When to go back to work after a loss, as Coleen Nolan returns to Loose Women

Jess Bacon
·Contributor
·4-min read
Coleen Nolan held back tears as she admitted she had wondered whether it was too soon to return to Loose Women.
Coleen Nolan held back tears as she admitted she had wondered whether it was too soon to return to Loose Women. (ITV)

When you’re grieving someone you love, the last thing you want to think about is work.

In the UK, employees are entitled to bereavement leave if their spouse, parent, child or immediate family member dies, but the amount of time you can have off depends on your employer, which the ACAS helpline can support you with.

There is no set timeline with grief or processing bereavement and while it's likely difficult to comprehend going back to work it can be helpful to return to normality. Structure offers a sense of purpose, another focus and can help with sleep, according to Sue Ryder.

Coleen Nolan questioned whether it was "too soon" to return to Loose Women today (4 February), following the death of her sister, Linda, on January 15. After Linda’s funeral at the weekend, the presenter admitted it was a "hard decision".

"You know it's just hard, because there was a time when I thought do I go back, is it too soon?” She told her co-stars, "and then you have to because life goes on.”

When she reflected on how she was coping with the loss of her sister, Nolan added: "It's difficult to say isn't it? It's so soon, we're all doing great. We have great moments then you absolutely have down moments and they come out of the blue!”

While there is never a right or wrong time to return to work, Emma Vasey at the palliative care and bereavement charity Sue Ryder says there might be indicators that you are ready for this routine again.

Exhausted multiracial couple having problems, crisis, sorrow, pain, tiredness, stress sitting on bed silently thinking. European woman embraces african american man in support, care and attention
Grief has no timeline, but there may be signs that you feel ready to return to work (Getty Images)

Vasey explains: "Like many aspects of grief, knowing when to return to work is a very personal decision and there isn’t one rule for everyone. For some people, they will need time away from work but for others, maintaining their work routines will be what is right for them and the sense of routine can, for some, be helpful when they are grieving."

If you're feeling unsure about whether you're ready for this yet, Vasey recommends to consider taking the following steps to help you figure out the next steps in this difficult time.

"If you feel able to be honest with your employer about how you’re feeling," she says, "Some days will feel harder than others when you’re grieving. Sometimes you’ll know these days are coming, such as the birthday of the person you’re missing, or the anniversary of their death. But at other times, they might take you by surprise."

As each employer has a different bereavement policy, Vasey suggests it might be worth booking in some of your annual leave to "take some time off and spend the day in a way that feels right for you and your grief." This won't be possible for everyone, but it might be help with this transition into the 'new normal.'

Some people will love the structure that going back to a 9 to 5 offers, but this can be more difficult to manage with your feelings of grief as well as all the admin of your loved one's death.

"If you find that you’re having to manage these difficult days alongside your work responsibilities, try to let your manager know.," Vasey continues, "You may be able to discuss flexible working options with them."

"Grief can be exhausting, and starting back in the workplace may be more tiring than you expect," Vasey says. "This is normal, so don’t be surprised if each day feels harder and longer than it did before. When you’re grieving, your mind can often feel foggy or distracted. This can make it difficult for you to focus, and in turn, it can become harder to complete tasks."

In the meantime, discuss with your employer if there's a way to remove some additional stressors at work, whether that's extending project deadlines or delegating some of your regular tasks to a different team member for a few days or weeks.

"Although you might find it hard to accept taking a step back from your responsibilities, remember that this isn’t permanent. Your bereavement and its impact on your life will take time to process and understand, but, over time, you will learn to live and grow around your grief."

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