Gwyneth Paltrow and her curated lifestyle site Goop may be a constant source of WTF moments but, let’s face it, we’ve all loved scoffing at the brand’s ridiculous and usually extravagant advice.
But the actress has decided that enough is enough. Saying what we’ve all been thinking since Goop began, the 43-year-old has admitted that the brand’s “scalability is limited if I connect to it”.
Speaking at the 2016 Sage Summit in Chicago, she said: “So I always think: “How can I grow the brand? How can I separate myself from the brand?” and I think its going to be more its own brand.
“My dream is that one day no one will remember that I had anything to do with it.”
Here is Gwyneth’s weirdest advice of all time. Enjoy.
Cook your beau some sex bark
Are things still feeling a little stilted after a couple of G & Ts on your latest Tinder date? Time to whip out the sex bark.
Goop published this recipe for a chocolately snack containing something called Moon Pantry Sex Dust, “an aphrodisiac warming potion promoting enjoyable sex and fertility for both men and women”. Tasty.
Ditch the rabbit for this $15,000 vibrator
“Sex toys have long since graduated from the floppy rubber things you hide in your bedside table to beautiful works of interactive art,” said Goop, in a round-up of high-end sex products including this beauty.
We’ll take the floppy rubber, thanks.
Give your vagina a steam clean
Apparently, steam cleaning your foof provides “an energetic release—not just a steam douche—that balances female hormone levels.”
Goop neglected to mention that steaming your vaj can wash away its natural oils and leave you vulnerable to yeast infections. Don’t do it.
Use bee stings to rid yourself of inflammation and scarring
Gwyneth told the New York Times that she’s “open to anything” and that she’s even tried a treatment called apitherapy, where you allow yourself to get stung by live bees. She also admitted it’s painful. Duh.
Fights can be solved with blow jobs
Gwyneth’s mate Chelsea Handler admitted in 2013 that the star once advised a mutual girlfriend to resolve fights with her husband by giving him a blow job.
According to Chelsea, Gwyneth said: “Whatever you’re doing, just do the opposite. Just go at him with love and you give him a blow job.” No thanks.