Holiday travel is utter chaos. Is picking someone up from the airport an act of love or an unnecessary burden?

The chaos of airport travel during the holidays is unmatched. The TSA is reporting that more than 40 million people are set to fly between Dec. 19 and Jan. 2 and auto club AAA says roughly 119 million people will travel 50 or more miles from home during about the same period. The sheer volume of people, cars and more is just one of many reasons why there are people who, no matter how many gifts someone's bringing or how much a visiting nephew is adored, they’d prefer to avoid the pickup lot — or, let’s be real, the grab-and-dash-while-illegally-idling move — at any cost. Others, however, couldn’t fathom not grabbing someone they cared about at arrivals, nor would they want to call a cab to take them to their destination postflight. For every airport-phobic individual, there’s another who relishes in the romanticism of an airport pickup.

There are two sides to this debate — and honestly, it won’t be settled any time soon. Weighing whether to brave the airport traffic or leave your loved one standing out in the cold for a taxi? We looked at both sides to help you make up your mind.

Team Anti-Airport

As an Angeleno, I try to avoid heading to Los Angeles International Airport as much as possible — which means, yes, I loathe airport pickups. Between the hour-plus drive from my house (which doesn’t even factor in the city’s brutal holiday traffic) to the stress of meeting in the correct pickup zone, fetching someone at the airport is a slog.

People on TikTok, who capture and mock these too-familiar scenes, are well aware that picking up people at the airport can be hell, too, no matter where your guest is flying into. There’s the traffic guard who won’t let you idle. The friend who can’t properly identify what terminal they’re at. The agonizing monotony of going around and around and around the terminals as you wait for your just-arrived guest to get off the plane. (Because, again, that traffic guard will NOT let you idle.)

Don’t get me wrong here: I know it’s occasionally necessary — like, say, for guests who are new to their visiting city, need help with luggage/pets/babies/etc. or are heading to a place inconvenient or impossible for a taxi or an Uber to take them to. But if someone can easily call an Uber, I’d much rather cover the cost than get behind the wheel.

I’m not alone in how I feel. Redditor carm3nsandiego posted their own takedown of airport pickups in the subreddit UnpopularOpinions, writing that people who expect to be picked up from the airport have an “insane” sense of entitlement. “Most airports are at LEAST 30-45 min (many 60 min) each way without traffic or weather delays,” they wrote. “Expecting someone you love to waste potentially 2 hours round trip (maybe more with traffic) shows you don’t value their time.” Plus, as they put it, there are various options for people of all budgets, including bus, train, airport shuttle, taxi, ride-share apps and more. “And even if you think you’re exempt because you politely ask, you’re putting that person in an awkward position and they’ll probably reluctantly say yes,” they wrote. “Just don’t ask.”

Redditor saikoupsycho718, on the same thread, which has more than 1,000 comments, agreed. “I feel like it shows a lack of personable responsibility,” they said. “If you live in a metropolitan area there is little reason someone needs to be your transport to/from the airport.”

And Nikki Waller at the Wall Street Journal boldly declared in 2023 that “no one should pick you up from the airport.” She pointed to many of the same reasons I do, from problematically congested airport traffic (a huge issue in American cities, especially around the holidays!) to never-quite-accurate airplane arrival times, which can leave you doing the “purgatorial wait” in the cellphone lot for far too long.

“Yes, you deserve someone who picks you up from the airport, as United Airlines posted online recently. But your someones deserve even more,” Waller wrote. “Seize your power and let them off the hook, this year and every year. Set a new expectation: a cold drink waiting for you when the cab drops you at home.”

Team Pro Airport Pickup

For everyone who complains about the airport trek, there’s another person swooning over how getting picked up at the airport is the ultimate expression of love. There are dozens of videos on TikTok filed under “Airport Pickup Is A Love Language.”

“I will always pick the people I love up from the airport no matter how far away it is or how late they land and that pretty much sums me up as a person,” wrote TikToker @SomeMountainSomewhere, alongside footage of them doing exactly that.

“Airport pickups are such a show of love,” @Mochievous wrote on X. “Doesn’t matter if it is romantic or platonic. Anyone who picks you up from the airport that you aren’t paying to do so, actually loves you.”

Dawn Gilbertson declared in a Wall Street Journal rebuttal to her anti-airport co-worker Waller that if she’s free, she will “bring anyone to the airport” — including her former husband. “It saves us all money, too,” she added. “Hitching a ride with family or friends adds a personal touch the most charming Uber Black driver can’t replicate.”

Washington Post advice columnist Amy Dickinson agreed with the sentiment, writing in a January 2023 piece, “After an arduous journey, seeing a familiar, loving face and then getting a big hug means your journey is over. Whew! Climbing into even the nicest hired car means you’re still traveling — sitting in the back of a car, alone, on one more leg of your journey.”

“Nowadays it’s common to outsource everything,” Dickinson wrote. “Let’s not outsource love and compassion.”

For others, the airport pickup can actually be a source of joy — not just for the person getting the free ride, but for the person doing the scooping. Musician Marti Purull wrote in an essay for Medium that “there is something special about taking the trouble to pick someone up.”

“As a child, whenever my mum would drive to the airport to give a lift to a returning friend, I would love to join her,” he shared. “Back then, airports were palaces of possibility that I knew I would want to explore someday. However, there was something else: it felt incredible to be there for someone, to watch someone arrive and welcome them, listen to their fresh stories from whatever foreign lands they had visited.”

Plus, as Kaitlyn Yarborough penned for Southern Living, it’s also polite to at least offer to grab your guest from the airport. You may be inconvenienced, but if someone is traveling to visit you, it’s also costing them “time and money,” she wrote. For that reason, “it’s disheartening not to receive an offer to be picked up from or dropped off at the airport.”

Is there any compromise?!

I’ll be honest: It’s hard not to feel a little bit like a monster for dreading a drive all the way to the airport, and back. But if guests are already staying in your home, or you’re planning other activities with them while they are in your area, etiquette experts say it’s not evil to want to skip the airport trek. Instead, it’s all about the sentiment behind it.

“No one talks about picking up someone at the airport with joy or anticipation,” Richie Frieman, an etiquette expert, author and host of the Modern Manners Guy podcast, tells Yahoo Life. “You think your loved one is the greatest person alive, but that admiration won't trick your brain into believing air travel pains do not exist.”

Frieman says that if you’re asked by a guest to grab them at the airport (ideally, well in advance, so you can properly plan), it’s important to be transparent about the pain points. “Neither side wants to make it more annoying for the other person, on purpose, so lay out all the realistic expectations so both are on the same page,” he says. Making sure your guest knows where you’ll be located at the airport and when can help avoid at least some of the chaos.

And there are alternatives, even if they do come with a heftier price tag. You don’t have to leave your guests standing on the curb in the cold, searching for their own taxi, for example: Author and etiquette coach Jamila Musayeva tells Yahoo Life that one way to assist guests with their airport experience is to prearrange a private car, taxi or other service that will take them safely to their destination. While it will certainly cost more money than using your own car to grab your guest, it will save you gas — and potential peace of mind.

In doing so, she says, “it is good to let the person know as to why you cannot make it yourself but would love to still care for them and arrange their smooth arrival.”

If you want to go the extra mile (just not the ones to the airport) “sending a small gesture — a card or a warm welcome note with a ride — can make their arrival feel special even if you’re not present,” Musayeva explains.

While the impetus is often put on the person hosting to decide whether or not they wish to pick the person up at the airport (or drop them off after their visit), Jo Hayes, etiquette expert, lifestyle consultant and founder of EtiquetteExpert.Org, says that the guest should also practice good manners, and respect that the person hosting them for the holidays may have their own responsibilities to attend to.

“If your host offers to pick you up, one can graciously accept,” she says. “But be quick to offer them an out, such as, ‘Are you sure? I’m more than happy to get an Uber.’”

The bottom line

No matter where you stand on this airport issue, it’s not actually about whether or not you pick someone up, Musayeva says. Instead, it’s about the “symbolism of the act” — especially around the holidays, when “feelings of togetherness are heightened.” However, for others, “the practicality of avoiding the stress and hassle outweighs the gesture” — which is where I, personally, stand.

“The tension often comes from mismatched expectations — one person sees it as a sign of closeness, while the other sees it as an unnecessary burden,” Musayeva says.

At its core, the debate is less about the act itself and more about what it represents, she explains, which is “love, attention and effort balanced against practicality and personal limits.”

The best way to manage all of this? Having an open, honest conversation with your loved ones about their expectations, your limits and concerns. That will make the holidays happier for everyone, whether you’re Ubering home or calling your cousin to chauffeur.