Emily Cave Boit opens up about grief in heartfelt post: 'They still deserve to be talked about'

Emily Cave Boit knows grief is a never-ending journey. On Tuesday, the author, whose first husband former NHL player Colby Cave died suddenly in 2020, shared a heartfelt message about life after loss. The 31-year-old Barrie, Ont.-native took to Instagram ahead of National Grief Awareness Day on Aug. 31. "I would normally post on that day, but the truth is your grief should be accepted and talked about, not just on Friday but the other 364 days of the year," she wrote.

Cave Boit’s life took an unexpected turn in April 2020 when her 25-year-old husband died from a brain bleed. Since his death, Cave Boit said she’s learned that “you will always grieve your loved one.”

“There is no timeline for grief. Unless you have experienced a tragic loss, you will not understand that, so before you are quick to judge, remember that your time will come,” she wrote. “But in the meantime, consider yourself privileged to not know the depths that come with grief.”

Cave Boit said she’s learned that grief can come in the “happy” and “unexpected quiet moments.”

“You can’t explain it. It just happens," she wrote. "Grief is in the triggers and flashbacks. You can’t breathe and it becomes all-consuming, it brings you right back to the moment they died."

In June of this year, Cave Boit married Colin Boit in a Malibu, Calif. ceremony with many of Colby’s friends and family in attendance. Although she remarried, the trauma from losing Colby so suddenly remains. Cave Boit said there are moments when she can “feel silenced” or judged from talking about those who have passed or grieving.

“You feel angry and hurt for your loved one. They still deserve to be talked about,” she said. “You then start to grieve the loss of now being able to openly share your grief, trauma, story and loved one, because it makes others feel uncomfortable. Never let someone make your grief about them, especially if they need met your loved one.”

Cave Boit, who wrote "For Colb: The Vow Beyond 'Till Death Do Us Part'" about her grief journey, told followers that there is no end-date for grief.

"Through the good, bad and the ugly, I want every single person on this Earth to know you are allowed to grieve your loved one until you are reunited with them in Heaven," she said. "And believe that although experiencing grief is tragically heart-breaking, it can also be a blessing. You look at the world and people differently. And although I wish you didn’t have to know this depth of pain, never feel insecure about it. There is no shame in your grief. Your grief is not a burden. Your grief deserves to be shared, heard and validated."

Followers praised Cave Boit in the comments for putting words to their similar experience with grief.

“Emily, you nailed this,” one follower wrote. “Most people truly have no idea how difficult this journey is. I would not wish it on anyone. I just wish they could show a little more compassion.”

“This is one of the most profound statements I have read about grief!” Another said. “Every word you wrote is exactly as it is. Thank you for being a voice.”

“You’ve helped countless people with your story and I am one of them,” a follower wrote. “Thank you for eloquently articulating what grief is because I can never find the words.”

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