'Like Kate Middleton, I had to tell my young child I had cancer - it was the first time she saw me cry'

Nina Lopes, 42, from south London had her world rocked when she was diagnosed with secondary breast cancer in 2018, aged just 36, and told she had just three months to live.

While the 42 year old has beaten the odds, she has had to have difficult conversations with her daughter Ilani, 13, including the heartwrenching moment she told her about her terminal diagnosis.

Now, she tells us about how she approached these conversations with her small child, and the unbreakable bond she shares with her daughter.

"I was diagnosed in 2018, when my daughter was around six years old.

I worked as head designer in menswear, so I was traveling all over the place, and I was also getting divorced at the time, but in January, I noticed that I was just very, very tired. I went to the doctor multiple times and I explained all my symptoms, but they were being ignored. By July, I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer.

At this point, I had actually found a lump in my breast. When I went to the doctor at first, they told me it was nothing. Then the lump got bigger, and only then was I finally diagnosed. If this happens to you, be your best advocate. You know your body better than anyone. I kept persisting. I kept going to the doctor. I kept saying, 'Something is not right.' If you go to the doctor and you don't feel like you got to the bottom of an issue, then change doctor and get a second opinion. I think as young women, we get dismissed we're told we're 'too young', but look at me now. There’s no such thing as ‘too young’ to get cancer.

Telling my daughter was something I'll never forget because I think that's the first time she saw me cry, but I knew that I wanted to be really honest with her. I knew that I didn't want to withhold information and I'm really glad that I didn't, even though she was very little.

I wanted to make sure that I'm empowering my daughter to understand what is happening, so that when she goes to school, no kid can say to her, 'your mummy is going to die'. It really enriched our relationship because also I didn't know that I was going live, so as difficult as it was, I am so glad that I chose to be really honest with her.

I didn't choose any fancy language. I was just really honest. 'Mummy's got cancer. Mommy is sick. Mommy is tired.'

Now, I always keep her informed. She's the first one to know my scan results and is very aware of things, of course it's different now because she's older.

I finished my treatment in April 2019 and I had a complete pathological response. However, I have triple negative breast cancer, which is known to come back after chemo. My consultant was amazing. He always made me aware of all the risks.

However, I was a private patient at the time. Once I finished my treatment, the pandemic hit, I lost my job, and therefore lost my insurance, so I fell back into the NHS.

I was experiencing some pain before I got diagnosed in July 2021. This time, it changed the dynamic of how I had to tell my daughter because the first time I could say to her, 'Mummy's got cancer but she's going to fight this and do everything she can to get better but this time, I couldn't promise her that. I just had to tell her ‘they've given mummy three months, so we're gonna live three months at a time, and with each scan, we just see how we get on'.

It's been almost three years now. There's been lots of challenges because when you live with stage four cancer you just don't really know what is happening and today could be good, and then three months down the line, things are really bad, but Ilani's always aware of what's going on.

But telling her that there is no cure, mummy is going to die., I just don't know at what point that's going to happen, but it is coming... That was one of the hardest conversations I've had to have with her. I could see the pain. Once your child goes from being six to being 10 or 11, they understand things better and also they talk less, they share less about their feelings.

So the important part for me is the communication. It's about being clear with each step.

The other thing that I've been able to do as a mum is make sure that she has the support. Family is not always the best support because when you're going through it, you want to speak to someone who's neutral on the situation, so allowing her to have therapy has been really helpful and I've seen a change in her because she can speak to someone who doesn't know me, doesn't know her, she can say exactly what she feels and that's really a tool that I hope is going to help her now and when I'm not here.

She's the most amazing little human being. she's so intelligent, she's so passionate and she's doing so well at school. I worried because with kids, they can become very angry and they can just start to act up at school, but she has the perfect report at school.

I'm not saying that I'm doing anything particularly special - I'm sure there are plenty of parents doing what I'm doing - but I'm just choosing not to complicate something that's already extremely complicated.

I've wanted to empower her with knowledge. I think sometimes people just go, 'oh, mummy's just a little bit sick and we'll get better'. That is not my approach. My approach is to educate my own one and only daughter because everyone, you know, I don't know what the statistics are now can get cancer and she's a woman, she can get breast cancer.

Every parent finds their own way to navigate. I just think what's important is that there's no right or wrong, it's what works for you.

When I was asked to take part in Breast Cancer Now's Gallery of Hope exhibition, I was not feeling particularly great and I knew that the clinical trial I was doing wasn't working. All of a sudden everything changed very quickly and I became very unwell. I've gone back into chemo, I'm on my second cycle and I was in a lot of pain during the exhibition. I actually wasn't sure that I was going to be able to make it.

Japan has always been the point dream of ours and it was something that I was planning to do this year in July, so that was the inspiration behind my photo in the gallery.

Actually taking part in the exhibition gave me something to really focus on. When I walked in the room, I had been so unwell, but seeing that image of Ilani and I under the cherry blossom gave me so much hope that maybe I can still make that dream a reality. It can still come true. That's a really powerful thing for someone in my situation because sometimes the future seems so bleak and you feel like you might not get to it, but I currently believe that I can make my dream of visiting Japan come true.

I think telling your family and loved ones that you have cancer is one of the hardest things to do and I definitely felt for Kate Middleton. The fact that she was able to tell the whole world and and sound so positive couldn't have been easy.

I think that despite the message, she was able to keep it very positive, emphasising that she is working and making sure that she's taking the time to feel good and concentrate on recovery in a soulful way. I think a lot of people will relate to that because it's hard to do, but it's important to do.

I do feel for her, it couldn't have been an easy thing to have to tell the entire world. But equally, I share my story online and, for me, sometimes I find it like therapy to tell everyone but equally, when things are not great, you have to choose what important to share because of course, depending on what you share, people will draw a billion and one conclusions. I definitely felt for her and I sympathise."