Prostate cancer treatment was awful but it still beats the alternative

Errol McKellar, 67, is a retired garage repair shop owner from Essex who now runs a prostate cancer charity. He lives with Sharon, 59 – his wife of 28 years – and the couple have five children. Here, Errol explains how his diagnosis changed his life…

No one knows how they will react to the news they have a life-threatening illness. But when a doctor told me, "Your prostate is covered in cancer" my reaction was to stand up, turn around and walk out of the hospital.

Heading straight to my car, I sat inside and started crying. All I could think was, "I’m going to die – what about my wife? My children? My grandchildren? There’s nothing I can do." I was devastated.

Seconds later, my wife Sharon followed me and joined me in the passenger seat. Looking me straight in the eye she said, "In all the years I’ve known you, you’ve never quit." It was a moment I’ll never forget. I stopped crying, took a deep breath and said, "Let’s go back in and see what we can do about this."

Until my diagnosis in 2010 at the age of 53, I had been a very fit, healthy man. In my early years, I played a lot of football and had even had trials at Brentford to be a professional. I went into coaching and trained some young lads who had more success – David Beckham, Sol Campbell and Ashley Cole to name three.

Alongside the coaching, I trained as a mechanic and for 10 years had a job working on cars for TV programmes, commercials and films, including James Bond’s Aston Martin. I had my first daughter at 18 and married my first wife at 21. Life was good.

A life-changing test

My first marriage broke up in my early thirties, but life went on. I opened my own garage in East London and had my second daughter. Then, a couple of years later, I met Sharon. Until the age of 53, I had never even been to the GP.

But one day, Sharon said my snoring was getting so loud that she wanted me to see my doctor about it. She booked me an appointment and it was while sitting in the waiting room that I spotted two leaflets aimed at black men, like me. It mentioned something called a PSA test – a simple blood test that can detect if prostate cancer might be present.

It was a moment that changed my life. I asked the receptionist if I could book a PSA test and she said I didn’t need to book, I could have it right now. I had no idea that those 10 minutes would change my life.

A week later, the doctor asked me to come in for another PSA test. He said it was purely routine, so I didn’t worry. But the following week they tried to contact me many times to come in for a biopsy and – stupidly – I ignored it. I was busy and like so many men with health issues, I thought it was nothing and I’d be fine. My wife was not particularly pleased when she found this out!

I had no idea what a biopsy involved, but Sharon did and said it was nothing to worry about. She would come to the hospital to reassure me, so off we went.

Painful procedures

Honestly, the biopsy was one of the most painful experiences of my life, but it’s so important to have this procedure if your doctor says you need it. It involved a long rod being inserted into my back passage and they took a biopsy of my prostate to investigate. The whole thing lasted about half an hour.

I had an MRI scan shortly after and that’s when I was told it was cancer.

With Sharon at my side, I walked back into the consultant’s office and asked what we needed to do. I was told that if they didn’t remove my prostate I would be dead in six months.

Although the doctor explained there could be issues after the operation and possible side effects such as incontinence and erectile dysfunction, for me, it was a no-brainer. If I had a chance to stay alive, I was going to take it.

Gruelling treatment

During the operation, it was discovered that my cancer – which was stage three – had already started to spread so I needed three months of radiotherapy to mop up the cancer cells too. It was incredibly draining and I was already out of work for six months, so went back to work during my radiotherapy.

Unfortunately, the side effects that the doctors predicted became apparent pretty quickly. Although they warn you, nothing prepares you for the real thing.

Erectile dysfunction is such a difficult one to deal with as a man and some guys tell me they’d rather die than have it. My attitude is that sex and love don't have to always be about penetration. Sharon has been amazing. We love each other more than ever and still have lots of hugs, kisses and intimacy.

Men say to me, "How can you say that? You’ve got no feeling or no function down there!" but it’s the truth. I’ve had 14 more years with Sharon and my family because I had that operation and this is why I want men to get tested early to prevent this.

As for the incontinence, that’s difficult too. When doctors say you may suffer from 50% incontinence, you think, "Yes, I will be able to cope with that." But when it’s something like mine – I only have around 20% of function left – it’s a real reality check.

Breaking taboos

On good days I get through two or three incontinence pads a day. On bad days, five or six. A lot of it depends on how much stress I’m under. And it’s the impact it has on your day-to-day life that you underestimate. I always need to know how far I am from a toilet. I’ve had many occasions where I’ve been in meetings or at gatherings and had to excuse myself but don’t get to the toilet in time.

Having to carry pads around with you all the time and changing in public toilets can be stressful. But I’m trying to break the taboos on these subjects because men really don’t talk about them, even if they’ve known each other for years.

I was angry to discover my own father had suffered from prostate cancer and had never said. We need to change that and I’m really pleased to say that my 11-year-old grandson is very willing to talk about it with his friends.

Helping other men

During the first six months of my recovery I was feeling pretty down and Sharon said, "This cancer has only knocked you down, not knocked you out." Those words spurred me on to make a difference. And that’s one of the reasons I eventually set up my charity in January 2019 with our MOTYourself campaign. It’s illegal to drive a car without an MOT, yet we can potentially have cancer in our bodies without knowing.

When I went back to work, I started offering discounts and free repairs on cars to men if they promised to get a PSA test. As a result, 48 of my customers were diagnosed with prostate cancer. And 46 of them survived as a result. Sadly, two of them died – one was 42 and fit as a fiddle. The other was only 36. He was so afraid of having the test that I actually drove him to the hospital. It turned out he only had six months to live. This illness is not an old man’s illness.

Black men are more at risk though, with one in four black men getting prostate cancer and one in eight white men in the UK alone. One man dies every 45 minutes from prostate cancer yet if caught early, it’s treatable and curable. We really need to encourage more men to go for this very simple blood test – ideally once a year. I don’t want any more men to die of fear or ignorance.

See Errol's prostate cancer charity at TheErrolMcKellarFoundation.com.

According to a new study*, 79% of men with incontinence issues after having prostate cancer miss out on daily activities due to fears of ‘leaking’ or not being able to access sanitary bins in public to dispose of their used incontinence products. *The research, by Prostate Cancer UK and hygiene specialists the PHS group, was to highlight the need for bins and products in public toilets.

Read more on prostate cancer:

• What to expect during a prostate exam, as Chris Hoy urges men to get checked (Yahoo Life UK, 4-min read)

• Prostate cancer signs and symptoms as Andy Taylor reveals he thought he had arthritis (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)

• Man says work talk about lesser-known prostate cancer symptoms likely prolonged his life (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)