How to talk to kids about loss as Kate Garraway shares sweet conversation
Kate Garraway has revealed a sweet conversation she had with her daughter Darcey in the aftermath of her husband’s death.
Garraway's husband Derek Draper, 56, died almost four years after becoming severely ill with COVID. The presenter announced her husband of 18 year’s death on Instagram last week after he suffered a sudden cardiac arrest in early December.
Now, Garraway’s Good Morning Britain co-host Ben Shephard has shared a conversation between the presenter and her 17-year-old Darcey who he said are in the ‘next stages’ of grief.
“They are in the next stages of working out what happens,” he explained. “There's a lot of admin to do when you lose someone. In that brilliant way yesterday, she said, ‘I have to go out to go and register the death’. She told Darcey, ‘I'm going to have to go out the house’, and Darcey said, ‘I know this is going to be really hard but can I make one suggestion?’ She says, ‘course you can darling’.
“And then Darcey said, ‘can you take the Christmas jumper off and can you brush your hair?’ She said to me the clocks stopped for us just before Christmas when Derek had that heart attack and she's just starting to come out of that. We all know that Kate in the run up to Christmas wears a new Christmas jumper every day, she supports the charity. And suddenly she realises yesterday that everything has been frozen in time since then. So now it's about the next part of his journey.”
Watch: Kate Garraway's touching conversation with her daughter after Derek Draper's death
Loss of a parent or a loved one can be devastating at any age, but it can be particularly tough as a child. So, what’s the best way to speak to kids and teenagers about loss?
At what age do children become aware of grief and loss?
Bianca Neumann, head of bereavement at Sue Ryder, the national bereavement charity, tells Yahoo UK that children usually begin to grasp the concept of grief and loss around the age of two. However, this varies between individuals, and their understanding of it evolves as they get older.
"It's important to introduce them to the concept of loss in an age-appropriate manner, using simple, clear language that they can comprehend - this will vary depending on each child," Neumann says.
"If a child asks you questions, try to be honest but provide the appropriate level of detail for them."
How to speak to children about the loss of a loved one
If you are going through your own grieving process, it can be particularly difficult to help a child cope with a death of a loved one, but there are steps you can take to support them. Neumann adds that there is "no rulebook for how they will grieve, or how you can best support them".
"When discussing a bereavement with a child or a teenager, it's best to be honest yet sensitive - just as you would be with an adult," she advises.
"The key is to tell and show them that it's alright to feel and express emotions, and to support them to make sense of what's going on."
When it comes to the death of a parent, things can be "undoubtedly challenging".
"It's a conversation that requires compassion, empathy, and patience. The key is to ensure the child feels safe and supported, validating their feelings, and assuring them that it's okay to grieve and that there is no ‘right way to grieve’."
How will my child react to grief?
There are no set patterns when it comes to grief, as each individual grieves in their own way - including children.
However, there are some signs you can look out for to assess if your child is grieving, so that you can provide comfort and support wherever it's needed.
A spokesperson for mental health charity Living Well tells Yahoo UK: "A child might display increased emotional responses, needing and seeking comfort, asking about the person, curiosity about death.
"But equally the opposite, reduced emotional responses, withdrawing, not talking about the person, discomfort with anything relating to death."
Neumann adds: "It's crucial to understand that all reactions are normal and part of their grieving proess. However, it is important to recognise signs of potential depression or anxiety that will require further support.
"You should also let the child know that it's OK to play and have fun. Children often make sense of difficult events through play. Playing is therapeutic, as it gives children a break from grieving and a chance to express their feelings in their own way. It allows them to relieve anxiety and stress through movement."
Should I keep the loved one's memory alive for the kids?
It might be painful, but finding ways to keep the memory of a loved one alive can be important for both you and your children.
Doing so can help children "feel connected to the person they've lost and aid in their grieving process both in the short and long term", Neumann explains.
"Rituals and ways of remembering can be important for children. This might be creating a memory box, regularly looking at photographs or having special ways or places where you remember and talk about the person you have lost. These special times can become part of your family routine.
Parenting: Read more
Jonnie Irwin concerned his kids won’t remember him: How to prepare children for death (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
How parents can help a grieving child and tackle tricky conversations about death (Yahoo Life UK, 7-min read)
Signs your child is struggling with their mental health (Yahoo Life UK, 7-min read)
