"I've Watched Lives Be Destroyed" — People Over 40 Are Sharing The Things About Aging That Young People Never, Ever Realize Will Affect Them As They Age
A few months ago, I wrote an article sharing pieces of advice from BuzzFeed Community members over 40 about things people in their 20s don't yet realize will affect them as they age. It got such a positive response that even more people shared their advice, so in the spirit of positivity, life planning, and preventative self-care, I've decided to share that advice with you.
Oleh_slobodeniuk / Getty Images, Jena Ardell / Getty Images
Fellow young people, listen up: here are some of the most fascinating and crucial things that will be good to keep in mind as we age.
1."Don't let your lack of funds stop you from travelling! My best adventures were with the smallest amount of money."
"I've been to many European countries, Thailand, Zanzibar, Kenya...traveling at night, sleeping on trains/buses to save on accommodation, going to more exotic places off-season all help. Just remember to be safe and research what can get you in trouble before you go.
The memories make me feel so happy now that I'm too sore and cranky to go anywhere that doesn't have a comfy bed and reliable public transport."
2."Do some kind of exercise a few times a week."
"I just turned 40, and my dad is 70. We just rode 40 miles on our bikes yesterday. He gets mistaken for being in his mid-50s all the time.
I work a pretty physical job and routinely out-work kids half my age."
3."You're never too old to start something."
"At the Turkey Trot this year an older woman started chatting with me and said her husband decided to pick up running in his 50s and since then has done several marathons, including the Boston Marathon a few times."
4."I’m 45. I forever feel 25 in my head. I just got into acting and I dare friends in my acting class to guess my age, and most say I look younger than I am."
"Whether or not they're telling the truth is neither here nor there, but just because we get older doesn’t mean we become invisible. As another person said, don’t hold back; dress how you like, wear that bright red lipstick, and if you want to get noticed, get noticed!
I may be a 'housewife' with two kids, but I’ve got another tattoo session in a few weeks and just bought the Doc Martens with the embroidered red roses because they FINALLY went on sale. We only live one life. Do it!"
5."Don’t be surprised if you have to change careers several times."
"Experts have said careers can last just a decade. Thus, you may have to start searching and training before your current career ends. If your career is on the frontline of technology change, keep up what you can even if it means using your own time. If your employer will pay for or provide tech certification training and cert tests, go for those."
6."Opening things has become a pain."
7."Use sunscreen even if you tan well and like to tan. Even if you see a dermatologist once a year, get checked."
Eyeem Mobile Gmbh / Getty Images, Domepitipat / Getty Images
"If they balk at your tanning and give you a lecture, find another, preferably one who gets tanned too. Be sure to ask if your skin type varies and where.
I have to use SPF 30 religiously on my face and ears. For the rest of my body, SPF15 light spray suffices.
Read Consumer Reports sunscreen ratings if you have sensitive skin. You might be shocked how poorly many name brands protect your skin, specifically those that are supposedly FDA-regulated."
8."Do strength training two to three times a week! It doesn’t have to be super heavy lifting, just enough for you to feel challenged and for you to gain some muscle tone."
"I do maybe 5-10 pound hand weights max, depending on the moves.
We start losing muscle mass once we hit our 40s, and for women especially, we start losing muscle after menopause.
It’s beneficial to start that training before you reach that age so you remain agile as you age. It’s harder to start getting fit the older you are. Also, you never know if you might have a sudden injury, and you’ll be better off in your recovery if you’re already in good shape."
9."A cliche truth: If you don’t use it, you lose it. True for so many things related to your body/health."
10."I love that as a 40+ year old woman, I’m invisible to most. I’m a contractor and have been patronized and infantilized my whole career."
"Now, I can spend two hours in a Home Depot and literally no one talks to me, asks if I’m sure that’s the product I need, or says 'Can I help you load your truck?' while really staring at my tits and ass.
The other day I reassured my daughter-in-law, who’s a waitress, that the best part of being my age is now that no one wants to f*ck me anymore. I can actually do whatever I want!"
"I'm a similar age, and while I don't disagree with you, it's still bullshit that our two options are 'tolerate constant sex pests' or 'be completely ignored.' Receiving the basic human courtesy afforded to a generic man would be swell."
11."Stuff is stuff! Skip buying things 'just because.' Honestly, I was obsessed with trying to get my house to look nice and get our kids things they wanted (at the time), but things fade, get broken, and eventually get totally forgotten about!"
"When my husband and I met he was homeless (child support and daycare took almost all his wages) and I was fighting a divorce after fleeing a state halfway across the country. When we finally got to buy a house we had almost nothing… just the absolute essentials. But we did have passes to the zoo and science center (thanks mostly to my parents) and those times, along with the free outdoor trips and adventures, are what's remembered!"
12."If you return to school, make sure it's a good career, something interesting. I got a degree and got a job, but found I didn't like the new career."
"I fell back into what I was doing before. Likely my failing, but I spent a lot of money. But I accepted it, and while not settling, became comfortable in my life. Now retired, I look back with little regret."
13."Best advice I ever got: learn something new each year."
Susumu Yoshioka / Getty Images, Rbb / Getty Images
"Not one fun fact, but learn enough woodworking to build a shelf, or learn cross stitch, or learn everything you can about koalas. It’s not necessarily practical; you don’t necessarily need to profit monetarily from it. The benefit is in stretching yourself."
14."Most people you know, from acquaintances to friends to family members, are a bit messed up somehow. People become less malleable and more set in their ways as they age."
"If you work on yourself, you will become a lovely person. But you can't control others, so know that some people — including people you care about — are going to wrong you at some point in your life. You should know when to cut ties and when to give people grace."
—Anonymous
15."Be kind to your joints! Exercise regularly! Seriously, get that routine started now! I'm in my 40s and trying to exercise, but my joints won't let me."
"Same with healthy eating. I don't mean only eat green stuff, but eat regulary (breakfast, lunch, dinner), and eat healthy foods. That includes dairy and meat in moderation."
"Low-impact exercise is key. I have chronic joint pain. I strength train, I do HIIT, Pilates, and some dancing, depending on what my body can handle that day.
I just take it easy, no running, jumping, or super heavy weights. Sometimes all I do is 15 minutes of a routine, and then maybe take a walk later on. I do a lot of 'beginner' workouts because they’re designed to be easier on the body and for people who maybe aren’t as flexible.
A Mediterranean diet (more of a beneficial eating style than a diet for weight loss) is also good when you have inflammation."
"Might I add yoga as well for flexibility. It can also be body weight exercises as well to build strength, depending on what kind of routine you do."
16."You'd be shocked not only at the amount of people who are having affairs, but the amount who abuse drugs."
"I have a few friends/acquaintances who have abused prescription drugs, amphetamines, or cocaine, and trust me when I say you can hide it for a while, but it always, always comes out.
I've watched lives be destroyed. Even if your peers are doing it, stay away from abusing drugs — including alcohol."
—Anonymous
17."One day, technology will pass you by. After years of keeping up with all the newest and latest trends, one day, you will realize you are no longer on the cutting edge of tech, and someone younger than you will be explaining something they think is so basic, but you cannot grasp it. The funny thing is that a lot of the time unless it's for work, it doesn't even matter."
—Anonymous
18."Moderation in all things."
"I was once addicted to drugs and alcohol. I took abuse to 110%. I then turned to physical fitness to get sober and took that to 110%. After many mobility injuries, fitness had to stop too.
My idea of exercise and being 'in shape' had to change from what it was when I was 27. Had I not taken everything in life to the extreme, who knows what could have been. Now I have to take things as they are. I have to accept myself with my limitations. You will too one day."
—Anonymous
19."I am a devout atheist but I heard the Mormon religion teaches you to stash enough food for two years. I decided to apply this principle to money, and it changed my life."
—Anonymous
20."You have to go to the dentist, and listen to the dentist."
"I had problems with my teeth. The upper part felt like my bones came out and the skin around my teeth was low. I pointed this out to my dentist and she said to get tested...I didn't.
After four years, my back tooth just fell off on its own. I finally got tested; I had cancer."
—Anonymous
21."Appreciate your friends and be diligent about spending time with them."
"As your kids get to be teenagers, it's really hard to maintain your time with friends. You must work hard to schedule time because everyone is busy with sports, etc. And then, once the nest is empty, you find you only text or call occasionally. Make the effort to organize get-togethers. Oh, and you'll probably start to enjoy watching the birds."
—Anonymous
22."Don't try too hard. For years, we've been taught that only the best of the best of the best excel, but more often than not, there are factors besides performance at play."
"As a result, young folks spend all of their mental and physical energy trying to be the best at everything.Choose goals that make sense for you. I'm not saying don't try — I'm saying give everything your best shot, but make peace with the fact that you will not be the GOAT at everything you try. You don't have to finish the most reports in the least time, you don't have to make your boss chuckle every time you see them, you don't have to kiss every ass you see, you don't have to drink the most at happy hour, or spend the most money on your home, or be the biggest super fan of your series in order to be a legitimate person."
23."The main thing I wish I did when I was in my 20s is to get a job that had a pension. A lot of my friends had jobs where after you put in your 20 years you can retire with a full pension and medical. Now they are enjoying their 50s with a beach-loving life."
—Anonymous
24."People with a poor attitude towards aging tend to age poorly. It's natural when you're young to feel like life goes by fast and if you don't move fast it will pass you by, but if you live by that philosophy, you will shorten your life."
"You don't have to use it all up at once, there's plenty later if you take care of your body and keep up with your fitness and hygiene and you can still be a beautiful superhero when those agist haters are shuffling around with their walkers and oxygen tanks."
—Anonymous
25."Getting a college education is important. It’s never too late to go back, but it’s much easier to do school when you are in your 20s and have the energy for it."
"Go away to school, study abroad, really dive into college life and enjoy this season of life! Even with a degree, I’m limited in how far I can go in my career now in my 40s. A degree is a huge investment, but it pays off later.
If you are in college now, don’t give up! See it through and think about what advanced degrees you might want/need while you are still in 'school mode.' Going back after years off is much harder!"
—Anonymous
26."Your height will shrink."
—Anonymous
27."If you always lived an active life, always played sports and worked out, know that as you reach your 40s quality sleep plays a more and more important role in any recovery."
"It's ok to have aches and pains, but at our age, listen to your body, and take a rest day or practice some physiotherapy (like actually do it outside of the physiotherapist's office) until you recover. Uncared for injuries can wreak havoc on your body as it ages."
—Anonymous
28."Your mental health is as important as proper nutrition, hydration and exercise. Find a good group or therapist. Work through your issues whilst you're single and young."
"You'll spend more of your life living in a good headspace versus trying to sort out things on your own. You wouldn't try to be your own dentist; normalize having a good therapist and finding the joy within yourself."
—Anonymous
29."Create your bucket list in your 20s and try to achieve/experience each thing on it. You’ll have lived with few regrets."
—Anonymous
30.And finally: "There will be a last time for everything — the last time you play outdoors, the last bedtime story you read to your kids, the last time you play fetch with your dog, but you will not realize it's the last time until it's over and done."
"Appreciate each moment of your life, because you never know when those ordinary things that we take for granted will stop forever."
—Anonymous
If you're over 40 and feel like there's an element to aging that 20-somethings just do not see coming, or have any advice or anecdotes you want to share, tell me about it in the comments! Or, if you want to write in but prefer to do so anonymously, you can check out this Google Form. Your answer may be included in an upcoming BuzzFeed article!
Note: Some comments have been edited for length and/or clarity.
