"Some Of My Friends Do Not Even Know My Real Name:" Pathological Liars Are Revealing Their Secrets, And It's Enlightening To Say The Least

Listen — we all lie sometimes. Whether that means a little white lie to avoid hurting someone's feelings or "stretching the truth" to make yourself sound more interesting, it's just a part of being human.

Recently, I came across a thread on Quora where pathological and compulsive liars — aka people who lie frequently and often without a clear reason — revealed secrets about their condition that the average person probably wouldn't know. It was nothing short of eye-opening, so I compiled 14 of the most fascinating stories they shared:

1."I hate lying. I really do. When I was younger, I used to feel ridiculously guilty every time I lied, but now I don't. I wish I had that same conscience, that same brain that screamed at me to never lie. I've built relationships on lies. I've lied to S.O.s a lot. With some, they were things that didn't matter. For others, they were horrible things, like repeatedly cheating and lying about it because I was too afraid to leave. I'm not trying to be a bad person or to hurt others. But the consequences of my poorly thought out actions show differently. That's part of the reason I lie. I fuck up constantly, and I feel that if I lie, I can pretend that I'm just like everyone else."

"The worst part is that my lies are half-truths. This makes things confusing for me and everyone else. When I tell a lie, it is almost always based on the truth. I generally find it hard to conjure a lie out of nothing unless I am really motivated to lie. This means that I constantly get confused in my head as to what is real and what is not. I tend to have a pretty terrible memory when it comes to most events, which doesn't help. If anyone is actually paying attention to me, they can very easily see that I'm lying. I need help to not do it.

I lied to my current boyfriend about a number of things. He's a kind person and he genuinely cares about me, but I still can't stop it. He's caught me now in several lies. The trust between us is basically gone. I want so dearly to tell him everything, to confess to every lie, but I'm afraid he'll leave me. Honestly, he may leave me regardless at this point.

I hate lying, but I can't stop doing it."

—Anonymous, Quora

2."It haunts me every day. My entire life is a lie. I’ve lied to my parents, my significant other, my closest friends, even strangers. I made up everything about my life, and I can’t go back because those lies ARE my life now. Everyone in my life thinks I’m perfect, but I’m the opposite. I lie about my accomplishments the most. People think I’m successful, I’m really not."

"I tell lies about the most pointless things in the world, too. It could be anything from where I went last night to what I ate for breakfast. It doesn’t serve any purpose, and it doesn’t benefit anyone, myself included. Luckily for me, I haven’t hurt anyone with my lies yet, except for maybe disappointing my parents a little bit.

My lies are all about my image. They're just for my own personal ego. I’m trying hard to get rid of this addiction, and I’ve been making some progress. I no longer lie about my grades and I haven’t been addressing any of my previous lies. It still feels like shit, though. I hope I’ll get rid of this habit soon."

—Anonymous, Quora

3."The first lie I told that I can remember was in kindergarten. It was show-and-tell day, and I picked up a toy that wasn't mine to bring. I told the nanny it was mine, though. Then, at home, I told my parents that the teacher rewarded me by gifting me the toy for being a good student. Of course, I got caught, but I don't remember that part. Whatever consequences I faced, I was apathetic to them. As I grew up, lying became second nature to me. It wasn't a conscious behavior — I didn't have an ulterior motive to lie, and I certainly didn't think about the morality of it."

"Most of the time, I didn't have a reason to lie. The majority of them didn't even make me look good. I lied to my mom and told her made-up stuff about people in school so we could gossip. I lied to my friends about classes I never took and hobbies I never had. I told my best friend about a crush I had when I never did. Every semester, I chose a person in my friend group and turned everyone against this person by lying about them. When the next semester came and another person got kicked out of the group because of me, I always invited the former friend I lied about back in the group, telling them it was my new target that lied about them. The worst lies I told were when I said my mom had cancer and that my old best friend died in a car crash while on the phone with me.

I think I told lies just for the sake of telling them or because I was bored — even I can't be sure why. But it got to the point that I didn't even know which lie I told to whom. At one point, even I believed my own lies. I remember walking home from school, thinking about a fight I never had, getting angry, then calling my friend and ranting about it while completely believing it myself. I got emotionally involved in my own lies and stopped caring about remembering all of them. I couldn't tell the lies apart from the reality.

Eventually, I lost everyone. I was finally all alone, completely on my own, and I didn't like it. So, I decided to try my best to change, to stop lying when it wouldn't gain me anything. And it worked. I slowly fixed my relationships with people. Every now and then, I still almost lie and make up a story. But unlike before, now I consciously stop myself."

—Anonymous, Quora

4."I'm a compulsive liar. I have been for as long as I can remember, and I don't know why. I have the impulse to lie. It's always there, seeping into every conversation I have. It's like craving ice cream. You want to eat it. You think about it a lot. You know it is not good for you really, but you still do it because it feels good. It is the same with lying as a compulsive liar. You want to lie. Really want to, and a part of you knows it's not okay, but you do it guiltlessly, and the urge is satisfied for a few moments."

"I lie so much that I can't keep track of it all, so I detach myself from friends and get new ones — a fresh slate. And when I can't keep track of the lies I told to those friends, I get some more.

I am constantly spinning tales in my head. When I am in a conversation, I will think of lies to tell—little stories to match theirs, to make myself interesting. I will not say them, but they are there — forever and always there.

I don't talk about certain things with people anymore because some topics are full of lies. I don't talk about them, ever, because I told eight different lies to twenty different people, and I don't remember half of them.

It is like walking on a landmine. Right now, I am in recovery. I have not lied for quite a while, and I have told and apologized to a fair chunk of friends and acquaintances. But I still do not talk to them much anymore."

—Ashlynn, Quora

5."I am a pathological liar. I know I am a pathological liar. I acknowledge my problem. I don't know of anyone who lies as much as I do. There are usually four reasons why I lie: I gain professionally or personally from the lie, it makes me look good, it improves my social image, or it's a sob story to get attention and sympathy. The lie makes for a nice casual tidbit to drop into conversation. It just makes it interesting, and it's immensely satisfying when no one catches me out on my lies. These are the kinds of casual lies that I drop just to test myself out, to check if I've still 'got it.'"

"I'm 22 and have a long life ahead of me. I can already see this potentially destroying my life, both professionally and personally. I am very remorseful about every time I have lied. I am also 100% sure I am not going to stop without intervention. Here's the thing: I am addicted to lying. I can control almost anything else: I can smoke for a week continuously and then quit without feeling any need to pick up a cigarette again. I know exactly when to stop drinking. But I can't stop lying. If you met me on the street, you would believe every word I said. I say it sincerely, and I say it with a straight face. For those few minutes, I believe the lie, I live the lie, the lie becomes a part of me. I will never part with that narrative, no matter how much you corner me. I WILL stick to my guns.

There are two reasons why I believe I am this way. 1) I am almost certainly narcissistic. I feel like I should be the most important person in any room. Why would anyone want to focus on anyone/anything else? I am, after all, the most intelligent, insightful person in the room. Look at me go, telling you stories that suck you in. How could anyone else match? 2) I am immensely insecure. I feel like if people don't always see how good or intelligent I am, they will stop valuing me. They won't care. I'd be abandoned, left with no one. My friends and parents only pretend to care about me because of the image I outwardly project, one of confidence and amazing abilities. Why would anyone care for an average Joe? The guy who is lost in the crowd of people with mediocre lives has no social standing."

—Anonymous, Quora

6."It feels like your whole life is a lie. Like you are a fraud, like you have cheated your way through life, and you do not deserve to be in the position that you are in today. At times, I do not even think about the lying and believe in some of the lies myself. And sometimes, I think about everything I’ve done and feel like I don’t deserve to live. The thought that someone will find out haunts me every day. My friends would all think that I am some psychopath and leave me. My family will never be able to look at me again. I have lied about everything. Exactly everything. Some of my friends do not even know my real name."

"My background story is all bullshit. And yet, no one has ever caught me. People have been close to discovering one lie or two, but I have always covered it up with another lie and made everything seem normal. The lying and the manipulating are compulsive. I don’t think I’ve ever felt bad doing it. I only feel bad when thinking of the consequences when somebody finds out. You might think that I am a sociopath, but I’m not. I care about my friends and family and would never want anything to happen to them. It’s just that I cannot stop. It’s like an addiction. The only difference between pathological lying and addictions is that you lie unintentionally.

Many people envy me and look up to me. They think that I am perfect, only because I’ve made them believe so. I’ve ruined people’s lives without them knowing it. At one point, I made a friend lose almost all of her friends just because I didn’t like her and I thought that she was a really bad person. Not soon after, I realized that everything she’d done was not even close to all the disgusting things I had done. Still, she likes me and enjoys talking to me. She has no idea.

In conclusion, it sucks. And please continue being honest while you can."

—Anonymous, Quora

7."My parents were young and irresponsible. They had indebted themselves by taking out too much credit and spending lavishly. When I was 12, we were evicted from our home. My mother, who is a compulsive liar as well, kept the foreclosure a secret until the day the police arrived to physically remove our furniture. Even my dad was caught by surprise. It was total mayhem. Each family member handled it differently. I was the oldest of my siblings and handled it the best way I knew how: I refused to face reality. I told my friends that my parents had to move because of a family member. I suppose I lied because of my pride. That one lie, however, set off a tidal wave of lies that lasted until I graduated high school."

"The house we moved to was far away from all my friends. I refused to accept my solitude. I convinced my friends at school that I had other friends and was going out. I would read a lot on the internet and come up with elaborate stories of how I was drinking and partying. I didn't have a single close friend, but everyone believed that I was living wild. I lied and said I wasn't a virgin. That I had done cocaine. In reality, I stayed home every night and played a lot of Sims.

Then I went to college. I had a fresh slate. I could be myself again. I wasn't ashamed of anything, and I had no lies to keep track of. Now I am going into my senior year of college. I have many real friends, an excellent career, and my life is really my own. I never lie.

I don't even know if I was a compulsive liar, or if I just used my lies as a coping mechanism. I really can't make heads or tails of it all. But it's really quite a lonely thing, to have so many lies over your head. I was very insecure, and words were my security. I regret it, though, because high school is supposed to be the best time of your life. And I was such a lost, lonely soul."

—Anonymous, Quora

8."It’s kinda sad, honestly. You know nobody knows who you really are, and you know the picture they have of you isn’t really you. But you can’t blame it on anyone but yourself. I don’t lie about anything that important, and I don’t lie to intentionally hurt people, so I don’t really feel that kind of guilt that some describe. Sometimes, though, I wish I could just delete every lie I ever told from everyone’s brains, because I’m in so deep now, it’s a lot of effort to keep up at times."

"Sometimes when I meet a new person that has no connections to any of my friends, I think, 'this is a great opportunity to start off completely honest and without any bullshit.' But that doesn’t work for too long. It’s almost like I've told a certain lie so many times that I believe it for a second, too, so I tell it like a fact, and then I can’t take it back. It just goes downhill from there. I think I feel like I’m just too boring without the little lies that I tell, so even though I wish I could take them back most of the time, I just keep telling them."

—Anonymous, Quora

9."I just want to be able to start my life over again. Forget the lies, make everyone else forget it all, too. Just start over, and be honest. Lying is second nature to me. I just want to make myself seem like a better person than I am. I’m sensitive and I hate when people dislike me, so I lie to them. Then comes the guilt, and the overwhelming desire to come clean. But I know I can’t tell them the truth, because I’ll automatically lie to cover up the truth again. I feel like I’m not in control. I feel like I should be responsible for my actions, but I just can’t help it."

"I push people away because I don’t want to hurt them, but my lies have already drawn them in, and the more I push them away, the more they come back to me. I can’t imagine a future for myself. I still dream the dreams most teenage girls do. I still want to one day have a family, but I know I can’t do that. I refuse to lie to my future partner and my future kids. I know I couldn’t help but lie if I did have a family.

Despite what people think, I care about my friends. I love them. I lie so they don’t find out the truth, which would hurt them. I tell myself that coming clean would hurt them less, but then I tell myself I’m already in too deep."

–Alex A., Quora

10."Compulsive liar with Borderline Personality Disorder here. I started lying in primary school. I’m not sure the exact point at which I really started, but I know it was really bad by third grade. I started really noticing it was a problem around fifth/sixth grade. My friends started to notice my lying and no longer trusted me, and even when I was telling the truth about myself, they wouldn’t believe it. It really crushed me when I was at low points, and no one would believe me or comfort me. I tried to stop lying, but I just couldn’t. Being a compulsive liar is terrible. It can definitely be rewarding before people notice, but when all your friends leave you, it’s no longer fun and games."

—Anonymous, Quora

11."I feel nothing but remorse, helplessness, and regret when I lie. Pathological lying is like a disease, a poison lurking in the back of my mind. I lie more than I tell the truth. It is simply a habit that I formed. It's an impulse. It is to the point where I have multiple versions of myself. Each person I meet gets a 'new me,' and I mold my new personality to fit them and adhere to what they want in a person."

"I have the 'family me,' who is nice and upstanding. I have the 'casual me,' who is rather humorous and has a large circle of friends, all of who get their own sub-copy of me. There is also my 'strangers me,' who is a complete recluse who avoids contact with unnecessary people. Finally, I have my 'alone me,' who really has no personality at all. They all keep each other secret, and use lies to further gain influence over those around them. Each of these copies acts entirely differently, and I even believe they experience sensations differently. I truly see them as different people, even though I know they are simply fragments of my own person."

All of this was caused by a stupid habit I picked up years ago and couldn't stop. I strongly regret my life choices and what led me to be this way. So yes, while it is different for everyone, please remember that not all of us are doing this for the sake of lying."

—Anonymous, Quora

12."It's destabilizing. It feels like the only thing I truly am at my core is a performer, an actor, or a writer. On one hand, I love the freedom that comes from lying. I get to do whatever I want. But on the other hand, it is frustrating to feel disconnected from everything, including myself. At this point, I feel like I’m trying to convince that it's fun. It’s a strange paradox."

—Spencer, Quora

13."It feels like I'm being weighed down. Like I don’t have any other choice but to lie because the truth isn’t what others want to hear. The truth is wrong and stupid. It’s like I don’t want to lie, but I do it anyway. And it’s about the dumbest, simplest things. Reality and make-believe are not very different in my mind. I want one thing, so that's what I tell people is true when it’s not. Something completely different could happen, but it’s not interesting, so I make it interesting. I want to catch the attention of people, but I know they’d never be interested in simply me, so I have to make up stories."

"I feel like I have to tell lies so people like me, or so I won’t get in trouble, or so I feel like I'm living up to everyone’s expectations. And no matter how hard I try to stop and tell the truth…I can’t because I'm so caught up in my fantasies that the truth doesn’t matter anymore. Everyone loves the made-up me, so why not let them believe the lies forever?

It’s so easy to lie when it’s compulsive. It’s like… you don’t even have to really stop and think up a lie. It just comes naturally. I'll sit there and argue about something for an endless amount of time, but then once I'm caught in the lie, I come up with a different argument for the same exact topic. And it sucks. It really sucks. It destroys friendships and breaks up families. Lies cause you to lose the trust of your loved ones, and no matter how hard you try to regain those relationships, they always fall back to square one. No one likes a liar, no matter how interesting their stories are."

—Alena, Quora

14.Lastly, "It's confusing. I grew up with a mother who was emotionally and psychologically abusive, controlling, and utterly irrational. I learned how to lie effectively at a very young age, fuelled partially by my alertness to other people's emotions due to my mother. I would never know what would set her off, but I learned to associate the truth with being heavily punished, so I avoided it at all costs. I would hide food, fabricate tales of how my day went, and would go to great lengths to create a convincing lie that she would buy. It must have partially been down to a lack of control over my life because she was so tightly controlling, so having the ability to convince her of a completely different reality was invigorating. Even when I was punished when she found out about my lies, I still carried on. It was better than honesty."

"I felt isolated and terrified at home, so while at school, I would make up whole weekends or holidays or hilarious anecdotes to impress my peers from about the age of 7. The truth was embarrassing, so nobody knew about it. My mother was a good enough actor to convince everyone around her that she was a perfectly sane, cool-headed maternal figure. It was probably through this that I gained some of my acting ability. The double life that I effectively led tortured me because I felt I could tell nobody, so the lying became more effective as the years went by. It was less and less a choice and more of a reflex.

When I was 14, I would come into school crying, and my friends would comfort me, but they didn't have any sort of real insight into my reality. I continued to lie to them about the most insignificant things and felt powerful in the knowledge that I had fooled someone. I had no real control over what I lied about — they just came out of my mouth. Most of the time it was over such stupid things that I would be incredibly confused with myself. I didn't like that I did it.

The point that I really wanted to stop was when I began going out with my first real, long-term boyfriend. He knew about my mother from the start, and when I found myself lying to him, I would be disgusted with myself. Eventually, after several months with him, I told him about my compulsive, out-of-control lying. He offered very little sympathy and was hugely disappointed that I could do something so untrustworthy on a daily basis. I wanted to stop, and I have been trying ever since.

I still lie to my mother because she is still who she was when I was a child. I can still lie effectively and have to actively stop myself. Having friends who accept me for who I am without having to lie to them was enlightening, and it has almost eradicated my compulsive lying. I still have a tiny part of me that is proud of being able to trick people, but it's going away. Slowly but surely."

—Anonymous, Quora

Entries have been edited for length and/or clarity.