‘All the kids were spewing innuendo’: actors and comedians remember their first nativity plays
Lines rehearsed and carols belted out in preparation. Shepherds, angels and kings queueing up, stage left, for their grand entrance. Mums and dads sitting patiently in the audience for the show of the season, hoping their child nails their appearance as sheep #4, or at the very least doesn’t misbehave in front of the whole auditorium.
Ah, the nativity, the beloved bible story that offers kids their first shot at performing and gives teachers the chance to flex their scriptwriting muscles. It has the potential to be a logistical nightmare, but might also be the early making of future acting greats.
Actors and comedians look back at their own first nativities and reflect on the small part they might have played in shaping their careers, whether their performance was a shining star – or a bit of a donkey.
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Kimberley Nixon
Former Fresh Meat actor
“I grew up in a former mining village in south Wales with six brothers and I wasn’t a particularly girly girl. So, when I was cast as an angel in my first nativity I was slightly frustrated that I didn’t get to do the same thing as my brothers, who were wearing tea towels on their heads as shepherds or kings. I wasn’t Gabriel, I was like Angel No 3 or something – but I do remember looking out into the audience and thinking: this is where I want to be. This year my son is doing his first nativity – he is an elf. I have never, in my whole career, been so excited for a casting!”
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Omid Djalili
Standup, actor and writer
“It was 1975, I was 10. I was always really good at drama, so the school said I could be in the nativity. But, when I mentioned that I wasn’t a Christian, a Jew or a Muslim, and I actually belonged to the Bahá’í Faith, I was met with blank faces from my teachers. Soon after I was cast as a heathen. At the time I didn’t actually know what a heathen was, but I had to stand with my arm on my hip and shout. It was only when I was about 14 that I realised what heathen actually meant. I suppose, looking back now, it was one of the most significant moments in my career.”
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Pearl Mackie
Former Doctor Who companion
“I wasn’t actually in a nativity play because my mum sent me to a secular school. But, when I was 11 I was in a Christmas production of Grease, and I was absolutely furious that I didn’t get the part of Sandy … it went to a blond girl. So, I decided to write myself a character that wasn’t in the script or the film – it was the part of the narrator. I also gave the lead a couple of singing lessons. I don’t know if they were actually welcome, but you can see what kind of child I was, can’t you?!”
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Don Warrington
Stage and screen actor
“My first experience of being on stage was in the nativity at school. I was cast as one of the three kings – Balthazar, of course. I got to dress up and wear a crown, my gift was myrrh and it was all very enjoyable. Obviously, it got a bit samey because I was continually cast in the same part every year – Balthazar was the Black king. I guess it made me think that I wanted to become an actor – but I hoped that I would get a bit more variety.”
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Ella Vaday
Drag queen, actor and dancer
“In my first nativity I was cast as a wise man and I was furious. I should have been Joseph! Obviously, I was meant to play the lead. I wore a beard and had the standard head wrap/tea towel situation. Even then I was so up for dressing up (and I definitely still am). I guess being in the nativity started that, but it’s escalated … now I do drag full-time.”
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Catherine Bohart
Standup and writer
“When I was nine, I had a teacher who was also a poet. She’d write filthy limericks and read them out in assembly. Basically, she wanted to be performing and making art, so she channelled it into her teaching. She was like a weird mix between Miss Honey and Miss Trunchbull from Matilda. Anyway, that year she took it upon herself to adapt the nativity into a comedy. She made the five ginger girls line up in a row and picked three of us to play the wise men. We had to walk up and down like camels for the whole show. Everyone was spewing innuendo with no idea what it all meant. My strongest memory is everyone properly cackling in the audience. The parents loved it!”
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Ania Magliano
Standup and writer
In my first nativity I played Mary. Huge brag! I was a huge teacher’s pet – and it has all been downhill from there. As part of the nativity, I had to memorise the whole of the poem The Owl and the Pussycat – which I don’t think has anything to do with the Bible – and perform it during the show. After I was finished, I’d put a tea towel on my head and flip into the character of Mary. Nothing cringes me out more than that memory.
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Nick Mohammed
Ted Lasso star and standup
“My most vivid memory is being in a nativity called The Little Angel that was centred on the angel Gabriel. My blond friend was due to play Gabriel but decided last minute he didn’t want to do it. So, the honour fell to me. I loved it and it started my long love for Christmas! So much so that I even wrote a show about it.”
