My life in sex: the man in a 12-year menage a trois


In 2008, after five years of marriage, my wife and I had allowed work and family obligations to take their toll on our intimate life. Sex had been relegated to non-priority status, and we were having it once a month or less.

Then, on New Year’s Eve, my wife got drunk at a party. After she’d passed out at home, I found myself checking her phone, and discovered a string of messages she’d exchanged with a male friend of ours. For three months, they’d been swapping nude pictures and discussing meeting for sex.

I confronted my wife the next morning. I confided that I was hurt by the texts, but also aroused, and pleased to discover that she still had a sex drive. She assured me there were no romantic feelings between her and our mutual friend, only the playful, pornographic texts. We talked for eight hours – the future of our marriage was at stake.

Related: My life in sex: ‘My wife wants a desire-free old age. But I still see her as my sexual partner’

I decided to give her licence to pursue a physical affair, so long as I knew when and where they were meeting. A year later, this resulted in the three of us enjoying a drunken threesome; and in the 12 years since, he has visited the house once a month or more to repeat the experience. It’s an arrangement that has saved our marriage.

We live in a very small midwestern town in the US and have successfully kept our lifestyle a secret – but it seems to have given us a much more satisfying sex life than most couples our age.

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