The Internet Is Debating Whether This Common Modern Dating Habit Is Actually Toxic, So We Asked An Expert

Fabiana Buontempo
·4-min read

Editor's Note: While we can't endorse what X has become, we can bring you the worthwhile moments that still exist there, curated and free of the surrounding chaos.

By now, it's clear that today's dating world is WILD. With sketchy — and flat-out rude behavior — like ghosting, breadcrumbing, and the classic love bombing, people feel discouraged and maybe even a little heated over how some people treat dating.

Speaking of love bombing, which is when a relationship starts out very hot and heavy in the beginning — think being shown a ton of affection from a person, maybe being taken out on lavish dates, and moving fast in the relationship — the internet is suddenly debating whether this is actually toxic or normal.

It's also important to note that love bombing is unfortunately very common and sometimes it can happen without you even realizing it.

To show you what I mean, here's a real-life example of a love bombing situation that was shared on Reddit: "Everything I did was amazing. He got excited that my favorite animated movie was a movie he had only seen one time as a child. He didn’t even remember it! Yet, he cited that as a reason I was a 'perfect' match for him. Anything I did, even if it directly conflicted with one of his opinions, would turn into yet another reason I was perfect."

This viral tweet recently sent people into a frenzy because, for starters, an entire generation of daters is being insulted. However, does this person have a point?

Tweet criticizing Generation Z for allegedly rebranding love at first sight as "love-bombing," calling them anxious and immature

And then this viral tweet shared a similar thought, also challenging if love bombing is a real thing.

Tweet by @Illiiattt: Questions if early declarations of love are manipulative or not, suggesting skepticism

Many agreed with the tweets. Like this one:

Tweet discusses a cultural shift in language, from casual descriptions to psychological terms, focusing on relationships and behavior

And this one:

A tweet says a man felt sure he loved his wife after their second date and decided to marry her a week later, noting sincerity isn't lovebombing

While others thought differently. Like this person:

Tweet by Josh Tomjack: "Loving someone you've known for days isn't love; it's a combo of lust, infatuation, and insecurity. Unrequited love is 'unrequited lust.'"

And this person:

Tweet about a partner expressing love after a few dates and proposing at prom. They've been together for 4 years

Since there seem to be a lot of hot takes on the act of love bombing, I reached out to Dr. Wendy Walsh, a relationship expert at DatingAdvice and a psychology professor with a PhD in clinical psychology, to settle this debate and further explain if love bombing is as toxic as a lot of us are convinced it is.

"The most basic definition of love bombing is 'giving too much, too soon where it feels inauthentic.' Big grand gestures, including words of love and commitment or large expenditures that come in the days or weeks of the first meeting, are signs of love bombing. Either the lover is innocently infatuated, or a con man is using manipulation," Dr. Walsh told BuzzFeed.

Person hiding a gift box behind their back approaching someone smiling at a table, suggesting a surprise or romantic gesture
Hispanolistic / Getty Images

When asked about the toxicity of love bombing, Dr. Walsh said: "Here’s why love bombing has a reputation for being toxic: It rarely ends well. Whether it’s infatuation or manipulation, this fast-paced, magical feeling will go one of two ways: either a crash and burn in the case of infatuation when reality sets in. Or a long, painful relationship that may involve emotional or financial abuse by a manipulator."

"Let’s face it, love is the best drug we have. It is a delicious cocktail of neurohormones that can cause one to feel attraction and euphoria. However, love can also create intense delusions. People prone to 'love at first sight' feelings are particularly susceptible to these hormones," Dr. Walsh said.

Two people embrace affectionately in a cozy home setting, one kissing the other's cheek. They appear relaxed and happy together
Willie B. Thomas / Getty Images

If you're currently single and wondering how to navigate love bombing if you experience it, Dr. Walsh has some helpful advice. "There’s a fine line between demonstrating sacrifice (financial, time, or words of adoration) as courting rituals and falling down a rabbit’s hole of love delusion," she said.

Two people holding hands across a table with drinks and a red rose in a vase, suggesting romance
Henrik Sorensen / Getty Images

"In a healthy relationship, both partners should be doing some assessment, and thus, it can take time. There should be reciprocation, not one-sided giving. After about three months, couples who have reciprocated care should be talking about exclusivity," added Dr. Walsh.

Lastly, "They probably shouldn’t be talking about moving in together or marriage until they’ve been together a year and their mutual tribes have met and weighed in," added Dr. Walsh.

What are your thoughts on love bombing? Do you think it's toxic, or is it another term for love at first sight? Share all your thoughts with me in the comments below!