Katherine Ryan talks pre-loved fashion and discovering confidence after 'losing her identity' in motherhood - exclusive

Katherine Ryan has many strings to her talented bow; comedian, TV presenter, doting mother-of-three, and as I recently learned, she's also an expert at selling pre-loved fashion on eBay.

When we met at Shoreditch's luxe Curve Club, Katherine was wearing a glittering Christopher Kane 'Mercury' gown complete with a teardrop cutout and all-over crystals.

"I started selling things on eBay in the early 2000s, I totally saw myself as a young entrepreneur," she said, reminiscing on how she'd use a wire to connect her camera to her PC to upload photos of her clothes.

In a full circle moment, The Duchess star was the host of eBay's first ever eBay Live event on 1 May, where many of her most memorable on-screen and stage outfits went on sale via the platform.

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Katherine sat down with HELLO! to discuss everything from refinding her sartorial identity after having children to what her teenage daughter, Violet really thinks of her style.

What does sustainable fashion represent for you?

I've always been very conscious of ethical fashion. Whenever I'm working with my stylist, we try to borrow from local designers who use ethical fabrics. We're both so conscious about avoiding fast fashion.

But I do see the flipside - I have a teenager, and I have been a teenager. It's so tricky with social media, because you see a new outfit and you want it immediately, you don't care where it comes from and it costs little more than a few pounds. But you know that it's going to end up in a landfill.

I feel like it's time to move young people especially away from that and to think quite mindfully about what you're wearing and where it comes from and where it's going next.

Did you find that when you were using eBay in the 2000s that people were questioning why you would want to buy second hand?

In the 1990s, you couldn't just get things from anywhere at any time. There were no fashion houses pumping out thousands of garments a day like they do now. So it was actually aspirational to go on eBay and to get something secondhand, eBay was cool and it was forward thinking. I don't think there was any stigma against pre owned clothing, it was quite the opposite!

I really feel that fast fashion houses have tricked us into thinking that you have to be seen buying new clothes, wear it once for Instagram and then never wear it again.

How would you describe your fashion identity?

I'm still discovering my everyday fashion identity. I truly found my sense of fashion on stage, taking inspiration from other women; especially older, glamorous women like Joan Rivers. When she graced the stage she always had feathers and embellishments and sequins and beading. I loved that and I felt like when an audience came to see her, she had sartorially elevated her status and it helped her to land jokes.

I just love the idea that a woman should represent high Hollywood glamour. I'm really into brooches now. So I'm always browsing eBay for Chanel vintage brooches or precious accessories that match my onstage persona.

What does your teenage daughter, Violet think of your style?

Violet despises my clothes… I'm keeping some special pieces for her, and for my son Fred and for my youngest daughter Fenna in a time capsule and I feel so hopeful that one day they'll open it and they actually care about my clothes. But right now, my daughter's savage roasts about my clothing are almost unbearable. She says I look like the Statue of Liberty. She just basically thinks I look like a drag queen. Which is the look I'm going for, so I nailed it.

I identify very much with her generation just getting excited about their body for the first time. I was the same way, I wanted to wear crop tops and little shorts and I wanted to start showing my body and I think that's why a lot of 'trending' fashion works for them.

With Violet, I'm trying to go backwards. I'll never convince her that her fast fashion brands are not great, because that's what all her friends like. That's what she sees on TikTok - fine, I get it. But I'm trying to entice her with eBay. I'm trying to take some of her wardrobe apart and say, 'I wonder how much money you can make from this if you sold it?'

You recently welcomed your third child, how have you adjusted your style since becoming a mum?

For a long time, my boobs were enormous because I was breastfeeding for about two and a half years! That presented some serious fashion challenges for me.

I definitely had to pivot when I was breastfeeding. I didn't feel like myself because my body literally was feeding other people. It wasn't my own. I had no physical autonomy at that time. It was really rough.

I think it's quite dangerous for a lot of new parents, my husband included, who lose their identity with small children, because you have to be available to someone else 24-hours-a-day - we can do very little of what we used to do.

I think it's frustrating for mums, because we also sacrifice our bodies. And that may or may not be a body that you recognise afterwards. I certainly lost my bum a little bit for some weird reason. It's just changed shape. It's like a square now. So I think for me in my wardrobe, I had to be realistic about what now doesn't fit me. It may never fit me again.

I think to punish yourself and to try to fit giant breastfeeding boobs or your changing body into clothes that don't fit you is what really knocks confidence. I've found that being brave, sizing up, or being realistic about what you feel good in has made other mums in my circle feel a lot more confident.

You mentioned how you lost your identity when you had your children. Have you got it back?

I think we [Bobby and I] definitely don't have it back. Everyone in our house stopped sleeping when my youngest was born, which is torture really. I think you can never really predict how tired you're going to be until you have a baby who doesn't sleep for two years. I just dream of a facelift now. But it's alright, they're starting to sleep better now…

When you're a parent your freedom is compromised. Bobby and I used to be a couple and do things together. Now we're parents, not just to someone else, but kind of to each other. Being a parent is a totally joyful experience. It's life's greatest blessing if you're someone who wants to have kids. But your priorities do get shifted a little bit.

You have to be mindful about keeping up your own hobbies, even if that feels selfish, and you really miss your children. You have to make date night a priority, but you'll constantly be worried about the baby at home, so you usually get home early. I think that's where you lose your identity a little bit…

Bobby has compromised a lot as a stay at home dad. When I was living in Canada, he was an athlete. So he not only had friends, but he had a group of male friends. And I think guys talk to each other while they're doing activities. Guys have to literally be on the golf course, looking at something else and then they'll accidentally open up to one another.

There's a lot less of that temporarily when you have a baby. And if you don't have perspective, you will feel like it goes on forever.

I'm very lucky because I have the perspective of Violet now she's a teenager, I know that she barely needs me for anything at all anymore. She would sleep all day and all night if I let her so I know this baby phase doesn't last forever.

I don't know even how to articulate it, but there certainly is a temporary halt to who you used to be. We are doing women a disservice if we say 'you can have it all', because in my experience, you cannot have it all at the same time.

You can have a really strong, loving marriage that's full of dates and sex. And you can have a really great career. And you can also be a super hands on mother who is with your baby 24 hours a day. But I don't know how anyone can have those three things working simultaneously at the same time.