What Empaths Bring Up Most In Therapy
In recent years, “empath” has become a buzzy word in pop psychology. You’ll find sweatshirts and T-shirts adorned with the word “empath” or “empathy” and videos all over social media about the experience of being one. This may be because empaths, which is short for empathetic, have lots of qualities that many people want to claim — such as being warm, friendly and supportive.
“I usually describe empaths as people who are intuitive and who have a profound ability to just be attuned to the emotions and internal experiences of those around them,” said Joseé Muldrew, a licensed professional counselor and the founder of The Looking Glass, a private therapy practice in Georgia.
“Empaths often meet others in their own experience, and they relate to their emotions as if it were their own,” Muldrew added.
There’s a difference between being an empath and being sympathetic, though, said Hallie Kritsas, a licensed mental health counselor with Thriveworks in Jacksonville, Florida.
For example, someone who’s sympathetic may feel sorry for someone who was just in a car accident, while an empath puts themselves in the other person’s shoes by recounting how they felt after their car accident or how their mom struggled after her accident, Kritsas said.
“When you’re an empath, you really are joining somebody else in their experience .... It can look like really being able to feel deeply for others, being able to engage in perspective taking and really just holding space for people in a way that dissipates judgment, but really focuses on increasing connection and understanding,” Muldrew said.
These are good qualities anyone would be lucky to have in a friend or family member, but there can be harsh struggles for empaths. Constantly taking on other people’s emotions and problems can be exhausting and burdensome if not handled properly. Below, therapists share the most common issues empaths bring up in therapy — and how to deal with these problems:
1. A sense of heaviness and emotional exhaustion.
“Something that a lot of empathic clients often bring up in therapy is this experience of emotional exhaustion and just fatigue from absorbing the emotions and energies of others,” Muldrew explained.
This is likely because empaths absorb others’ emotions at higher rates than those who aren’t empaths, “and so that constant emotional overwhelm can lead to burnout a lot of times,” she said.
This can also be described as a feeling of heaviness, Kritsas said. The ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes can be burdensome and tiring, which can lead to these heavy feelings.
2. Trouble setting boundaries.
One of the hallmarks of being an empath is feeling an elevated sense of responsibility when it comes to being there for others, according to Muldrew, which can make setting boundaries a real challenge.
For an empath, telling someone “no, I can’t help you move” when they know just how hard it is to move is going to be pretty tough. As will telling their sibling they can’t attend their niece’s recital when they know how disappointed their niece will be. This could lead the empath to agreeing to things they don’t want to do or accepting treatment that isn’t fair.
“A lot of times, empathic clients find themselves struggling to set boundaries in relationships because of this need and sense of responsibility to help and to show up for others,” Muldrew said. “It can be difficult for them to set limits around their own emotional needs.”
3. Feeling taken advantage of.
If you’re someone who always goes above and beyond when it comes to caring for others (as empaths do), it may become natural for needy folks to flock to you.
In fact, Muldrew said that it’s common for empaths to attract co-dependent people or those with elevated needs. “And that can often lead to the empathic person feeling taken advantage of,” she said.
Think about it: If an empath only hears from certain friends when the friend needs something, it would only be natural for the empath to grow resentful of the needy texts and calls. If the empath is always a support for loved ones, but doesn’t get that same support when they’re going through a hard time, it could feel like loved ones are using them for their empathetic behaviors.
4. Chronic fatigue or anxiety.
It’s common for empaths to deal with chronic fatigue and anxiety, too. “That can be connected to carrying the emotional weight of others,” Muldrew said.
This chronic fatigue and anxiety can get to the point of manifesting in physical symptoms. Anxiety could lead to difficulty sleeping, feeling tense or trouble focusing, according to the Mayo Clinic. Chronic fatigue can leave you feeling tired, irritable and more.
5. Feelings of depression.
According to Kritsas, empaths often deal with depressive feelings because not only are they dealing with their personal stressors and issues, but are also taking on their loved one’s emotions and hard times.
While people in certain professions, like those in the mental health industry, are trained to handle someone else’s emotions in a healthy way, the same isn’t said for the average empath.
“Someone who is an empath, who might not be a counselor or be in some sort of related field, might not know how to deal with somebody else’s emotions in a healthy way ... it becomes a lot for them,” Kritsas said, adding that this can show up as sadness or a feeling of overwhelm.
If you struggle with these issues, there are a few things you can do.
Kritsas said therapy can be a great place to start dealing with these issues.
“When it starts to become too heavy or it starts to become a burden on their ability to take care of themselves, that’s what we get to work on,” Kritsas explained.
If you aren’t in therapy, consider finding someone to talk to. Inclusive Therapists and Psychology Today both have listings of mental health providers all over the country.
It’s also important for empaths to unapologetically set boundaries and emotional limits. “I think when you identify as an empath, you’re constantly juggling your sense of responsibility to others compared to your sense of responsibility to yourself,” Muldrew said. “Really understanding how important it is to say no sometimes and recognize that attunement to your own needs is just as important, if not more important, than your attunement to the needs of others.”
Know that it’s OK to take a step back from loved ones and acknowledge that you want to be there for them but need to take care of yourself first. “Much like the metaphor in an airplane: putting on your own mask before you can take care of somebody else,” Kritsas said. “We really have to do that with our mental and our emotional well-being. We can be empathetic people if we know how to take care of ourselves first.”
It’s also important for empaths to spend time alone and doing grounding techniques such as spending time in nature, meditation and deep breathing. “Just any sort of practices that you can consistently integrate into your routine so you are going through the process of recentering, and also just distributing the emotional weight that you might be carrying,” Muldrew added.
In line with this, empaths should consider limiting their exposure to draining environments and people, Muldrew said. So if a certain friend constantly trauma dumps on you and leaves you feeling depleted, consider seeing that friend less frequently, or spending time with them in places that allow for distractions like at a theater performance.
With all that is going on in the world, being an empath can feel understandably heavy, but it’s also one of the best qualities you can have — as long as you take care of yourself.
“Being an empath is definitely a gift ... but it’s also important to learn how to manage it effectively,” Muldrew said. “There are great things that come with being empathic, but also sometimes it can come at the expense of some of your own needs — and so just really taking care of your own emotional well-being and checking in with yourself so that you can use your gift without depleting what you need.”
