My Life In Wellness: Paloma Faith talks parenting, social algorithms and ADHD
Curate
On social media, I only like content that serves me, and my algorithm is pretty good now. My feed is full of female empowerment, single mums, people with ADHD and those who are open about their truth – instead of people who promote a lifestyle that makes parenting look free and easy. There’s also a lot of fashion because I love it.
Learn
I’ll never forget the judgment I faced when the media wrongly reported I was bringing my children up to be gender neutral. I meant that I wanted to make sure they didn’t feel restricted by what society and the patriarchy tells us – that our roles, skill sets or interests should be based on gender.
Guide
There’s a checklist at the end of my book for my daughters, outlining my hopes for them; I don’t want them to compromise who they are. I’ve always felt the only way to access what I wanted in a relationship was to shrink myself. I’m not doing that any more; I don’t want them to either.
Own
When I’ve opened up about my difficulties with motherhood and IVF, people tell me I’m ungrateful. I know better than anyone how grateful I am. When people respond like that, it’s annoying, and I think it’s why so many mums have to add a caveat to any downside of parenting with how much they love their kids first, for fear of being judged.
Move
I’ve always been active, as I trained as a contemporary dancer. I’ve only ever had seven months of my life [during pregnancy] where I’ve not intensely exercised. I train four times a week; it involves a combination of weights, running, HIIT and every minute on the minute intervals. I do sometimes think that if I didn’t work in my industry, perhaps I wouldn’t do it as often.
Educate
Writing a book is a huge undertaking, but I wanted to do it becauseI feel society neglects women and mums. This makes us feel isolated because we end up having to pretend that everything’s magical and it isn’t always; it’s hard and women do struggle. The book is a metaphorical hug for a lot of women and hopefully it will educate some men, too.
Discover
My whole career until now has been quite short-form, so book writing has been good for me because I can go deeper on issues I have a lot to say about. We live in this sound bite, conveyor-belt culture, so I’m glad I could write in a longer format. It wasn’t difficult for me to be so honest – it’s just how I am.
Change
I don’t think co-parenting exists; women still do the bulk of the parenting. There are anomalies, but we need change – from employers, from society – so women face less pressure. Being a single mother is exhausting, but I do have two nights a week when my daughters are with their dad to do as I please; I do miss them though.
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