You Need to Know Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's Chief of Snacks Saikat Chakrabarti
It's beginning to look like newly sworn-in congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is pandering to me, specifically. And I am, what? Grateful! Thanks to her Green New Deal, I learned so much about taxes from Twitter University this weekend. I'm pretty much a certified CPA now, if anyone needs any help with their 1040-EZ. Thanks to her viral dance video, the world had to momentarily shrug off its cynicism to appreciate the Glee-level exuberance of a bunch of college students. And now, I find out that she has a certified snack chief of staff! Saikat Chakrabarti: A Chief of Snacks!
AOC sort of looking fondly at Snack Saikat is literally me looking at the pictures of Snack Saikat that I spent hours scouring the internet to find. FOR THIRST JOURNALISM! Bring the Pulitzer to me directly.
So many things to discuss here. First of all: BEARD. We need to talk about it. It is lush and it is right and like a good socialist I encourage him to share it.
Second of all, that white button-down. Not to put too fine a point on it, but it's telling me the Chief of Snacks has something to get off his chest. As it were. Call an all-snacks meeting! Let's roll up our sleeves and get to work.
Unlike some politicos (::cough:: Ted Cruz) Snack Saikat looks equally good with and without facial hair. A blessing on every American house! Here he is with a resplendent AOC in November. He's closing his eyes because he doesn't want to overwhelm the camera with beauty. It's like a reverse Bird Box. If he opens his eyes, life becomes too wonderful.
They should make this photo the poster for America. Why does America need a poster? I am unclear but it's not like we're killing it in the international PR department. Just print this out really big, like the ALLY billboard in A Star Is Born, and send it directly to the countries that are annoyed at us (all of them) and watch the mood change. Maybe write a note on the bottom that reads "We're not all megalomaniacs! We also have young, hopeful, smart politicians! AND SNACKS!" I've never felt so patriotic as I do right now. Oh, beautiful, for spacious pecs, for onyx waves of hair... Sorry, I've just received a court order telling me to stop.
I feel like I would be remiss in not also mentioning that Saikat is a Harvard grad who worked for Bernie Sanders and was a former Silicon Valley entrepreneur. And also? Very very fine. LET THE RECORD SHOW!
I am not really sure what a Chief of Staff does because the ones that Trump has usually only last about three to six Scaramooches before leaving in a huff, but I assume Snack Saikat will be in charge of listening to the public and getting their honest opinions about his hotness, which is why I have DM'd him my phone number. It's my civic duty! Call any time! For freedom!
Pictured above, AOC judging me after I've slid into Saikat Chakrabarti's DM's. I can't help it, AOC! I'm just deeply involved in politics. You can tax me at whatever rate you want, but you can never take away my thirst!
Get Eric Reads the News in your inbox! Sign up for ELLE.com's newsletter to receive exclusive content every Friday.
('You Might Also Like',)
