People Are Sharing How They Made Friends As An Adult, And I'm SO. FRICKEN. EXCITED. To Try Out Their Methods
A few weeks ago, I asked the BuzzFeed Community for your best advice on making friends as an adult. Your responses were just so wonderful.
I loved reading them. They gave me that excited feeling like it's the start of a new school year, and there are so many new people to meet, and it's scary and fun all at the same time.
Also, a lot of people wrote in with their struggles to make friends as an adult, and I so appreciate all of you who shared your stories with me, as well.
It seems like a lot of us are in this adult-friend-making-quest-boat. So even when it feels like we're alone in this experience, we're not.
Since making friends as an adult appears to be a more universal challenge than it might initially seem, I'm super excited to share the following 10 tips and tricks from the BuzzFeed Community with all of you. So...let's get into it!
1.Volunteering
"Volunteer somewhere. If you care about animals, volunteer to clean cages at your local animal shelter. You'll meet people with the same interests, and you can talk about what's going on at the organization until you're more comfortable with deeper conversations."
—Anonymous, 44, Chicago
"I volunteered on a political campaign (where I also met my future husband). There’s usually a wide age range with a heavy concentration in young to young-ish adults, and most are genuinely intriguing."
"You already know you have at least one important thing in common, and you get plenty of chances to interact (and watch others interact) with everyone.
I can virtually guarantee you’ll find at least a few people you vibe with."
"I made new friends by volunteering at my local humane society, walking dogs. At first, we would talk about the dogs, but then we started getting together for coffee once a month and talking about our lives."
"I've watched their dogs, and they have watched mine. It worked because I met people equally passionate about a cause."
—Anonymous
Speaking of pups, many others cited similar success in meeting human buddies through their canine cuties, which brings us to recommendation #2...
2.Dogs
"I got a dog! The amount of people you meet on walks and in dog parks is fantastic; I got a few solid friendships this way! Some of them even lasted through a few years of me working abroad (obviously, the pup had to join me), and guess what? I made some more friends there, too :)"
"I moved to a new city without knowing anyone and made all my friends at the local dog park. It helps to have a routine where you start seeing familiar faces."
"I started to find common interests through conversations, plans were made, and then friendships were formed!
The general theme here is to go somewhere with some common interest (we all love dogs). Since you already know you have something in common, you're off to a great start!"
—Katie, 30, Austin
"I recently moved back to my hometown after living in 'the big city' for a few years. There are fewer people my age, but I’ve found success in making multi-generational buddies with neighbors while walking my dogs around the neighborhood."
"Also, going to the gym and being open to new connections works well! I’d say being open to new types of friends and branching out is a key way to make new friends as an adult."
—Anonymous
3.Clubs, Classes, Conventions, and Specific Interest Groups
"I'm autistic, and I met up with a friend for Comic Con. He brought his friends along and forgot to tell me. By the end of the day, they decided they liked me, and I'm friends with all of them to this day. Most of us meet up for Comic Con every year, and one of them is now my girlfriend."
—Kelsey, 31, Kentucky
"I joined a local community theater. It's a perfect atmosphere to make friends — you're in rehearsal multiple days a week for a couple of months, working together to produce a good show. The tech-week-late-nights, shared dressing room mirrors, and the emotional high of performing are conducive to social bonding."
"And if you're not a performer, that's ok — stage management, costumes, props, set construction, set painting, sound and lighting design, and run crew are all options to get involved!"
—Anonymous
"I have made friends through my passions, from open mic nights that ended in a drink with a new friend to volunteer days that paired me with the perfect person. I don’t recommend going into it expecting a friend; go in happily and ready for fun, and trust me, you will find your people."
—Samira, 55, CA
"I joined a craft guild. I volunteered at our events and participated in workshops."
"But you can't just join and expect to make friends; you have to actively participate, chat with people, and be interested in what is going on. If people are going for drinks/food/coffee/ice cream afterward, go! I have a lot of social anxiety, and I push myself to go to get to know people better."
—Anonymous, 40, Canada
"I have started going to ballroom dance classes and social dances in my area."
"I am having fun and have made an entire circle of new friends."
—Anonymous
4.Sports and Athletic Leagues
"I definitely recommend joining sports leagues. You meet so many people, and it's a nice way to meet people that’s active and doesn't fully revolve around drinking.
Not an athlete? Try something low stakes like kickball or pickleball."
—Emily, 36, NYC
"I started sea-swimming with a local 'mermaid' group. It's an incredible bonding experience, and we've shared all sorts, supported each other through successes and tragedies, etc."
I especially loved this response from someone who joined a sports league and hated it but still made friends:
"I was super lonely living in a new city. I went to a running club (I hate running), hoping to meet some people my age. I met some women there, and we were all united because we didn’t like running, but we had all gone for the purpose of meeting new people."
"After that, we went for breakfast together after the run and have been friends since (three years)."
—Anonymous, 26
5.Religious Institutions
"I got involved in my church and joined groups of similarly aged people with shared interests and goals. I discovered that the difficulties of finding new friends are shared in these times, and it helped ease some feelings of helplessness I would sometimes get when trying to meet new people."
—Jeff 40, Ohio
"My husband and I moved from New York to Wisconsin at age 63 after living in a small town for 40 years. The first thing we did in our new location was find a church, and the second was to subscribe to the symphony's orchestra season."
"In these two places, we found like-minded people, and we would strike up conversations with everyone we encountered. This has resulted in friendships beyond the church and concert hall and has played out in lunch/dinner dates, hikes, book clubs, etc."
—Barbara, 75, Wisconsin
6.Work (I want to call this The Colleague to Buddy Pipeline)
"I recommend making friends at work; it makes my time much more enjoyable."
—Christina, 26, Wildomar, CA
"I like to select a few coworkers to remain friends with. There is a commonality if we do the same type of work for 40 hours a week. I've stayed friends with coworkers for ten years and more."
"Sometimes, life gets busy, but we find time to reconnect with each other. I don't recommend coworkers you don't vibe with. Don't force it since friendships should happen organically."
—Anonymous, 36, Minneapolis, MN
"At age 32, I moved to a new community far from home and did not know anyone. One of my coworkers was around my age and (after a few months) invited me to a potluck with her other friends. I guess I was acceptable because I just became part of the group!"
—Anonymous, 40, Canada
7.Parenting
"I met one of my best friends online in a forum for pregnant woman. We bonded in the discussion posts and decided to text outside the forum. We didn’t meet in person for 5 years, but last year, she was my best bridesmaid at my wedding, and we try to plan a trip to see each other once a year but talk every day regardless."
"I started a local group for working moms on MSN groups. Our ‘kids’ are now in their 20’s, and we are still close."
8.Friendship-Making Apps (but I'm also including the responses that described not finding these to be successful friendship-making-mechanisms)
"Do Time Left, an app where you go to dinner with five strangers around your age...Meetup.com also has loads of groups for adults to meet people."
"In terms of what DIDN'T work, I tried the penpal app, Slowly. I love the idea of it, but it was full of people trying to scam information out of you or people treating it as a dating app (which my dumbass wouldn't realize until like four letters in)."
"I did write back and forth with one or two decent people, but I was also uncomfortable with how many permissions the app required on my phone, so I ultimately deleted it."
"I tried Slowly but quit soon after. I still use Bottled, although many of my friends from there have migrated to different apps..."
"But yeah, the amount of times you have to say, 'This is not Tinder,' is annoying."
9.Meeting Friends Through Other People, Be It Family Members, Significant Others, or Other Friends
"One of my best friends is a friend I met through my sister. They met when my sister moved into a house with other strangers. Our friendship blossomed from there and she is like a third sister now.
I also made three best friends through my boyfriend. He is close to his childhood friends, and through him, I met their spouses. We are now four best friends who do everything together! The guys do an annual guy trip, and so do we!
We are die-hard best friends even after one of them got divorced."
—C, 30, Vancouver, WA
"I struggle with making friends as an adult. One of the best ways I've found is to become friends with friends' significant others. Obviously, be respectful of the relationship and make sure your friend is comfortable with it. Still, all my friends are in committed relationships, so we usually hang out as a group anyway (with me as the 9th wheel). I regularly get tickets to sit in the audience at talk shows in New York or to movie premieres, and I make a point to invite one of the people I'm not as close with, like a friend's significant other. It's worked pretty well, and I now consider my friends' significant others my friends, too."
"I also casually mention things that I want to do to see if anyone sounds interested. At my last job, I was walking to my car with two of the secretaries and mentioned wanting to check out a local restaurant that had $4 margaritas on Thursdays. They were both keen to check it out with me. One lady only went the one time, but the other one and I went for margaritas every Thursday after work until she moved away a year later."
10.See Strangers As Potential Friends (and it never hurts to lead with a compliment!)
"I work in a grocery store and randomly told a customer I loved her purse. We ended up talking for like an hour about our mutual love for horror. We haven’t had a chance to hang out but we exchanged numbers and text all the time! We’re horror besties now planning to hang out once our schedules clear up."
"Last year, a friend set me up for a tattoo appointment with one of her old coworkers. We connected right away! I loved her vibe and energy. I ended up getting five more tattoos within the year and decided one day to ask if I could treat her out to lunch for her birthday after one of my sessions."
"She agreed, and now we have coffee every other week! It’s crazy how it worked out. I didn’t know how much I needed her in my life until now."
There you have it! Ten crowdsourced ideas for how to make friends as an adult.
^ Me to myself, after I start employing the BuzzFeed Community's friend-making-methods
Is there anything I missed? Do you have another method for making friends as an adult you didn't see on this list? Let me know in the comments or by filling out this Google Form if you wish to remain anonymous. Your responses could get featured in a BuzzFeed Community post!
