'I always loved Christmas, but my eating disorder robbed me of its joy'
Anyone who has struggled with an eating disorder before will know the anxiety and fear that can sometimes come hand-in-hand with Christmas. It may be ‘the most wonderful time of year’ for some – filled with family, friends and food – but for others, December can be a really scary and overwhelming time of year.
Leanne, from London, who struggles with binge eating, describes Christmas as ‘the perfect storm’ where binge eating is publicly accepted and encouraged and then followed by a period of extreme restriction.
‘There’s multiple triggers that cause a lot of anxiety,’ she says. ‘Seeing family and friends that you haven’t seen for a while and knowing that you’ve either gained weight or lost weight – you’re mentally preparing for the comments, particularly from elderly family members who are a little less sensitive.
‘And then there’s the abundance of food. A pendulum swing between indulging and obligation – where you feel obliged to eat the food you’ve been offered, with people chiming “It’s Christmas – just eat it”. Then on the flip side, they’re also saying “My diet starts in January” or “I need to lose weight in January” – it’s just nonstop talk about food, about weight and about diets.’
If you're dealing with disordered eating or an eating disorder, call the BEAT helpline: 0808 801 0677
Isabelle* – who also has a history of eating disorders – agrees that being surrounded by food and being encouraged by others to ‘indulge’ can be stressful. ‘Christmas a time that is supposed to be enjoyed with family, fun, laughter – and good food was very much a trigger for me. I would feel very anxious at the thought of being surrounded by copious amounts of food, often fearing overeating,’ she says.
‘Christmas day was the worst, I would lose control, eat, and eat, and eat. My family and friends often commented how they liked seeing this, as normally I wouldn’t eat much at all. But, for me, it wasn’t enjoyment, it was uncontrollable and painful for me to deal with. It would always end in a purging situation,’ she continues.
‘I would wake up on Boxing Day feeling ashamed of myself. The guilt was unbearable. I would be very tearful, and I never understood why I couldn’t just enjoy this time like everyone else. Then the punishment would begin – the starving and the exercise in a bid to offset the calories consumed.’
Perhaps, this cycle feels familiar – and you too find this time of year hard to manage. Whatever the eating disorder diagnosis, remember everyone is deserving of help throughout the year, especially at Christmas time.
‘I've always loved the Christmas period: the decorations, picking out gifts for friends and family, spending time with loved ones. I am also a Boxing Bay baby so it has always been double the celebrations,’ says Emily*, aged 28.
‘But, for over 10 years, my eating disorder robbed me of this joy, replacing it with fear, anxiety and distress. Instead of looking forward to all the above, I spent most of my time thinking about food: worrying about what and how much I would eat, what I would allow myself to eat, would I be able to eat without purging via making myself sick or taking laxatives. Instead of enjoying the festivities with my family and friends, I spent a lot of my time distressed, starving myself, huddled over a toilet (in restaurants, friends’ and at home) being sick, crying and hurting myself in secret.
‘The added guilt of “ruining” Christmas and the days around it for other people only served to perpetuate my self-hatred, amplify the pain I was in, and reinforce the eating disorder. Each year I told myself “This year it will be different” and “I will not starve”. But each year it was the same. No matter where I was. It was a miserable existence,’ Emily continues.
But there is light at the end of the tunnel. ‘This year is the third year I am truly looking forward to Christmas. I am not “cured”. I still struggle. And sometimes still give in to anorexia. But instead of anorexia being the loudest and most dominant voice, its presence is quieter and more intermittent.’
For Emily, eating disorders are not a choice and they don’t just ‘switch off’ at Christmas, but she says, ‘if you, or someone you know, has an eating disorder, remember to be kind, be gentle, and be patient: to yourselves and to those around you.’
Whether you have an eating disorder or you’re supporting someone you care about this Christmas, we’ve compiled a list of easy tips to help you navigate the challenges of Christmastime....
Meet the experts: Maeve Hanan is the director of Dietetically Speaking and a registered dietitian who specialises in supporting those who struggle with a difficult relationship with food. Martha Williams is a senior clinical advice coordinator with the eating disorder charity Beat.
6 tips on how to deal with an eating disorder over Christmas
1. Tap into your support network
This is such a triggering time of year if you have an eating disorder as food is such a prominent feature of festive celebrations, says Maeve Hanan, director of Dietetically Speaking and registered dietitian. ‘So make sure to speak about how you are feeling as the voice of the eating disorder can thrive when you feel more isolated and when feelings are suppressed,’ she says.
‘Your support network may include your treatment team (including your dietitian and mental health professional), friends, family, support groups and helplines (such as the Beat Eating Disorder charity support groups and helpline).’
Martha Williams, senior clinical advice coordinator with the eating disorder charity Beat, says it can be helpful to have one person in your family you know you can go to for support, ‘someone that kind of understands what you’re going through’. So, if you feel really overwhelmed on Christmas Day you have ‘one designated person you know you can go to – whether that’s your mum, or your sister or your brother.’
It’s all about communication, she adds. ‘Just have a conversation with them beforehand about what support you might need on the day.’
2. Put a plan in place for the festive season
If your family is hosting lots of people who you wouldn’t usually eat in front of, or you’re worried about what others might think, then it’s always a good idea to have a plan in place so you know what to expect – this could include things like timings, portion sizes and who will be there.
‘Your plan should cover things like your coping mechanisms, who will support you, your routine and meal plan, and whether you will be doing any specific food challenges (it can be a good time to challenge festive foods depending on your stage of recovery),’ says Hanan.
‘Having a plan is really, really important,’ adds Williams. ‘One of the best things you can do is plan for Christmas Day and understand what’s going to be served on the day, what time is the food coming out.’
Of course, if you’re not spending Christmas Day at home, this can be more tricky, but Williams still recommends asking your host what the plan is for the day, so you can feel prepared and know what to expect – or asking a family member to enquire on your behalf.
‘Let’s say you’re going to a family member’s house for Christmas and everyone’s aware of the eating disorder – your mum or your dad could communicate to other family members to avoid any language around dieting or fasting.’
3. Use your coping mechanisms
We all need downtime sometimes, especially if you’re more of an introvert and not used to spending lots of time surrounded by food and people. Knowing how you deal with stress – and using those mechanisms – will be really useful around this time of year.
‘Don’t be afraid to take some downtime away from the hustle and bustle of the festivities,’ says Williams. ‘It can be really overwhelming and there can be a lot of pressure. If you need a bit of timeout, just say you’re going to pop out for 10 minutes or take yourself into a different room.’
Hanan says your coping mechanisms will be individual to you, but may include things like ‘affirmations, breathing and grounding techniques, using a stress ball, journalling – whatever works best for you’.
4. Continue to eat regularly
‘The eating disorder voice may tell you that you can skip meals if you have eaten more than usual but this is not the case,’ says Hanan. ‘You need to continue to eat regularly and follow your meal plan if you have one every day, your body needs regular fuel every day and restricting food is very risky when you have an eating disorder.’
5. Set boundaries
How we might cope with the different activities, meals and social events over the Christmas period will look different for all of us.
‘Setting boundaries will be specific to your circumstances,’ says Hanan, who suggests the following; ‘deciding whether you can attend certain events or if you need any support (eg Christmas buffets), making any changes to your environment or routine that would help you (eg not leaving tins of chocolate open if this is a current binge trigger), voicing if there’s any language you find unhelpful (eg talking about January diets or 'naughty' festive treats), setting boundaries about your hunger levels and fullness (eg if someone is likely to pressure you to eat more when you feel full or to comment on how hungry you seem).’
A food boundary can be set in advance or in the moment, she adds, depending on what you feel most comfortable with.
‘This could sound like, “Please can you speak about food in a neutral way over Christmas as I find words like 'naughty', 'indulgent' and 'sinful' triggering”,’ she suggests.
Williams adds that while some people might feel confident enough to ask if you can talk about something else, or change the topic, for others, that may feel too confrontational, ‘especially in a work environment,’ she says, ‘you might not feel that you know your colleagues well enough to put that boundary in place.’
Quietly removing yourself from the room or conversation if you don’t feel able to set an explicit boundary at that moment also works.
6. Plan some non-food-related activities
Although food is a big part of Christmas, it’s not the only part, Hanan reminds us.
Williams agrees – and suggests doing something with your family or with friends that isn’t to do with food if you find the festive season difficult. ‘You could go on a nice family walk, get cosy and watch a Christmas film, play board games, go carol singing, just anything that doesn’t take place around food,’ she says, adding that ice skating, wreath decorating or going to a Christmas light show are also great non-food related activities.
If you need help with your or someone else's eating disorder
Get in touch with your GP and explain what's going on, so you can be referred for specialist help
Contact Beat, the UK’s eating disorder charity, on 0808 801 0677 or beateatingdisorders.org.uk
Get in touch with eating disorder support service Seed on 01482 718130 or seedeatingdisorders.org.uk
*names have been changed.
Read next
Cut through the noise and get practical, expert advice, home workouts, easy nutrition and more direct to your inbox. Sign up to the WOMEN'S HEALTH NEWSLETTER
You Might Also Like
