The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Dec. 28-Jan. 3)

Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. Although Twitter has rebranded to X, the humor lives on.

Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on the social media platform to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!

6yo, at Mexican restaurant: "I should have ordered the lemonade, they look fun."

— et*ceTera (@notincharge7) January 1, 2025 ">

I'm pretty sure we're on day 115 of winter break with my kids with no end in sight.

— Hollie Harris (@allholls) January 2, 2025 ">

When my 6yo is mad at us, he changes our avatars on the Nintendo Switch. Right now my husband’s name is Poop and I look like I ask to speak to managers.

— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) December 28, 2024 ">

exciting news, everyone! our toddler has learned how to lock the front door from the inside!

— ❄️ mari-lwyd odent ❄️ (@oldenoughtosay) January 2, 2025 ">

I used a “gentle parenting” voice to ask my 4yr old daughter to rephrase her whinny demand into a question that communicates she needs help and she said “Fine. But stop using that nice tone with me” 😂

— Mandalynns23 (@mandalynns23) December 29, 2024 ">

I literally pee every time I sneeze and these ungrateful kids can’t even throw out a “bless you”

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) December 28, 2024 ">

trying to get my kid to sleep on New Year’s Eve when the neighbors down the street are unloading their fireworks howitzer pic.twitter.com/LoGm921JWB

— the thicc husband & father (@lukeisamazing) January 1, 2025 ">

Watching my 4yo chug sparkling white grape juice like he’s a high schooler at a college party.

— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) January 1, 2025 ">

Nobody is more full of shit than a parent who says maybe

— Mr.Carter (@dexteristwisted) December 29, 2024 ">

Nobody:

My kid: The oldest living former president has been dead for 1 day and 4 minutes.

— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) December 30, 2024 ">

*Usher and Lil John singing from the radio*: “Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!”

My 7yo: What’s this song called?

— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) January 2, 2025 ">

Me [lowering ball]: 5…4…3…2…

Child: IT’S 9:30. pic.twitter.com/ejrBYBnn0G

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 31, 2024 ">

have kids so on vacation they can say the store you’re walking into is out of your tax bracket

— nika (@nikalamity) December 29, 2024 ">

The thing that will truly drive me insane is when my kids fight over a toy and I distract one of them with a different toy and then they both start fighting over the new toy.

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) January 2, 2025 ">

Grabbed a rival dad’s Christmas tree off his curb and threw it in my truck with mine to haul off right in front of his wife and kids.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 29, 2024 ">

My kid needs to chill out, too soon pic.twitter.com/VytqMgdAJi

— meghan (@deloisivete) January 2, 2025 ">

Power has been off all day so you can imagine these kids have been a delight.

— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) December 29, 2024 ">

Please don't tell me "Happy Honda Days" when you know my family celebrates A Nissan December to Remember

— Liam Nissan™ (@theliamnissan) December 31, 2024 ">

I know family vacations get a bad rap, but as a dad it’s kinda cool getting to unclog a toilet in a new city.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 29, 2024 ">

Fitness hack: go to the gym anytime your kids are annoying you. Hope this helps.

— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) December 30, 2024 ">

You cant scare me. You’re not the first day back to school after Christmas break.

— your other mom (@difficultpatty) December 30, 2024 ">

Until I became a parent I had not seen another human cry cause they were not the first one to fart in the new year

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) January 1, 2025 ">

8yo's Tamagotchi kept dinging, & when I asked if she should check on it, she said, "It probably needs discipline but I don't feel like getting up. It's ok. If I ignore it long enough, aliens will abduct it and I can just hatch a new egg.”

She'll make an incredible mother one day

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) January 2, 2025 ">

Whose idea were all these damn presents for these children

— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) December 30, 2024 ">

Saw a mom with a baby on her chest and her toddler on her shoulders while her husband walked behind her carrying towels from the beach so I asked him if it was useless dad o’clock.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) January 1, 2025 ">

Asked my daughter what she’d do if a stranger tried to talk to her and she said “punch them into traffic”. Should I be concerned? I’m sure it’s fine…

— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) December 30, 2024 ">

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

— Hunter the Bounty Dog (@huntergraybeal) December 31, 2024 ">

You can’t scare me. You’re not the thought of paying for three kids in college at the same time.

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) December 30, 2024 ">

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