Dear queers, now is the time to demand body acceptance without conformity

As a queer, non-binary content creator who posts mainly about body acceptance and self-love, I have become a visible target for queerphobic people.

Commenters often flood my social media with comments like: 'That's a man' or 'Is that a man or a woman?' Ironically, they cannot decide if I am a man or a woman, yet somehow still refuse the existence of non-binary people.

Overwhelmed with the constant online harassment, I initially felt pressured to change my appearance so the public would see my queer identity as valid. To feel in control of the situation, I adopted the belief that to feel more confident in my non-binary body, I should get gender-conforming surgery or treatments to validate my gender identity. This belief was rooted in the common perspective that to is seen as legitimate in our gender expression; queer people must conform to whatever standards are placed on that specific gender.

Considering this, I began to contemplate getting my breasts removed to feel more confident and comfortable in my body and, hopefully, receive less harassment for my gender identity. But, when I reflected on the body image and disability struggles prevalent in my past, I started to question how much getting a major surgery would really improve my life.

Then, I had an epiphany.

I had already experienced the pressure to change my body, and it wasn't because of gender dysphoria. The pressure for queer people to change their bodies to fit public standards directly mirrors the pressures women face to spend their whole lives trying to meet unrealistic beauty standards.

For decades, beauty standards have pressured women to change their bodies and appearances to be accepted in public. For example, because of socialization, most women feel they need to shave and have no other option. By 1964, 98% of American women aged 15 to 44 were regularly shaving their legs. According to a 2008 survey by American Laser Centers, this pressure amounts to American women spending more than $10,000 on hair removal products throughout their lives.

And this is just one cost.

Remember what women must spend on beauty products, hair care, weight loss, and more just to feel accepted and valued in society. Thanks to unrealistic beauty standards, women feel pressured to spend thousands of dollars a year changing how they look.

The cost of undergoing a gender transition, like the cost of following women's beauty standards, can be thousands of dollars, often lining the pockets of plastic surgeons and 'wellness' professionals. According to Joshua Safer, the Executive Director of the Center for Transgender Medicine and Surgery at Mount Sinai, the cost of medical treatments for transitioning can add up to more by $100,000, often not covered by insurance. Unfortunately, the cost of not transitioning can be even higher.

In our current world, gender-affirming surgery is life-saving and worth supporting and advocating for, especially in the current climate of beauty standards and trans hate. Trans people have unemployment rates up to three times higher than the general public due to workplace discrimination. Suicide rates are high, up to 40%, where no medical interventions are offered.

In this world where violence and discrimination against queer people and women are alive and well, it is completely understandable why someone would want to get risky surgery or $20,000 treatment to change their appearance. What more do we need as a sign that our obsession with gendered beauty standards is failing us as a society?

We need more queer body-positivity

Women do not deserve the beauty standards thrust upon them, and neither do queer people. The same oppressive narratives on beauty standards geared to women have been successfully co-opted and marketed aggressively to the queer community. But women, trans women, and gender-diverse humans all deserve the right to be accepted and respected in society, no matter how well they adopt beauty standards or exemplify certain gendered traits.

While the body positivity movement has taken off for cis women, queer people must be included and embrace this movement.

We desperately need to learn to accept our bodies as they are so we can create a world where everyone is free to be themselves. It is up to us to call out the beauty standards and body hate that we are seeing and radically embrace all body types. We must protect vulnerable people forced to choose between major surgery, spending thousands of dollars on beauty treatments, or never being accepted and respected for their authentic selves.

Hannah Bee (they/them) is a nonbinary influencer, writer, and speaker. You can support their work by following them on Instagram at @healthybyhannahb or subscribing to their Substack, the Chronically Confident Crew.

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