‘My friend is suddenly wealthy and, while I’m pleased for her, it’s causing awkwardness. How can I handle this?’
Q ‘Some really good friends of ours are suddenly wealthy after inheriting money and there’s now a big gap between us when it comes to socialising and holidaying together. How can I handle it without seeming bitter or jealous?’
A This is a tricky one! While I’m sure a part of you is glad for them, it’s hard not to envious when friends can afford to live in luxury, while we’re still having to scrimp and save. "Many people unconsciously tie their self-worth to money and hold negative beliefs about money, wealth, and rich people - these can sabotage their prosperity and friendships," says Alisoun Mackenzie, life coach and author of The Meaningful Life Guide. "If this resonates with you, shifting into a positive money mindset and thinking of wealth in broader terms - like emotional support, time, connection, or health—can help you maintain friendships through changing financial situations."
Although it’s easy to think in binary terms – their life is easy because they have money, ours is harder because we don’t – it’s often more complex than that. It’s also worth remembering that these friends have not won the lottery – if their wealth has come from an inheritance, they’ve presumably lost a family member. So while they’re lucky in some ways, they may in fact consider you luckier.
"Instead of focusing on the wealth gap, see these changing circumstances as a chance to deepen your friendship and explore together how you’d like your friendship to evolve," says Alisoun. "Be mindful that your friends might feel conflicted, dealing with feelings of guilt or discomfort about their new financial privilege. They could be scared of losing you as a friend and unsure how to navigate this too. Honest conversations about money can be uncomfortable, but they’re essential in preserving friendships when financial dynamics shift. First focus on what you enjoy in the friendship and your desired outcomes for the future. Then share how you feel, listen to each other’s perspectives and find ways to move forward you’re both happy with."
In practical terms, agreeing some ground rules could make things less awkward when you next do something together. "It generally makes sense to agree a budget in advance, whether this is for a single meal out or especially if it’s a week or two away," says Holly Mackay, founder and CEO of Boring Money. "This can be done in quite a low-key way by saying you’re on a budget and suggesting a daily amount to stick to. Once you’ve agreed the daily budget, you can suggest people actually withdraw the money from a bank and put it into a kitty, with the understanding that this has to last the whole holiday. If you’re more digital, banks such as Monzo have really easy bill-splitting functions that make this super simple to do on your phone. Otherwise, Splitwise is a popular app that can help with this."
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