Having a bad day? Here are 7 ways to make it better.
There are some days when it seems like nothing is going your way. There are also days when all it takes is just one little setback — traffic, a curt email from your boss, the fact that it’s Monday — to throw you off and sour your mood. Bad days happen, and when they do, it’s hard not to wallow in your misery.
Why are our days so easily derailed when something goes wrong? According to psychologist Peggy Loo, director of Manhattan Therapy Collective, many factors can make it difficult to move on from a low moment.
“For some, it represents a tipping point,” Loo tells Yahoo Life. “If you’ve already been stretched thin emotionally and doing your best to weather a lot of stress, an unexpected curveball can truly tax the last of your bandwidth. Sometimes it has to do with the inner narrative or sense of self we were already carrying when a tough moment happens. For example, if we already struggle with jumping to negative conclusions or being really hard on ourselves, it can be easy to assume one bad moment means the day is unsalvageable or to take it personally.”
Therapist Suzette Bray adds that the reactions that once helped humans survive now make it harder to shake off life’s challenges. “Back when we were dodging saber-toothed tigers, detecting threats was essential,” she explains. “Even though the stakes are different now, our brains still react to stressors with the same intensity.” This is “negativity bias,” Bray says. “Our brains are hardwired to cling to negative experiences (like spilling coffee on your laptop) because they’re seen as potential threats, even though we’re not running from predators anymore.”
And while there may have been bright spots in your day alongside the bad (perhaps a co-worker brought in doughnuts for the team, the weather is perfect, etc.), those positive moments just don’t stick in the same way. “Our brains blow up small annoyances, but when good things happen? The brain just shrugs and moves on,” says Bray. “On top of that, there’s ‘cognitive load’ — each little hassle adds weight, and suddenly, the day feels like a disaster,” she continues. “After a few frustrating roadblocks, your brain’s like, ‘Welp, this day’s a loss!’”
But there are ways to reframe those negative thoughts and turn that bad day around. “Once you understand what’s happening, you can work with it,” Bray says. Here’s how.
Focus on the basics
First things first: Calm yourself and attend to those basic needs that will help you get back on track, whether that’s catching your breath, drinking a glass of water or relaxing your body.
“Focusing on calming your body and your mind are my go-to recommendations,” says Loo. “We can’t keep our cool if we’re experiencing the physiological symptoms of stress or our thoughts are racing. Deep breathing, getting something to eat, stretching and finding empathy for ourselves in an annoying situation is an important downshift that can help you regroup and respond from a calmer place.”
Let yourself be upset — for a bit
Moving on from a low moment doesn’t mean you have to pretend that everything is hunky-dory.
“Acknowledging that you’re annoyed is valid,” Loo says. Adds Bray: “Stop trying to ‘push through’ like a hero. Acknowledge the bad day for what it is [and] let yourself feel irritated, frustrated or whatever emotion is bubbling up. ... Just naming an emotion turns down its intensity a bit.”
The idea is to accept what you’re feeling and then focus on what else you can do with your day. If you’re still in a funk, however, you “need to decide if it’s worth the mental energy,” Bray says. “That co-worker’s snarky comment or the surprise bill doesn’t deserve to rent space in your head forever. If you’re ruminating — replaying the frustration over and over — try distracting yourself with something engaging or grounding yourself in the present moment.”
Plus, she adds, “Not every ‘meh’ moment deserves your emotional bandwidth. Ask yourself, ‘Will this matter a week from now? A month from now?’ If the answer is no, it’s probably not worth getting worked up about.”
Try a mindfulness exercise
“Mindfulness pulls you out of the mental storm,” Bray says. A simple exercise she recommends is grounding. “Plant your feet on the floor and press down, focusing on the sensation,” she suggests. “It reconnects you with the present moment, which pulls you away from mentally replaying everything that has gone wrong.”
Plan something fun
You can’t go back in time and change how the day started. You can, however, find ways to salvage what’s left of the day. Maybe it’s ordering your favorite burrito for lunch, treating yourself to a relaxing yoga class after work or canceling your existing plans in favor of scrolling through your stash of silly animal videos while you sit on the couch in your comfiest sweats.
“Instead of declaring the day ruined, ask yourself, ‘What’s still in my control?’” Bray says. “Find one small thing you can improve or, better yet, laugh about. Humor is an antidote to frustration — it breaks the tension.”
Loo agrees. “Plan to do something enjoyable later that you look forward to,” she suggests. “This has two effects: being able to reestablish a healthy sense of control over a different part of your day, and changing your focus to something personally pleasant for you.”
Be kind to yourself
Maybe you took a wrong turn that made you late, felt unprepared in a staff meeting or lost your temper with a loved one. It’s easy to sulk and blame yourself for all your faults, but practicing self-compassion goes a long way.
“How would you talk to a friend who’s having a bad day? You wouldn’t tear them apart, right?” Bray points out. “So why do that to yourself? Give yourself some grace. Nobody has a perfect day, and that’s OK.”
Do something productive
Nobody would blame you for not feeling up to, say, doing laundry or starting on a new work project when you’re still reeling from a setback. So start small. “Clean up your desk, send a quick email you’ve been avoiding or take a walk,” offers Bray. “Sometimes just accomplishing one thing can break the negative spiral.”
Plan for the worst
Some bad days catch us by surprise (you wake up with the flu on the first day of your vacation, the babysitter canceled right before your dinner reservation), and some are pretty easy to predict (you’ve got a long or high-stress work shift planned, your dreaded in-laws are coming for a visit). While things may not turn out to be as terrible as you fear, Loo says it’s a good idea to plan ahead so you have something positive lined up to help you get through it.
“We often plan ahead for worst-case scenarios but forget to cope ahead,” she says. “Brainstorm and put into action steps that promote personal choice or self-care. Planning to meet a friend, ordering takeout instead of cooking [or] clearing out your evening so you have uninterrupted space to decompress are all ways to be proactive when facing a hard day.”
Now that you’ve heard what experts recommend, we want to know: What works for you? We want to hear your best tips for turning a bad day around — whether it’s calling up a friend, ordering an ice-cream sundae or screaming into the void. Please share your best tips here, and they may be used in a future article. Submissions close on Dec. 2.
