How to fall back in love with Valentine’s Day (and why you really should)
The history of Valentine’s Day has long been disputed – some believe it stems from a raucous wine-filled Roman festival while others claim it began as a Christian holiday – but no matter the origin, many can agree on one thing: this annual celebration of love has evolved into a cheesy celebration, complete with heart-shaped balloons, overpriced candle-lit dinners and shmaltzy cards.
Indeed, February 14th has gained a bad reputation, now known for loading pressure onto couples, excluding singles and costing a fortune.
But it needn’t be this way. A more creative approach – and a less cynical outlook – can revive the day as a reminder to show loved ones we care (even in the form of red roses and chocolates). As psychotherapist and relationship expert Kamalyn Kaur puts it, simply having a good time can help your wellbeing, by boosting serotonin and endorphins.
And remember, the celebration isn’t exclusively for couples, either: in Finland, 14th February is also reserved for Ystävänpäivä (Friendship Day) while Galentine’s Day is also gaining momentum in the UK and further afield.
Besides, this positive approach could help in more ways than one – who doesn’t need all the distraction they can get from the barren depths of winter?
So, why not rid February 14th of its tired stereotypes and turn it back into a special occasion? In doing so, we can truly celebrate love in all its forms.
Wondering where to begin? Read on to find out what the experts suggest…
Make it bespoke
There are too many expectations around Valentine’s Day, especially when you see what other people are doing on social media, says Kamalyn Kaur.
“When it comes to the day itself, it can feel like an anticlimax,” she says. “If you’re in a couple, talk to each other in advance about how you want to spend the day. Not everybody wants to get dressed up to go to a restaurant where there are 50 other couples. What’s romantic about that?
“Do something that’s specific to your relationship: watch a video montage of your holidays, write personal love notes complete with inside jokes, or even cook the same meal that you had on your first date.”
Ditch the red roses
Donna Willingham, owner of The Country Garden Florist, suggests straying from the traditional red roses. She says: “There are still people who want to buy red roses on Valentine’s Day, but I try to coax them in a different direction. Roses are super-expensive, and it’s also more sustainable to buy British-grown flowers.
“I recommend a florist’s choice bouquet, because then we can choose the best-quality flowers at the best price and make the bouquet as big as possible. I include spring flowers such as scented narcissi, tulips, hyacinths, fluffy mimosa – all the beautiful flowers that I think most people prefer to a red rose.”
Upgrade your groceries
For Debora Robertson, food writer at Lickedspoon and author of Notes From A Small Kitchen Island, the secret ingredient to a successful Valentine’s dinner is sticking to what you know – but upping the quality.
“Life’s too short to cook something elaborate with 24 ingredients – after all, nothing says ‘I love you’ like being a hot mess!” she says. “I live in the southwest of France, so we will almost certainly eat oysters on Valentine’s Day. Usually, I do them with red wine vinegar and chopped shallots, but I might try more of a Thai flavour, with lime juice, chilli and coriander, just to be fancy!
“Then maybe I’ll bake a whole fish, which doesn’t take too much work. And I’ll buy a slightly better bottle of wine than usual. I’ll use the kinds of ingredients we eat every day but up the quality – that’s the real treat.”
Throw together a picnic
And if you don’t want to cook? “Why not make an amazing picnic?” Debora suggests. “Get some lovely salami, cheese, crackers, pâté, fruit, and really good bread. I generally don’t like massive grazing boards – the lack of hygiene! – but if it’s just for you and your beloved, that’s so romantic.”
Romance yourself
As for single people, Daisy Buchanan, author ofLimelight (a story of sisterhood, sexuality and self-esteem) suggests treating yourself: “If you’re single and wish there was someone who could surprise you with flowers or chocolates, buy those things for yourself,” she says. “And if you have similarly minded friends, why not get little gifts for each other, like a Valentine’s version of Secret Santa?”
Host a rom-com book club
Inspired by interviewing authors about their reading habits for her podcast ‘You’re Booked’, Daisy now hosts friends at home on Valentine’s Day, where she holds a mini book club.
“I’d pick a well-known love story like Pride and Prejudice or Bridget Jones’s Diary, or a non-romantic love story like Lauren Bravo’s Preloved, which is all about friendship, community and connection,” she adds.
Celebrate your friends
Kamalyn agrees that Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to nurture friendships. “We navigate different journeys through our friendships,” she says. “We're single, then we're not single, then we might have children, there are job commitments, family commitments. Your friendships have survived these massive milestones so it's really important to mark them.
“Valentine’s Day is a great excuse to get together. It’ll help your wellbeing, too: you get a boost of serotonin and endorphins when you've had a really good time with friends.”
Embrace the cheesiness
But you’ll never be able to avoid the Valentine’s Schmaltz altogether – you’re bound to walk past queues at flower stalls or hear ballads on the radio. So, why not simply lean into it?
“Since Valentine’s Day is cheesy, embrace that and have people over for a fondue!” suggests Daisy. “Or get your friends to bring along all those heart-shaped desserts and chocolate boxes that are in the shops right now and throw a pudding party.”
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