I dreaded being around my children due to burnout — these 7 habits turned my life around
Another day of dirty diapers, screaming tantrums and sour milk spit-up — you gotta be kidding!
New York mom Alicia Murray “dreaded” the thought of waking up to the harrowing realities of mothering her six-month-old and three-year-old sons.
“I was tired to the point of where a nap, good sleep or coffee doesn’t fix it,” Murray, 33, from Syracuse, told SWNS. “I had this difficulty about waking up and being with my kids all day.”
“I love waking up and being with my kids, so why am I waking up with dread?”
The married millennial was nearly paralyzed with exhaustion, forgetting to eat and on the verge of a mental meltdown.
Like most overwhelmed mamas, Murray was being bulldozed by parental burnout.
It’s the overwhelming feeling of stress, anxiety and fatigue that plagues a whopping 57% of US moms and dads, per a May 2024 study from Ohio State University.
Burnout, too, adversely effects the children of overtaxed parents, according to the report. Researchers found that tots endure emotional and behavioral damage as result of the adults’ grumpy disposition.
The weight of being overburdened by mom-life was doubled by the intense “guilt” Murray, a professional therapist, felt about parenting her boys.
“It comes with a lot of guilt and shame,” she said.
After caring for her busy brood by day, the brunette would handoff the kids to husband Eric, 33, and work with clients of her Convenient Counseling Services overnight.
“Parents are being pulled in so many different directions,” said Murray. “I don’t think we were meant to be full time as parents.”
However, due to the high cost of childcare in New York — which, for infants can reportedly come at a price of over $21,000 a year, and for toddlers cost more than $16,000 annually — Murray felt she had no choice but to simultaneously take on her career and motherhood.
“Childcare is really crashing,” she groaned. “Previous generations could rely on parents. A lot of ours are still working.”
“Private childcare is very expensive,” Murray added. “I had to think, ‘Am I making enough to justify it?'”
But just before becoming undone, the fast-thinking mommy made a series of small changes that changed her life.
“I started doing an R and R day,” said a renewed Murray. “It’s me and the kids in our pajamas. We don’t leave the house. There are no classes to go to.”
“I don’t try and cook anything big. I let loose with the iPad,” she continued. “We’re just hanging out.”
“I really enjoy it — it’s a day off.”
She’s also learned to lean on Eric.
“I’m really working on removing the guilt and shame around asking for help,” Murray confessed.
Now, she tasks her hubby with everyday duties like, “picking up groceries on the way home” instead of forcing herself to hit the market with two screeching kids.
Murray has, too, blocked those social media mom-influencers, who seemingly lead the prefect little lives but always left her with an “icky feeling”.
“Block them if their content doesn’t serve you,” she said, encouraging other parents to follow suit.
“Check in with yourself once a day — even for a couple of seconds like while you’re brushing your teeth, or making your bed,” the counselor advised, adding that mothers and fathers should invest in “me” time as often as possible.
And she’s right. A few uninterrupted hours of self-care was on the top of many Mother’s Day wish-lists this year.
But Murray doesn’t limit treating herself to holidays. She now enjoys a little something special almost every day.
“Sometimes my kids nap in the car and I go to a drive by Starbucks or go get an ice cream,” she admitted. “It’s about thinking, ‘What can I do for myself even if it’s small?.’”
And guilt about parental burnout is no longer an albatross.
“I can love my kids and be burnt out. I can want to be a parent and be burnt out,” she said.
“I can be burnt out but grateful for my kids.”
Here are Murray’s mommy tips for combatting burnout:
Find mom friends you can confide in
Take a rest and relax day with your kids
Take time for yourself if you can – even if it is small
Check in with yourself
Take care of your basic needs
Block mom influencer who don’t serve you
Ask for help
