard time that things get better and revealed she and her son are now in “the best place” and have the best relationship, although she was petrified she’d never get there.
The star previously admitted she had only started bonding with her son six months after she gave birth, as she was so focused on 'trying to stay alive'.
Louise has been very vocal about her health struggles during and post labour, which she haemorrhaged after an emergency C-section and then again a week later. Due to trauma and ongoing complications, she’s explained how she found it hard to bond with her newborn.
In part of the excerpt she reads, while breaking down in tears: “It’s a very dark thing to consider whether it would have been easier to recover without a baby. Please don’t think I’m anything other than grateful that Leo survived and is here. But it was such an intolerable time, and he was such a direct and constant reminder of everything that had happened,” also explaining that she could “barely look at him.”
“Being back at home was beyond awful. I was scared of my own baby, this tiny hopeless little thing,” she said before emotionally admitting she didn’t feel anything towards Leo as he was an ‘obvious trigger’ of PTSD.
Louise then went on to explain that she didn’t change a nappy for the first six weeks, or bathe him for the first two months as she couldn’t even bathe herself.
Fans flocked to the comments on the post to show their support for the star, who penned in the caption: “I thought I would post a little excerpt from my book : Lucky in case it helps someone that might be navigating the early days of motherhood... and STRUGGLING. The struggle is real. It is bad. In fact it can be disgustingly bad. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
“Find people that will listen. Muddle through. Keep going. Never give up. Your people need you. Your child needs you. You will eventually plateaux. I spent so much of my recovery like a swan, ok up top but paddling like crazy to stay afloat and above water, but underneath the surface I was exhausted and dying,” she continued.
“I literally felt like if I stopped paddling for even a second I would drown. I had to keep my mind occupied at all costs because otherwise the dreaded death memories would seep in. Hypervigilance and analysing of thoughts will stop you from thinking those thoughts. If you haven’t suffered with significant mental health problems you won’t get it. That’s ok. But your brain breaking and you losing control over your thoughts is the worst. I didn’t think I would find my way back. My family thought I’d never be the same again. But I did.
Keep chugging! You can do it! I see you!!!!!”
