Five reasons why we hope 'Brienna' is really happening
You patiently sat out his marriage to Jennifer Aniston, then continued to bide your time during the Brangelina years. Now, just when you were preparing to make your move on Brad Pitt, Sienna Miller comes out of left field and performs a hostile takeover. Or has she? We're not yet sure if 'Brienna' is really happening (sorry - if we don't call it that, someone else will) but let's just say they've been spotted "looking very cosy" together at Glastonbury. This, of course, is code for an unconfirmed, possibly-not-actually-happening-at-all romance.
They were also reportedly spotted heading "arm in arm to their private Winnebego." Well. If that's not official confirmation that Something Is Afoot, we don't know what is. But despite our heartbreak that Brad may once again be out of reach (just), we're going to celebrate this one like it's definitely true. Here's why we hope Brienna is a thing:
1. They'd be a style match made in heaven
Sienna's evolved through the boho chic phase to the red carpet glamour phase, and now seems to be coming full circle. Before he descended into a post-Angelina spiral of ruin (more of which later), Brad had a good run at the Hollywood heartthrob-meets-rock star aesthetic. Bringing these sartorial tour-de-forces together would be like pairing a bottle of Puligny-Montrachet with a platter of gravadlax, scattered with edible gold leaf. Or at the very least, it would create some very clickable pictures.
2. We do want Brad to be happy. Yes, really
Unless you're the kind of person who can watch Brad in Troy and feel no desire to head to a private Winnebego with him, you will have found those pictures of him looking all gaunt and sad a few months back terribly upsetting. How are the mighty fallen, you sighed. How can anyone who once had a bit part in Friends have sunk so low? Rise again, Brad, we say. Be free, Brienna. (Repeat this ad infinitum and you'll purge yourself of the desire to yell, 'If I can't have you, no-one can!')
3. Never mind them - we need cheering up
Times are tough and we've been a little short on good news lately. Few things are more cheering than speculating about the love lives of people we've never met. No longer can we fritter away our days wondering whom George Clooney or Prince Harry might hook up with. It's time for Brienna to step up to the plate. If not them, then who?
4. It could be the Special Relationship Britain needs
Theresa May's efforts to keep the old Transatlantic comradery alive and well with Donald Trump have proved strangely unpopular over here. It's time for some soft power trade talks: United States, we will let your finest specimen of American manhood form a strategic alliance with our very own star of such celebrated movies as the 2004Alfie remake and that one where she played the Andy Warhol muse. In return, we want you to stop mispronouncing 'tomato' and let us keep the Obamas over here for a while.
5. Brelle doesn't have the same ring to it
Did we mention the awkward fact that Elle Macpherson has also been accused of "cosying up" to Mr Pitt of late? The Australian supermodel was apparently seen "touching his arm a lot and flicking her hair over her shoulder." Touching his arm means nothing, but the hair-flicking, right? No-one flicks their hair over their shoulder in front of someone they're not dating. It just wouldn't happen. We invite Brad, Elle and Sienna to write in and explain just what is going on here.
