‘My husband had the snip and he expects sex on tap’

'I truly hope his current conduct is just another post-op phase'
'I truly hope his current conduct is just another post-op phase' - Mister Ned

After pondering and discussing the issue for a number of months then jumping through the necessary hoops for the GP, my husband underwent a vasectomy last year. While it was ultimately his decision, we both talked it through beforehand and decided that our family was complete.

You might think the procedure would have given our intimate time a new lease of life but, ironically, it’s my husband’s post-op attitude that is keeping me out of the bedroom. His idea of what a physical relationship between people of our age and at our life stage should be is skewed since his operation. Post-vasectomy, he has a one-track mind.

I had thought the whimpering about feeling tender and limping around in tracksuit bottoms would be the most annoying side effect of the snip, but since my husband was proclaimed fit for action, he has assumed we’ll head to the marital bed whenever he fancies. Our family life and busy household don’t seem to be a factor in his mind – while he may have had an operation, our everyday circumstances haven’t altered at all.

I have gently reminded him several times that the decision for him to undergo a vasectomy was not a green light for constant sex. But clearly, he zoned out of that conversation and thinks differently. Suggestive remarks and winks have become commonplace, and I find myself preempting his advances and accumulating a stock of excuses ready. However, whatever the reason, whether it be my genuine tiredness, planned early meetings, a spare room containing guests or even our ill children – none of them seem to matter to him and his sexual expectations.

The whining and pouting that follow if I dare to not be in the mood is becoming excruciating and is very much a turn-off. We’ve had plenty of whispered arguments at bedtime when I want to lie down with a good book or enjoy a moment’s peace after a busy day and he thinks something else entirely should be on offer. I’ve taken to wearing the least sexy nightwear I can find – old T-shirts and faded pyjamas – but this hasn’t dampened his ardour.

There’s a lot of conjecture about what he had to go through to undergo a vasectomy and he likes to reiterate the physical discomfort and recovery time. It’s as if my health and recovery post-childbirth and various post-natal traumas have been totally forgotten. He regularly launches into this monologue in an effort to either wear me down or gain some sympathy. Unsurprisingly, it doesn’t work.

If his attitude wasn’t so annoying, it would be laughable. He seems to think he is the virile young chap of 20 years ago with stamina to match and that I am doing him a disservice by turning down his advances. He hasn’t yet twigged, but guilt-tripping me won’t do the trick. If he wasn’t trying so hard to pursue me or whinging about it, I’d be a lot more inclined to inject some romance back into the relationship.

I truly hope his current conduct is just another post-op phase and he soon starts acting like a man of his age with children and a demanding job. It’s a cliché, but the best thing he could do would be to stop complaining and start listening – maybe then he’d get the desired result.