Gran Canaria: Hidden luxuries and escaping the 'Brits Abroad' crowds

Call me crazy, but the thought of lying on a beach for hours on end with only the blazing sun, the lapping waves of the sea and thousands of Brits drinking cheap beer around me is my idea of hell.

I have always been in that small minority who shudders at very thought of a 'cheap sunshine retreat', getting on a plane and surrounding myself with the same people I was taking my holiday days to escape from always seemed odd to me.

Much to my fiancé’s constant annoyance, each trip away has to be filled with an intoxicating mixture of adventure, exploration and adrenaline, all thanks to my fear of 'Brits Abroad' all-inclusive sunshine deals.

So when I saw the itinerary for our seven-day break to Gran Canaria I was thrilled. The activity list was endless - diving, sailing, kayaking, jet skiing, surfing, paragliding – it looked promising, with not a single hour of "evening entertainment" included.

But the Gods of fate were having none of it, and the day before we were due to jet off, disaster struck and an especially vigorous gym session left me with a slipped disc in my lower back and the holiday plans in tatters.

Swapping our snorkels for sun towels, my excitement levels for the trip had hit an all-time low as I pondered the boredom of a week on a sun lounger, staring at sunburned British skin.

That all changed the second our plane touched down in Gran Canaria.

In all my misery and gloom, what I failed to account for is the utterly decadent side to the island - five-star hotels and being waited on hand and foot - not something one thinks of when they picture Gran Canaria, especially as THE winter sun destination for us Brits.

Having only ever seen the packed-out hotel canteens and cookie-cut rooms of Teletext package deals, I hadn’t even contemplated Egyptian cotton bed sheets and hotel managers who greet you daily by name, or basing your entire day around mealtimes while you shuffle from massage to pedicure and back again.

As soon as we arrived at Hotel Palm Beach in Maspalomas, I was totally sidetracked by a world of spa appointments and all-you-can-eat buffets dinners with the best dessert bar I had ever seen.

Countless hours of being pampered in the poolside spa to lounging in the many saunas, steam rooms and massage pools, I suddenly realised I was becoming one of the future humans on WALL-E, 'Brits Abroad' style. And I loved it.

Shedding Gran Canaria’s ‘cheap and cheerful’ vibe, Hotel Palm Beach is set out in a nature reserve, boasting huge gardens, life-size chess boards, tennis courts and four swimming pools – but without the price tag usually attached to a 5-star retreat any where else in the world. While you wouldn't find it by searching for 'cheapest first' on Expedia, it doesn't break the bank for those extra two or three quality stars.

With direct access to Maspalomas beach (NOT the touristy beach), you don’t need to stray far from the dessert bar to find yourself soaking up the rays amid the nudists and sand dunes. Walk five or so miles down the sandy white dunes and you’ll find yourself amid the rest of the world, surrounded by Irish Pubs and the usual array of tacky holiday resorts.

Hotel Palm Beach is just one of ten hotels that are part of Gran Canaria Wellness, who specialise in thalasso treatments in their array of luxury spas, set as far apart from the package ‘Brits Abroad’ holidays the island is most famous for.

From private Jacuzzis fit for honeymooners at the Lopesan Villa sel Conde Resort & Corallium Thalasso to the strictly no-children A-list hideaway that is the Seaside Grand Hotel Residencia, each resort offers its own unique sell.

Opting to use my spa trips to try and sort my aching back out, I opted for a Thai massage at the Hotel Bohemia Suites & Spa. Within fifty seconds of walking into the room, my masseuse diagnosed my slipped disc and proceeded to painfully try and align me.

Straddling my back as she plummeted her elbow into my vertebrae before pulling my torso up with her arms looped beneath mine, it was a 60-minute torture session – which thankfully worked.

Walking normally for the first time in a week and with the pain totally diminished, I could have cried with happiness.

Next stop was a couple’s mud wrap at Lopesan Villa sel Conde Resort, but not before a private Jacuzzi overlooking the crystal clear ocean with champagne to hand.

After being left alone in the massive Jacuzzi for half an hour (which boasted seven different styles of jets and underwater ‘beds’ – heaven), we were met by two female masseuses and asked to lie side by side on two separate massage tables.

Three rounds of mud-and-massage later and we were both more relaxed than either of us had felt in years, a far cry from how we were used to feeling, post adrenaline-inducing adventures.

Back at Hotel Palm Beach we dressed for the resort’s special bbq night (three times weekly) - donning our best ensembles to fit the strict dress code, something I definitely didn't see coming – before taking our seats outside for their al fresco dining.

Within minutes of sitting we were greeted by the hotel manager, asking whether someone had requested a wheat-free baguette to be baked especially for me yet – something she had asked every night since our arrival.

The service at Hotel Palm Beach is outstanding, from said manager who works morning until night, checking on every guest, to the housemaids who make it their mission to make sure you get your turndown chocolate – it is second to none and almost unheard of in even some of the best hotels in the world.

After polishing off a selection of salads, fish, steak, delicious lean meats and that deadly dessert bar again (we practically rolled back to our room every night), we skipped the evening entertainment (compromises had to be made) and instead took a stroll among the deserted sand dunes on Maspalomas beach.

Listening to the waves crash against the shore and watching the stars above us from the top of a dune that felt like Everest to climb, I never wanted to see another jetski again as I focused on the chocolate waiting upon my Egyptian cotton pillowcase.

www.grancanariawellness.com

Hotel Palm Beach - From £260.00 per room per night (for two people) including buffet breakfast, entrance to the wellness area with sauna, spa and gym, fruits and water in the room on arrival.

Offer: Sheraton Salobre Golf Resort & Spa is offering 2 nights in a Double Deluxe Room including breakfast, a full body massage, Japanese Shiatsu Therapy, a romantic dinner for two for £295.00 per person based on two people sharing. Offer is valid until 31/12/14